Post # 1
So it’s been just over two months since we were married…..none of my Dad’s family came to my destination wedding. (None of my Mom’s did either, including her-different story) My grandparents said they didn’t feel like going to the beach..it wasn’t the beach they would have picked (sanibel island, florida)..it was too hot (mid 80s everyday, not even as hot as where I live, or where they live)….so after listening to all the excuses (basically they are mad because DH took a job 7 hours away and we moved, taking my 8 year old) I finally just went on with the wedding, and the guests that did come on my side (Dad, his wife, my sister, her husband and daughter..and my daughter) I appreciated. (DH’s family, about 25 people..all from the same area my family lives, in KY)
Dad calls me yesterday to tell me that my grandparents are at the beach this week. Uhhhhhhh…my sister reminds me that they did this to her…they refused to come to the wedding and then took a vacation two hours up the coast from her and didn’t even try to see her…….we’re just like…..O_o (We think that grandfather is just so controlling that he wouldn’t let grandmother come…it wasn’t on his terms or his idea..he’s always been mean to her)
But seriously. What do I say when I go back to KY for Thanksgiving? I feel like I give all my time, vacations…everything to them. Every week I get a call from my grandmother telling me that DH should take a job in KY (We just moved, bought a house..and BESIDES the company doesn’t have any openings in KY or we would have stayed..they can’t seem to understand that), that I have ripped the baby away from the family..etc etc..it’s draining. I feel like at TG I will be bomboarded with wedding questions that I don’t feel like answering. No one was interested while we planned it, no one came, but then they will want to see pics and criticize it. (i’m fat..already heard that one..why didn’t I get my hair/nails done, why didn’t I wear a white dress…we’ve already discussed it but they will want a recap…)
I just want to be able to sit there, eat my fattening food, make polite conversation, and then go see my friends/DH’s family, people that appreciate and approve of me…I don’t want to be a B..but I feel like if they back me into a corner I will. Helpppp me not to be a snarky B!!! Ugh. I’m already dreading this!
Post # 3
I’d make a point and NOT go back there for Thanksgiving. Why subject yourself to the misery that will ensue?
Post # 4
We already decided we aren’t going for Christmas. But, my daughter has to go to HER Dad’s house…and DH’s family all meets for TG in the area..so we will be there…maybe we will just do a quick stop in- for appearances. But you are right, it’s always miserable. Usually no one speaks to me unless it’s a complaint about how I am living (??) so I go unnoticed. Ugh, family.
Post # 5
if they ask at Thanksgiving “So how was the wedding” you should reply something a lil snarky “you’d know if you went instead of the beach” they need to know you are hurt by this. that’s so messed up
Post # 6
@MississippiQueen: I’m so sorry to hear about all this. That’s really sad that your family didn’t come out to support you. In all honesty, I think you need to step up and say something. I understand they’re your grandparents, but if they’re going to be so negative and critical, you need to put a stop to it.
When they start asking about the wedding, you should say, “You would have seen it had you been there. I’ll send you an album in the mail so you can see it all for yourselves, whenever you want. Right now, I just want to enjoy my Thanksgiving meal.” That should cut them off. And then you can always order those little booklets of pictures and make them an album and send it to them, this way they can criticize as much as they’d like, at home.
When they start talking about the move, you should say, “You’re right, we should stay in KY and be unemployed, living in the street, because that would be better for my daughter than taking a job that pays well and gives us benefits but has up move a few hours away. You can always visit us on one of your many vacations or else we’ll just see you everytime we come to town, like it has been.”
Honestly, I think a little bit of sarcasm/snark is in order.
Post # 7
See that’s how I usually am. I want to be all dramatic and dark, but I just can’t. I’m flip and a smartass. I want to gush and be like OHMYGODITWASSOAMAZING and we spent a week visiting with all our guests and sat on the beach and took tons of pics and ate crazy food…but I just see myself raising my eyebrow and being like, “wouldn’t you like to know, bitchesssss” and walking out. They are hella rude.
Post # 8
Don’t give them any details about the wedding just reply to all wedding questions with “You would know if you had cared to attend.”
Post # 9
Is it possible to just stop by for dessert? I’m sorry that they are like this… What’s the point of missing out on family celebrations just to crab about it later?
Post # 10
It’s grandparents, two aunts, and some cousins. All of which are adults.
Nothing has ever been good enough. No job I’ve had, the way I’ve raised my daughter as a single mom, working long nights/weekends…my grandmother has actually always pushed me to “marry a doctor”..really, that’s the hopes you have for me? Thanks. So when they see that we are doing really well financially, stable, daughter is involved in activities, and I am basically a housewife with a photography business starting up, they can’t stand it. Whatever. I’m just going to get my mashed potato fix.
I will probably make albums and send them later.
*After the family’s shower (my step sister threw for me, that they complained about coming to -it was 30 minute drive..I drove 7 hours to be there, I digress) my grandmother called me a million times to remind me to send thank you cards. I didn’t. I thanked everyone individually, and planned on sending wedding pics with thanks. She said people would think we are “redneck” if I didn’t. Who??? The aunts that showed up? My step mother? My two friends that came?
ya’ll please excuse me today, I’m feeling my PMS.
Post # 11
I probably wouldn’t go for Thanksgiving. Serves them right that you’d be in town and conveniently can’t make it.
If you do decide to go and are asked about it. I’d say “Oh it was lovely. I’m sorry your beach trip kept you from attending.”
Post # 12
Dont ruin your holiday. Spend it with family and friends that LOVE you- if none of them are in KY, stay in your new hometown and enjoy the beach!!!! Screw your family. They have done nothing to support you, your daughter, your family, so why should they be able to enjoy her when you visit? I say at most, stop by for dessert. Say whatever snarky comment you feel like, you need to get it off your chest or it’ll just eat away at you. Maybe they don’t realize how upset you were?
Post # 13
Awww, so sorry about this *hugs* I can relate. Barring a miracle from God himself, my mother and brother and sister will not be at my wedding….their loss.
I love both your ideas of either raving on and on about how amazeballs it is, or being like, “wouldn’t you like to know, bitchessss!” LOL. mrskopp2be gave awesome advice as well.
Additionally, congratulations to you for sticking to your guns and having the life that is right for you and your family, regardless of what other people think. High five! If only more people were true to themselves like that.
Post # 14
Thanks ladies…just the backbone I needed today!!
Post # 15
I actually advise against the snark, it just gives your family more ammunition against you.
If asked about the wedding, just say that it was lovely and you couldn’t have imagined a better day. If they try and start picking at you while looking at pictures, then you say to them “I’m sorry, I don’t have to listen to this” and get up and walk away.
Being snarky back to them only eggs them on, you have to stop the bullshit in its tracks with some people.
Post # 16
@Neetch: That is really a mature way of dealing with it.
If you can do that, more power to you OP!
But sometimes I think being nice is what eggs people on – they see someone vulnerable that they can take advantage of and attack and they do. Sometimes you need to have a bit of spark in you to get them to stop.
That decision is yours – only you know what way would probably be best to get them to stop!
But I agree w/ PP, I didn’t realize not going back for TG was an option. If you don’t have to go, don’t. They sure didn’t go to your WEDDING!