Post # 1
This is really stupid to complain about in the grand scheme of things, I recognize that. But does anyone notice that people entertain in their homes less and less these days? I feel like my husband and I throw cocktail parties and dinner parties and have people over, but it’s never reciprocated. The most people will do is invite you to go out to dinner or to a bar — they won’t have you over. Maybe people just don’t like us, but I feel like it might be a trend. People just don’t put in the effort to entertain…
It just made me so sad today when I realized that we did not have even one Christmas party or even to go to this year, even though I threw a big Christmas dinner party last year…
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
We do 🙂 FH & I and our friend love to entertain at home – we’ve found its cheaper too.
I would be really frustrated if I had ppl over, but they never had us over though, so I understand your frustration.
Post # 4
Thanks Ali — I really enjoy doing this stuff too! I should probably just accept that people don’t like it as much as me though. But thanks for letting me know I’m not totally crazy! 🙂
Post # 5
Every 2 weeks my fi and I have another couple over or we go over their house. Its a nice change of pace and we can catch up, usually have too much wine and then its over. I think the idea of having a huge dinner party is overwhelming to some people. I doubt its because they dont’ like you. If they didn’t like you they wouldn’t come to yours. :o)
Throw another party this year…It can be a new tradition!
Post # 6
My Fiance and I love to entertain. We do it about once a month, but are maybe invited to dinner parties hosted by others. I suppose its not everyones style or idea of fun, but I doubt lack invitations indicates that people dislike you.
Post # 7
My fiance and I love to entertain. We just had a holiday party last week. We had ours early, since weekends around the holidays tend to book quick. I have noticed that my sister and I like to throw parties, but not a lot of other people do. They are expensive and a lot of work. A lot of our friends are young, so I’m fine with just throwing them myself. To cut down on costs for this past party, we asked each guest to bring either an appetizer or dessert. It cut down on costs and stress. Everyone said they had a great time. I think when everyone helps out, you won’t resent them not hosting as much. I tend to host a lot of parties and my friends don’t, they just aren’t the hosting type and I am, so I am sure it is just their personalities and nothing against you.
Post # 8
I can commiserate with you… I love to cook & my family always throws big parties, however we live in a tiny apartment currently and can fit no more than 2 other couples at a time tops. With that said, many of our friends have houses, but never invite anyone over! The couple with the biggest home are the worst at this, always suggesting we meet at a bar or restaurant instead 😛 I want to trade places with them and give their house the entertainment it deserves!! I agree that it costs $$ to throw a dinner party, but once and a while even a small meal or just drinks & apps would be a nice change from an overpriced night on the town…
Post # 9
tater — my thoughts exactly!
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL
I can understand too! I personally love to entertain, and it gives me motivation to clean the house, haha. Bur our friends don’t seem to do it very often. Now that you mention it, its pretty rare! And we’ve had big get togethers at our place at least 4x this year. I would do it more, but we live kinda far from most of our friends and don’t want to make them trek to the suburbs. Well 30 mins isnt too bad, but its inconvenient for some I guess. *shrug*
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2019 - Our home and the two acres it sits on
We host "open house" kinds of parties — booze and food for people who want to drop by, and also sit down dinners. Honestly, the sit down dinners are more fun, because then we know who’s coming and we all spend time together. We have a couple of neighbors with whom we do this, and they reciprocate pretty well, but none of our friends do. 🙁
Post # 12
For us, I think it has a lot to do with costs. Its very cheap to feed just the two of us. When we have to spend a weeks worth of grocery money just to have his siblings & SO’s over for dinner for one night, its a whole lot easier to go out to dinner. I know people said they just have each guest bring something, but that is usually an appetizer or drink, which is usually something that guest will consume anyway….you can’t very well invite someone to dinner and ask them to bring a main course, you know? We still try to do it once a month. And everyone I know has kids, so they don’t seem to have their own parties either.
Post # 13
I sometimes get frustrated by the same thing! For awhile I had a roomie…I convinced myself we were in the center (geographically), and there were 2 of us to plan it. But, then I realize almost 4 years later, I am still the one to host most parties, and she no longer lives in the state….even with my new friends…we are rarely invited to parties but seem to have people over even when we are crazy busy…I wonder if those people just never throw parties, or if we aren’t invited, lol. I usually convince myself they don’t throw parties, since why would they come to our parties if they don’t like us. That just doesn’t make sense.
I think some people just care more about things being "fair"/"even", and it doesn’t occur to others. I’ve decided to stick with potluck style, so we don’t feel as put out as we would if we paid for EVERYTHING, then never got a reciprocal invite. Of course, we still pay for a lot. 😛
Post # 14
Ironically, chicagowife, I was just saying the same thing.
Basically, we throw a hell of a party, be it rager or dinner party, style, food, and entertainment wise that we intimidate our friends to the point that they feel their efforts would be inferior. lol. i dunno if that’s true, but maybe 50%.
I agree, at least come with a hostess gift to show your gratitude. And a tasteful "thank you" card after the fact to reitterate the great time you had would be enough. And if they never had you over but did those things, wouldnt you be happy?
I know I would.
Post # 15
jlgem might have a good point…those of us who love to entertain probably put a lot of effort and thought into it. As a result, the parties we throw are well executed and organized, and I’m sure it shows to the guests. So, if we have friends who aren’t as "into" entertaining as we are, it makes sense that they might not even want to bother if they feel like they have to throw as involved an event as we do.
I wonder…if your friends had you over for a casual dinner or game night or something, would that make you feel better? Or, are you just interested in more "official" eventS? (I’m just thinking that some non-entertainers may just be intimidated.)
Post # 16
I would settle for a game night! We like to have couples over every week for a nice dinner. (OK, they might be intimidated since I took a 10-week cooking course) But no one has invited us back! Not even for anything casual 🙁 Its a shame.
Anyone in the Bay Area want to get together and form an entertaining club?