RANT | Is it rude of to alter a suit that is paid by the wedding party?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Rude! : (14 votes)
    16 %
    It's your prerogative! : (72 votes)
    84 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    9425 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Is that baggy suit thing a style some people like?

    I recently was at an international conference and an Asian man who attended consistently wore super baggy suits like the one you posted, throughout the 7 day conference.  I knew him only by his very baggy suits… They were much too baggy to be a mistake: either he has a very tall and broad shouldered family member who lent him the suits or he bought them that way on purpose.

    So.. is it a style some people like for whatever reason? And if so, was that what your aunt was going for?

    Post # 32
    Member
    99 posts
    Worker bee

    I was a bridesmaid once and sort of had the same issue. 

    Her mom was making the dresses. We had to purchase the material- a beautiful navy blue!

    None of us got measured- MOB just asked for our size and we went from there. 2 weeks before the wedding and we tried them on. 

    Of the 4 of us- all of us had issues with the dress. Mine was- the bust was far too loose. Double sided tape would be required for me to even move and I’m sorry- but I didn’t feel comfortable wearing it with the possibility of a nip slip. Second issue was the slit on the side kinda “curved” into my vagina area. No matter how careful I walked- people were going to get a show. 

    The other BMs raised their concerns about it being far too long- talking like a foot of extra fabric. The straps were too long- the straps were actually the only material covering nipples. And another slit was curved into the butt and stopped at just above where the butt started. 

    Sadly- MOB didn’t have time to fix anything. It was good enough. All of us said we’re not walking around in those dresses and she said again it was fine. 

    We took them and got them altered. And stayed as much as possibly to what the bride envisioned for fit- we had seen Pinterest pictures. 

    Bride and MOB were furious- but I mean- we paid for the material. And we expressed concerns about the fit. 

    I think bride fumed for 6 months and eventually got over it. We saw her wedding pictures and she mentioned with a laugh “can you imagine your crotch being in my wedding album?” And laughed.

    In short- I don’t see an issue with altering

    Post # 35
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2019

    I think its common practice to get suits fitten and dresses altered. Your aunt was being a c you next tuesday.

    Post # 36
    Member
    961 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    montecristo :  I prefer the way you tailored your suit and think that fashion-wise and personal preference, it is a better look.  I can understand how you would feel a bit frumpy/unkempt in a larger, baggy suit. We all like certain shapes and cuts on our figure and prefer, when we are able, to reflect those things.

    I think in this instance, your aunt likely purchased the “matching” suit specifically to put you in something that was a loose cut and style.  Without saying it, she was telling you don’t wear the “tight suit.”  I don’t see it as a tight, ill-fitted suit at all but some people prefer that first baggier look.  And, if everyone else in the wedding party wears a loose fitted suit, you will look different and the “matching” nature of the suit will be lost.

    Technically what you did IS changing the entire suit because men’s suits are classified by both accents and the tailoring “fit”/“cut” of the suit. Yes, it has the same width of lapels, the same cuff details and amount of buttons – but you know that there is a “classic” fit of suit, a “modern” fit of suit and a “slim” fit suit.  Your jacket cut in the actual photo of you is a slim fitted jacket. It is not a comfort/classic style, and since suits are labeled for fit CUTS for men, this technically was a different suit that you created. It is also “Italian” vs. “American” and any other number of names. If you were a female and your wedding party all picked loosely fit sheath dresses and one of them tailored her dress to show her curves, she would no longer be uniform.  This isn’t a matter of making a suit style in a particular cut fit you better, it was a difference of changing the cut of the suit through 400 of tailoring which was immediately apparent.

    Do I think it was a bad fashion choice? Not really. But do I think you were perfectly aware of what you were doing and are now acting falsely affronted, yes, sure.  

    Post # 37
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee

    her gagging and cursing up a storm would have made her look 100% the bad guy for her unreasonable reaction, but then you decided to take off your pants and throw them at her. i feel bad for the bride and groom in all of this.

    if your aunt bought you a suit and you thought it would require $400 in alterations for you to be comfortable wearing it…a conversation if your aunt beforehand wouldn’t have been out of line. “hey, i’m not comfortable wearing this as is, would you prefer i get it tailored to be more of a slim fit or would you rather return it and i can wear one of my own black suits?” …i don’t think there is anything wrong with being comfortable in what you wear, but if someone else is buying the clothing they have a reasonable expectation of it looking like it did when they bought it. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    387 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

    I don’t think it was rude for you to alter the suit to fit you properly. However, you taking off your suit and throwing at her was out of line. Yes, the aunt shouldn’t have cursed at you for what you did, however what you did was bit too far. You could have told her that if the aunt, or the wedding couple was uncomfortable with the shape of your suit, you will step out of the photos (or something in those lines).  I think your mother is more angry at you for the behaviour you showed towards your aunt rather than the fact that you altered the suit. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    If the pics you posted were similar to the before/after of the suit, you were totally not out of line.  Taking the suit off was a bit over the top, but we don’t know your family dynamic.  I can’t IMAGINE ANYONE in my family EVER swearing at someone like that.  It’s too bad things escalated like they did.  

    Post # 40
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    View original reply
    tinneranne2 :  Would you wear a dress someone bought for you if it was many sizes too big??  Not just a bad style but way too big?  It’s different than an unflattering bridesmaid dress – at least those are bought to the size that fits you.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1527 posts
    Bumble bee

    Your aunt was way out of line. I understand that in Asian culture men should look similar at weddings, but you didn’t throw out the suit or turn it into something completely different you just got it tailored. If I was being forced to wear a badly fitted baggy dress to a wedding I would get it tailored too.

    I really don’t get this opinion that when it comes to wedding all common courtesy and respect goes out of the window. People are not puppets to be dressed up and used as props on your big day. They are human beings who have thoughts and feelings on what they look like the same as every other day of year. Just because it’s your wedding doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to force people to wear shit they don’t want to. If he doesn’t feel comfortable wearing a suit that 10 sizes too big then that’s his perogative and his aunt should have just been happy he didn’t throw it out and wear one of his own. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    12811 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    notmeeither :  The same cut that fits one man’s body type is never going to properly fit or flatter another. It is absurd to tell someone he can’t tailor his suit. As a PP said, people are not props. OP altered it to fit his frame. If it looks anything like the photo he provided of his other suit it was in no way over the top and looked great. 

    He should never ever have stooped to the aunt’s level, cursed her in turn or thrown the suit at her. But if she was ordering him to leave, then he had no choice but to leave. That is on her.  

    Post # 43
    Member
    2309 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Hm, I do think your aunt specifically wanted you in a looser fitting suit, and may have intentionally upsized to ensure that happened. I bet if you had a custom (well) made suit that was a looser fit she would have allowed that. Her comment that now you’d have a “good” suit though was pretty bitchy. (I’m reminded of the WB poster from 10 years ago who’s boss took her out to eat at a Longhorn Steakhouse so she could “be exposed to culture” and no, that was not said ironically). 

     

    I think maybe a better way to handle it would have been to tell her beforehand you really didn’t feel comfortable in such an ill fitting suit and you were willing to either pay for it to be altered out of pocket or you could give it back to her and let her choose her favorite of your existing suits and wear that. 

     

    But gagging when she sees you in a slim fitting suit? I kind of wish you had walked in wearing only a bow tie and short shorts just to mess with her. 

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