rant: how you spend your money judgment

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

FrenchToastnCoffee :  It does annoy me when people comment. They don’t know your status! I admit to having had those thoughts when someone says they’re broke but go on a ton of trips. I keep it to myself. But I do have a friend with so many miles that she can travel fancy for cheap. 

I say ignore it or say something of it really bothers you. Say, “not that it’s your business but we had free miles to use up, please don’t make assumptions on our finances.”

 

Post # 3
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Yeah money has strings attached. Always. Like always. Don’t receive it if you aren’t thick skinned enough for the judgment that comes with receiving aid money–let’s face it those are aid money. 

Post # 4
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

Side note for the people that assume you can take multiple trips because you went somewhere fancy. I’m like, no we saved up for that trip I can’t go to both. 

Post # 5
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

Not wedding related—since we’re long past the wedding 😀 paid in full by us.  But we get that, a lot.  We save hard core, coupon, stretch every dollar.  But we also go on nice vacations.  We don’t do anything 99% of the year and the one holiday we take, we go all out.  We also do fun things around town, mostly free, festivals, cultural events etc.

But everytime we do, everyone says how we’re always on vacation.  Ummm NO.  We’re not.  We save all year for one vacation.  We works through holidays and vacation in the summer. 

Post # 7
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I hear ya. Fiance and I booked our honeymoon to somewhere fairly pricey (but we got a hell of a deal saving us thousands otherwise we couldn’t have afforded it) and most people’s reactions were somewhat judgey. Even Future Mother-In-Law said if we had so much money we should help her out with money. In reality money is tight because of the wedding and honeymoon. 

But people can’t see behind the scenes (and I’m not taking them on a tour of our finances lol) so I find the best strategy is to just ignore the comments. 

Post # 8
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I’m way past wedding, but we got/get a crap ton of comments on our wedding and our apparent money status. Apparently people thought our wedding cost upwards of 30k. Surprise! It was 11k! We booked years in advance and got great deals! Shopped around even! 

Now I have a friend (I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor…sigh) who is constantly making comments about how we should do x y or z because obviously we are sooo much better off. Girl, I got student loans to pay off. We don’t go on vacations. We spend money wisely. And I ain’t got an extra $300 to throw at your bachelorette party when I’m already spending over $1000 on your wedding. 

So far her comments are the only ones that actually irritate me, since they’re so pointed. Everything else I’m managing to ignore. It’s like people assume that everyone has the same financial priorities and situations, which is a really odd assumption to make if you actually think about it. 

Post # 9
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh. My SIL is this way- always complaining that we get to go on nice trips, nice dinners, drive nice cars etc. She, at 40, goes and complains to her MOM that it’s not fair that we get to do this. And then asks her for money to be able for it to ‘be fair’. (Her Mom doesn’t give her any- she got her ‘share’ of the ‘inheritance’- for her non-retired, in good health, in their late 50’s (at the time) parents- so they would no longer have to say ‘no’) 

Now, when logic is explained to her: you had four kids, starting at age 15, and never tried to do get a degree (high school or college) and blow every bit of savings you have on video games or lavish toys for her kids. 

We both work, save our money, haven’t had kids, both have at least a bachelors. So we can have nice things that we otherwise couldn’t if we had to cloth/feed four kids. 

That logic just. will. not. sink. in. She fully believes that she deserves to be given money (we’re not!!) to make her ‘equal’ to us in lifestyle. It’s crazy. And she’s one of four- all three boys have done well enough for themselves, and she blames this on ‘being a girl’- she makes less because she’s a girl… no honey. I make (ok, made, I just started grad school) more than DH- as a girl.  But again, logic is lost that my fewer expenses = more ‘play’ money. 

 

Sorry to vent- it just really grinds my gears when others tell you how to spend YOUR money. I do my best to ignore her, but she’s also the loudest of the bunch so ya. 

Try and block them out as best you can! Unless you’re literally lighting your cash on fire, no one should tell you what to do with your money. 

Post # 11
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Oh God, tell them to shove it.  I have literally told every single person with any opinion as to what I am doing with my wedding or how I am spending my money that if they want to pay me to listen to their suggestions and/or judgements than I will sit here all day long and do just that, but if not .. take a walk and mind your business.  

 

If you’re paying for your wedding yourself (as my Fiance and I are), feel free to do whatever you want with whatever money you have. YOU work for it .. not them.  Good luck xoxo

Post # 12
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

This gets said to us a lot too in regards to vacations and stuff. I usually find really great deals and use a travel credit card I pay off every month for points…and everyone spends $$$ differently! We never buy new tvs, have one car, rarely new clothes. We spend money on eating out and traveling because we like to spend our money on experiences but sometimes people see that and think we’re rich. Nope, just different priorities.

Post # 13
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Ugh at least I’m not alone. Darling Husband & I take a “big” trip a year (7-12 days) and a “small” (long weekend) somewhere. We save up, I cook 5-6 nights a week from scratch and we pack lunches. I spend 6-9 months planning our big trip to get greatest deals & budget everything. Everyone makes comments about how nice it must be to be able to afford going on nice trips. My response? It is nice, we work our butts off for those trips. I’d rather take a cruise around Hawaii than go out overspending on club drinks every weekend. Some people would rather go out every weekend. That’s ok, our priorities are just different.

Post # 14
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

i think this, similar to a few other things people inappropriately comment on (e.g. weight/eating habits) says way more about the commenter than the commentee.  It’s frustrating, insulting, hurtful, etc… But in the end you have to keep reminding yourself it’s not you who has problems.  (Tlling the offender to shut it is also nice, lol.)

Post # 15
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

FrenchToastnCoffee :  Ya, I feel ya. I had a coworker who went out drinking nightly- always talked about how much he ‘blew’ the night before. Typically $40-50 on average, weekends closer to $300- he was big on entertaining/buying people drinks. 

We were talking about what we did that weekend, and I said I went to a horse show- he was FLOORED. How can you afford a horse? I know how much you make etc etc. I just kept quiet, but he kept asking for a few weeks- so I finally said ‘I pay less per day to take care of him than you spend on drinking’ Yoj could see the wheels turning before he said ‘ Seems like a waste’ 

Oh ya, and the liquor isn’t a waste 🙄

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