(Closed) Rant: I Want To Punch My FI

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3754 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh that would drive me nuts!!! Sorry you have to put up with that. It seems like he is looking for a fight. Is something else bugging him??? Work? Family?

Post # 5
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@rcac1208:  Really? He is acting like a 15 year old girl.

I would tell him to put his big girl panties on. Is he going to be like this when you’re married? When you have kids?

Has he only been like this lately or is this his typical behavior when he isn’t getting his way? Ugh.

Post # 6
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

So he wasnt this moody 3 weeks ago? I wouldnt put up with this behavior on a regular basis, but if this is a recent thing then it sounds like something else is going on with him, and he’s taking out the anger on you.

Post # 7
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Is there something else going on maybe? Maybe he’s stressed with work, something else in your relationship, etc?

I have a friend that went through a phase of getting mad at her FI for the most ridiculous things. She once flipped out and threatened to end their engagement because there was a crumb in the mayonnaise jar… Yeah, it turned out that she was still mad over something that happened a month prior and was just taking it out on the guy in other ways.

Post # 9
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@rcac1208:  It sounds like he might be depressed or have issues with his mood. I would suggest some counseling for him. If he won’t get any help, I’d reconsider the relationship.

 

Post # 10
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Can you try to sit down with him and calmly talk to him about what’s going on? My FI used to not talk to me about anything because his ex used to FLIP OUT on him for any reason she could (kind of like what he’s doing to you), so he started just shutting down to avoid that. I would just sit down with him and ask him what’s up.

Post # 12
Member
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@rcac1208:  How would you rate your FI’s emotional coping skills?

My FI’s parents have poor emotional coping skills (their gut reaction to most things involves screaming for days to weeks before finally coming to a solution, I call it the headless chicken response, messy and not very effective), and as a result FI has a temper he has trouble controling as well as an inferiority complex that runs his entire life (it’s crazy how so many of his negative behaviors run back to this thing). We have been together since we were 16, and I’ve been teaching him how to deal with his emotions the whole time. He gets down a lot because his progress is slow, but he has come huge strides from where we started. There are days though where FI just loses it and blows up at silly little things. The way your FI reacts to life’s problems kind of reminds me of that.

Post # 13
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There’s something else going on.  Randomly pissy for a day or two is understandable and I would attribute that to stress, or just feeling under the weather or just having a bad day or two.  But 3 weeks?  He’s upset about something else and taking it out on you. 

I know you said you’ve tried to talk to him about this already, but here’s some tactics to try: Say I and a feeling instead of you and an action.  So “I feel like there’s been a lot of tension between us lately.  Can we talk about what’s going on?”  instead of “You’ve been acting very stressed lately, can we talk about what’s going on?”.  When you use the words I and a feeling, it’s less confrontational and accusatory than you and an action, even if you’re saying the same thing. 

Post # 15
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@rcac1208:  my DH definitely gets like this when he’s stressed out — and yes, it is very annoying. I can’t imagine it going on consistently for weeks, though! Definitely sounds like something is stressing him out and he’s fraying around the edges. I agree with PP that you need to just sit him down and talk to him about it. Point out that he’s blowing up on you for nothing and basically tell him that he can either knock it right off or he can talk to you about what’s bothering him.

I basically had to train DH that me saying “something stinks in this kitchen” is not the same as me saying “it’s your fault that something stinks in this kitchen”, which is how he would interpret my EVERY observation/complaint. And if he does snip at me, I just shake my head at him and leave the room. Moments later, he reappears and apologizes to me, and the snippy mood is gone. But that also took some training!

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