Post # 1
need to vent: I’m 1 of 5 siblings. I just got back from a long weekend vacation that was mostly through air miles and hotel points with Fiance. our wedding is september and i happily announced my honeymoon booked this weekend. one sibling commented, “well didn’t you say you have no money because your watching wedding spending?” umm, okay. not the first kind of comment on spending money.
well yes, we are trying to watch our spending but at no time did we say no honeymoon was happening. but we are definitely prioritizing where our money goes (less happy hours, shopping, starbucks, yoga studio memberships, etc.)
Does anyone feel like others are watching or comment how they are spending their money between now and the wedding coming up?
now, mom, and other siblings have gifted me some money now rather than later to help (minus the one with the comment), and I’m just feeling like okay am i supposed to be pauper status until the wedding now because others have contributed? I never asked for money, but I did accept it. We did keep our guest list short at 100 rather than the possible 300+ with family members, and I have tried to keep costs down. see what kind of DIY projects are out there. But Dang! I’m still havign a $20-25K wedding and making me feel like I’m being a grinch for the day, because I don’t want to go over that financial expense. maybe I’m having sibling jealousy, IDK. we have roughly the same household income, but we have one kid part time at our place and she’s got 3 kids in private school. so how we spend our money is very different.
It’s annoying that money comments are made is all. i went on my first european vacation last year (planned long before we got engaged) and IDK if she thinks I’m loaded or what. what she didnt comment on was how i stopped using my credit cards, left my apartment, got a roommate, and saved for 3 years to eventually get out of debt and go on that vacation. It didn’t happen over night.
Am I being over dramatic or sensitive? Any tips on how to handle, because apparently I name called her saying dont be so “fijona” which i cant translate from spanish but basically dont be so judgy wudgy, watching over other people’s doings. sometimes things get lost in translation and she was the one who somehow was the offended and i was the offendor!
Post # 2
FrenchToastnCoffee : It does annoy me when people comment. They don’t know your status! I admit to having had those thoughts when someone says they’re broke but go on a ton of trips. I keep it to myself. But I do have a friend with so many miles that she can travel fancy for cheap.
I say ignore it or say something of it really bothers you. Say, “not that it’s your business but we had free miles to use up, please don’t make assumptions on our finances.”
Post # 3
Yeah money has strings attached. Always. Like always. Don’t receive it if you aren’t thick skinned enough for the judgment that comes with receiving aid money–let’s face it those are aid money.
Post # 4
Side note for the people that assume you can take multiple trips because you went somewhere fancy. I’m like, no we saved up for that trip I can’t go to both.
Post # 5
Not wedding related—since we’re long past the wedding 😀 paid in full by us. But we get that, a lot. We save hard core, coupon, stretch every dollar. But we also go on nice vacations. We don’t do anything 99% of the year and the one holiday we take, we go all out. We also do fun things around town, mostly free, festivals, cultural events etc.
But everytime we do, everyone says how we’re always on vacation. Ummm NO. We’re not. We save all year for one vacation. We works through holidays and vacation in the summer.
Post # 6
forgotusername : I guess, but I’m annoyed that the comments come from the one sibling who hasn’t given any LOL and really, I feel like it’s just a gift now rather than later from family, but I guess you’re right, money is never free.
Post # 7
I hear ya. Fiance and I booked our honeymoon to somewhere fairly pricey (but we got a hell of a deal saving us thousands otherwise we couldn’t have afforded it) and most people’s reactions were somewhat judgey. Even Future Mother-In-Law said if we had so much money we should help her out with money. In reality money is tight because of the wedding and honeymoon.
But people can’t see behind the scenes (and I’m not taking them on a tour of our finances lol) so I find the best strategy is to just ignore the comments.
Post # 8
I’m way past wedding, but we got/get a crap ton of comments on our wedding and our apparent money status. Apparently people thought our wedding cost upwards of 30k. Surprise! It was 11k! We booked years in advance and got great deals! Shopped around even!
Now I have a friend (I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor…sigh) who is constantly making comments about how we should do x y or z because obviously we are sooo much better off. Girl, I got student loans to pay off. We don’t go on vacations. We spend money wisely. And I ain’t got an extra $300 to throw at your bachelorette party when I’m already spending over $1000 on your wedding.
