- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
So, Fiance and I decided we do not want children at our wedding ceremony, and a couple of weeks ago my sister-in-law emailed me to find out if we had decided whether or not my nephew (who will be 15 months old) could attend. I explained that we thought it would be best if he didn’t, but he was welcome at the reception. I also told her that we will be arranging child care in one of the hotel rooms above the ceremony, which will only be about 30 minutes long.
My SIL doesn’t think this is acceptable and sent me a rather passive agressive email saying how disappointed she is that we don’t want her at our ceremony (if he can’t come, she can’t come, she says). I spoke to my brother about it, and he said “She can’t do it, she will be worrying about him the whole time. She can’t leave him”. I told him I’m sorry that she feels that way, but we are not changing our minds.
Besides, there’s a whole other reason why he shouldn’t be there:
I have a very rocky relationship with my mom. She was a very bad parent, and is extremely manipulative and selfish and all around very hard to interact with. I’ve done my best to forgive her for the things she’s done to me and my siblings, but I’m grateful for the fact that she now lives in another country and I can keep her at arms length. She wasn’t happy to hear that she wasn’t welcome at my wedding, but she has accepted it, and will be watching the ceremony by skype (she lives in another country).
My brother has completely disowned my mom. He hasn’t spoken to her since his wedding (to which she was not invited), and she doesn’t even know that he has a baby. I have been a dutiful sister and kept the secret for him. She harasses me about my brother and why he hates her so much (she’s crazy), and it is super stressful. I realize that that’s her fault, not his, but it doesn’t change the fact that his relationship with her is a stressor for me, and if she finds out that he has a baby *and* that I kept it a secret from her, she will be angry and heartbroken and it will be horrific. I do not want this happening at my wedding. I just want my mother to watch me walk down the aisle, and pretend that everything is okay.
So basically, my brother wants his wife to be able to bring her baby to the wedding just so she doesn’t have to worry about him for a half hour, meanwhile he expects me to cut said baby out of all of my wedding video so my mother doesn’t find out. Oh, and yanno, somehow make sure that she doesn’t accidentally see him during the ceremony. FI thinks I already go to extremes to acommodate my brothers unreasonable requests (like we can’t give FI’s sister a copy of our wedding video if he’s in it. And he’s the man of honour so I will have to cut out his speech.) but I just want to make him happy. He’s difficult to get along with and we have a rough relationship as it is.
Anyway… I guess I’m not really looking for advice, I’m just so sad and needed to rant. Everyone in my family seems to be thinking about themselves. I feel like a spoiled brat saying it, but I wish I had at least one family member who cared about what I might want at my own wedding. 🙁