(Closed) Rant: I know this is stupid, but I feel hurt by my friend's engagement.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sorry if my first comment seemed a bit harsh. Since my relationship progressed very quickly also, I have gotten the “it’s too fast, it will never last, etc” comments and I get a bit defensive.

 

 

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@Chrysoberyl:  Also, how did you get engaged after 3 days, and how was he your second boyfriend? Kiss on the first day, date other guy on the second day, and then get engaged with first guy on the third?? 


I had a boyfriend that lasted for 27 days when I was younger. We never kissed because I was saving that for the person I marry.

Then three days after meeting my DH in person, we decided to get married. I guess technically you could say he wasn’t actually my second boyfriend since we dove straight into engagement without doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.

 

 

Post # 63
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree that it takes way more than just a few weeks to get a strong connection with someone. I also understand where you’re coming from, and why you feel the way you do. Although my situation is slightly different, I can relate. I’ve been with my SO for 4 years. My best friend has been with hers for less than one year and they’re moving in together. I am over-the-top happy for her, but inside (it’s human nature) I’m a little sad for myself, thinking how come it’s taking us so long to move on to the next step? But you know how I make myself feel better? I think of the wonderful relationship that I’m in. I think of the strong bond I have with my SO. The only reason we’re not living together is because I’d like to be engaged first, so we are waiting for that. I have my values and beliefs. You should too! You are most likely in a meaningful and deep relationship and feel a strong connection with your Fiance. That is so much better than the romantic blind lust that is present in the early stage of relationships.

I would suggest not to judge your friend nonetheless. Be a friend to her. You might not agree with everything she’s doing but remember that even though she’s 18 she is already an adult and has the right to her own decisions. I would suggest being supportive to her and try to be happy for her.

And please be happy with yourself. Focus your energy on the positivity in your relationship.

Post # 64
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I thought things like this only happened in the small town I live in.

A girl I used to consider my best friend (we had a huge falling out over my relationship with my ex. Weird, I know) did something like this. She started dating a guy in June, the were engaged in October/November, then they got married in April. This was her first boyfriend ever and it just seemed strange to me. I’ve been with my SO for 2 1/2 years and while I cannot wait to marry him, I’m glad we haven’t rushed into anything.

Just be a good friend at this point. She is going to need a good shoulder to lean on.

Post # 65
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@gangqinjia: 

while it’s not recommended that you get married to a total stranger, some people do it and they’re fine. they have to deal with their choice, and all you can do is hope for the best!

with that said, i think it’s great that you were able to be honest with how you are feeling. I also can see how it makes you feel like a horrible friend for feeling that way. 

at the same time, it’s not fair to judge someone’s relationship solely based on length of time either. at the end of the day, we all just want to be loved, right? 🙂

i think the real issue here is too much facebook sharing. anyone who constantly brags about how amazing their relationship gets a “HIDE from newsfeed” hit from me. LOL.

Post # 66
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m one who also doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but rather infatuation at first time. I think love takes time to nuture and grow.

But just know that a quick relationship like your friend’s doesn’t make yours any more or less valid. Some people get married quickly. Some don’t. What matters is what’s between you and your fiance. Don’t worry about her. Just know that you’ve put a lot of time and effort into your relationship and when it happens for you, you’ve already had the time to build a solid foundation. 🙂

And remember, it’s not a race. Just wish her well and focus on your own relationship, making it the best it can be. 🙂

Post # 67
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I haven’t read the replies here, but I would be seriously questioning my friend’s sanity if she did that.

I would also be very concerned for her.

Post # 68
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@gangqinjia:  I can relate. My friend got engaged to her Boyfriend or Best Friend after they were “officially” dating for 2 months. I say officially in quoatations because they were friends with benifits and living together for a few months before. Anyways, he proposed to her in an incredibly romantic way and initially I was happy for them, and then one of my other friends mentioned that she couldnt believe that she got engaged before me. Considering my Fiance and I had been together nearly 3 years and had 2 kids together. After that I always felt..resentment? towards her engagment because my other firend had a point. Even though My Fiance had proposed just before we had our first child we never told anyone, and I didnt have a ring.Maybe its because she had everyone swoon over her ring right when it happened or she got a ring right when he proposed or cus it flet like she was trying to down play our wedding by making “bridal party events” every bloody weekend that i had to go to. Both of us being in eachothers bridal party deffinatly didnt make this any easier but I ended up having to tell her to calm down with her wedding things ( not to be rude or because they bugged me but i needed to get the bridesmaid dresses done and she took it the wrong way). Ive gotten over it but now i just see it as unfair. Our lifestyles are much different since she doesnt have kids so she gets to spend all her time with her Fiance where as I get to see my Fiance only a few hours a week. Sorry that was a little off topic but Yes i do know how you feel and its flustering, Just try to focus on your wedding and your Fiance =D  Sounds like you got this though haha

Post # 69
Member
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@lolot:  wat.

Post # 70
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@gangqinjia:  I can definitely relate! I thought getting engaged after 3 months was bad! 

This is the hateful, mean side of me: when I think about couples like that, I smile and congratulate them, but inside I’m eagerly awaiting for the shit to hit the fan and for the relationship to fall apart. 

Because today, marriage is considered a union between two adults, amirite? Deal with your bad decisions and reap what you sow. It’s not my place to advise against what you think is right, but save me a front row seat for the repercussions of your decisions. 

Post # 71
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

 

  I know it might sound weird but theere are some persons trying to “fabricate” what they constantly see on TV as a “happy life”. They try to imitate all the happy stuff they’ve seen on TV or from the lives of people around them. I don’t think this is bad at all, it’s just a type of immaturity from people that has never been independent enough to know they’re capable of having their own lives and capable of taking their own decisions. They usually come from over-protective parents that won’t let them grow, so their children don’t have any more option that imitating other people’s lives or at least pretending they’re growing too. It’s kind of sad. I used to have a co-worker that I got along for a wile; we used to laugh a lot and I eventually started to share a little bit more of my personal life with her. She must have thought that my life was so easy and happy and she started to imitate everything from me. First it started with insignificant stuff that I didn’t mind at all, like if I got chips and salsa, she would get the same too; then, if I added lime to my chips, she would do it too, stuff like that. It was actually kind of funny at first. Long story short, it just started to upset me when she started to cross the line; all she did all the time was trying to be ME, asking me personal details about what my boyfriend told me, this or that, and she even started calling names to my boyfriend, names that she know only I called him (WTF?).

          I dont’ know but it sounds like to might be on the same situation (don’t know for sure). If you shared with her that your dream was to marry your best friend and if she admires your genuine happiness with your Fiance, maybe she’s just trying to imitate that. Maybe it makes her just “feel good about herself” having that, and a lot better having it before YOU do, doesn’t matter if she gets married to whichever dude. I mean, she’s 18, she met him 3 weeks before getting engaged and she “coincidentally” has the same dream than YOU about marrying her best friend, You know?

Post # 72
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Some people are just desperate to get married and will marry the first person who comes along. It’s sad that people will do that, but what can you do?

Post # 73
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I knew after 1 week I had met the one but I wasn’t about to jump into marriage with him even though he admitted to feeling the same. We waited a little over a year before he proposed to me so we had the necessary time to spend together learning about one another and the wedding was planned for 2 years later. Everyone is different but all the firsts for your friend and then BOOM she’s engaged? I think they are both confused and they will figure it all out sooner rather than later I hope.

You can’t help the way you feel so don’t let people tell you to “grow up” or anything like that. People think of things differently and they see things differently and interperet things differently and I think its great you took time with your SO but sometimes others don’t and that’s just the way of the world, it will go on.

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