So far her comments are the only ones that actually irritate me, since they’re so pointed. Everything else I’m managing to ignore. It’s like people assume that everyone has the same financial priorities and situations, which is a really odd assumption to make if you actually think about it.
Post # 9
Ugh. My SIL is this way- always complaining that we get to go on nice trips, nice dinners, drive nice cars etc. She, at 40, goes and complains to her MOM that it’s not fair that we get to do this. And then asks her for money to be able for it to ‘be fair’. (Her Mom doesn’t give her any- she got her ‘share’ of the ‘inheritance’- for her non-retired, in good health, in their late 50’s (at the time) parents- so they would no longer have to say ‘no’)
Now, when logic is explained to her: you had four kids, starting at age 15, and never tried to do get a degree (high school or college) and blow every bit of savings you have on video games or lavish toys for her kids.
We both work, save our money, haven’t had kids, both have at least a bachelors. So we can have nice things that we otherwise couldn’t if we had to cloth/feed four kids.
That logic just. will. not. sink. in. She fully believes that she deserves to be given money (we’re not!!) to make her ‘equal’ to us in lifestyle. It’s crazy. And she’s one of four- all three boys have done well enough for themselves, and she blames this on ‘being a girl’- she makes less because she’s a girl… no honey. I make (ok, made, I just started grad school) more than DH- as a girl. But again, logic is lost that my fewer expenses = more ‘play’ money.
Sorry to vent- it just really grinds my gears when others tell you how to spend YOUR money. I do my best to ignore her, but she’s also the loudest of the bunch so ya.
Try and block them out as best you can! Unless you’re literally lighting your cash on fire, no one should tell you what to do with your money.
Post # 10
knickergold : YAAAASSS!! I don’t think I complain about not having money but I definitely say No to a lot of things because I want to use my funds elsewhere. Maybe that No is being misunderstood as I’m broke.
When I was getting ready for my Europe trip there were many times that I had to go through the “I thought you didn’t have money? How come you’re always saying you can’t A,B,C and now you’re going on a trip?” I can’t go off and do ABC because I’m saving for XYZ. That’s how that works!
well at least I feel like I’m not the only one in the twilight zone!
Post # 11
Oh God, tell them to shove it. I have literally told every single person with any opinion as to what I am doing with my wedding or how I am spending my money that if they want to pay me to listen to their suggestions and/or judgements than I will sit here all day long and do just that, but if not .. take a walk and mind your business.
If you’re paying for your wedding yourself (as my Fiance and I are), feel free to do whatever you want with whatever money you have. YOU work for it .. not them. Good luck xoxo
Post # 12
This gets said to us a lot too in regards to vacations and stuff. I usually find really great deals and use a travel credit card I pay off every month for points…and everyone spends $$$ differently! We never buy new tvs, have one car, rarely new clothes. We spend money on eating out and traveling because we like to spend our money on experiences but sometimes people see that and think we’re rich. Nope, just different priorities.
Post # 13
Ugh at least I’m not alone. Darling Husband & I take a “big” trip a year (7-12 days) and a “small” (long weekend) somewhere. We save up, I cook 5-6 nights a week from scratch and we pack lunches. I spend 6-9 months planning our big trip to get greatest deals & budget everything. Everyone makes comments about how nice it must be to be able to afford going on nice trips. My response? It is nice, we work our butts off for those trips. I’d rather take a cruise around Hawaii than go out overspending on club drinks every weekend. Some people would rather go out every weekend. That’s ok, our priorities are just different.
Post # 14
i think this, similar to a few other things people inappropriately comment on (e.g. weight/eating habits) says way more about the commenter than the commentee. It’s frustrating, insulting, hurtful, etc… But in the end you have to keep reminding yourself it’s not you who has problems. (Tlling the offender to shut it is also nice, lol.)
Post # 15
FrenchToastnCoffee : Ya, I feel ya. I had a coworker who went out drinking nightly- always talked about how much he ‘blew’ the night before. Typically $40-50 on average, weekends closer to $300- he was big on entertaining/buying people drinks.
We were talking about what we did that weekend, and I said I went to a horse show- he was FLOORED. How can you afford a horse? I know how much you make etc etc. I just kept quiet, but he kept asking for a few weeks- so I finally said ‘I pay less per day to take care of him than you spend on drinking’ Yoj could see the wheels turning before he said ‘ Seems like a waste’
Oh ya, and the liquor isn’t a waste 🙄