(Closed) RANT no baby at the wedding.. Unique situation.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
32 posts
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Junip3r:  ohhhhh what a horrible situation!!! I’m so sorry to hear all this is going on! Big hugs! 

Post # 4
394 posts
Helper bee

I don’t see anything at all wrong with you sticking with your child-free preference. My god, he’s 15 months old  and she can’t be away from him for an hour. She will probably move into his dorm room when he goes to college too. So don’t worry anymore about it. As far as everyone and everything else, do your wedding the way you want it, and their participation in it is up to them. You don’t sound like a brat at all, I think you have everything well thought out, so don’t go out of your way to make unreasonable accomodations like editing people out of videos.

Post # 5
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry you are feeling this way…I totally understand how you feel I have a sister that I am not close with and I have not spoken to for years. I am asked by my oldest sister to invite her to the wedding and reception. I like you dont want children in or at the wedding or reception.

I am still deciding whether or not I will ask her but I probably will because it will make my sister happy. I am not going to change my mind about children attending.




Post # 6
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

i can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.

They are really putting you in a tough situation.

I think that if she is not willing to leave the baby then it would be easier if she doesn’t attend.

i think you need to stand your ground on this one. Goodluck 

Post # 8
179 posts
Blushing bee


If I were you I would stick to the child free policy. I’d be worried that if your mother accidently saw the child it could cause bigger issues then your SIL not attending your ceremony. I’m sorry you’re in this position. 

Post # 10
1193 posts
Bumble bee

There is no good reason why she can’t leave her baby for a short amount of time to keep your request for a child free cereomy. I think you have made it as easy as possible for them by arranging day care in the hotel close to the ceremony site. If she can’t part from him for a little while then she has to accept that she will be missing the cereomy and not put that on you. I am glad you are standing firm on your decision. Sorry about the added stress of the situation with your mom but your SIL should respect your wishes without having to add another element of stress regarding your Mom too.

Post # 11
2683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry. What a pain. But this is totally one of those “Oh well, i’m sorry you feel this way, but I’m excited to see you at the reception” situations! No kids = no kids. Oh well, not the end of the world. 

I don’t understand why you have to go to elaborate lengths to hide this baby. Your mom will one day find out there’s a baby. Another “oh well.” moment, but I understand why you don’t want it to be your wedding day. Why not just start telling your brother “I know that you don’t want mom to know about BabyX. I don’t plan to tell her and understand why you’ve drawn this boundary, but I’m not going to lie nor am I going to edit my life to keep this secret for you.” 

I don’t get at all why your brother thinks he can’t be in a wedding video for someone else. That’s another issue though. 

Post # 12
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I feel bad for you reading this. It’s so close to my own family I can relate. Maybe don’t keep secrets? I know you’re not asking for advice. You’re totally right, it’s your brother or his wife’s job to tell your mother about the baby and the place for her to find out is not at the wedding. I guess your extended family’s smallish. Even when she does know, it changes nothing and you have every right to say no kids allowed. Good for you for laying down that law if that’s what you need. I wish family would just behave.

Hopefully you have the right people standing next to you on the day to help mitigate and control which of those weird family things have a chance of disturbing you.

Post # 13
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@Junip3r:  I wanted to respond to this one too – If your brother is being hesitant about standing up with you at your wedding then let him out of the obligation if you’ve already asked and he’s already agreed. Conflicts of interest cropping up on the day would create some really unpleasant or awkward situations. Also, it’s totally up to you who you want to be in your bridal party or give you away or speak at your wedding or whatever. Even if he means well, him telling you that rubs me the wrong way.

Post # 14
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Yikes! Does your brother not care if your mother sees your nephew? 

Regardless, you can leave a 15 month old with a sitter for 30 minutes. Does his mother stay with him 24/7 or something? 

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