(Closed) Rant – Not Enough Quality Time Together – Advice?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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MiaBella03:  You’re welcome, I hope you two find something that helps. He needs to be on board too though, you can’t be doing all of the work.

DH leaves the house at 6am and gets in at 19:15/30 unless traffic is bad or there’s a crisis. Home at 10pm once a week. Bed by ten sharp because he’s up again so early so I do get it. But I just looked up once and realised all he did (and then me too as a result) was attach himself to a device to relax. I totally understand needing to relax but not if there’s a better way and not at the detriment to our relationship. I felt like we were housemates. We’re really trying to work on our communication and the devices off thing really has helped tremendously.

Dating can be whatever you want it to be. It’s just quality time together when you can really talk. For some it’s hiking, others a bar and a bottle of wine. But talk, he needs to pull his head out of work for his own health too.

At least he knows your displeasure regarding the job. I hope he understands to respect you enough to never repeat such actions again. He needs to learn to hedge his bets. It’s fine to say ‘thank you very much for the offer, I need to discuss the finer details with my wife. When do you need to know by?’ They already want him at that stage. You being an occasional gives you no lesser position in the household. You’re a team.

The good news is this is all easily solvable. It just takes work and persistence. Take care.

Post # 18
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

DH’s previous job was a crazy schedule, and it really started to hurt our relationship/time together. What we ended up doing was setting up one night a week that was a date night, no matter what, and we made an effort to plan something out of the house (even if it was just going for a walk or a drive), so that we wouldn’t end up just watching Netflix like we do most evenings.

Maybe you could schedule one date night and one electronics-free night each week? 

Post # 19
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

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MiaBella03:  This is a tough one, I’ve dealt with it with my husband, but on an opposite schedule, the spring/summer months are his busiest of the year with fall being high stress because the products of all that work are then due – we are finally in his “slow” period now and he still can’t seem to switch out of work mode… 

I don’t really have a ton of advice, mostly just to say you’re not alone! One thing though, you mentioned that you don’t really go on dates anymore – why don’t YOU plan some? I started doing this with my husband and it’s worked wonders.  I’ll ask him for a day/evening when he thinks he’ll be free (with the understanding that scheudles change) and then I plan a surprise date.  He leaves his phone and laptop at home and we go have some fun together.  It’s not always a big “thing” that requires a lot of planning, sometimes it’s going out to dinner, or taking the dogs on a new hiking trail, hitting up the local flea market for some fun finds, etc.  But it’s something we do together without technology interfereing.  At first he thought it was a dumb idea, and he was just humoring me, but after the first few, he really looks forward to our unplugged time.  

Post # 20
5874 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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MiaBella03:  I’m sorry for your rough time Bee!

I don’t think it’s a quantity issue, I think it’s a quality issue.  Here are some strategies I’d consider

1) Cut out the TV.  Or at least cut it down.  We all know it’s a crappy way to spend time, but we do it anyway.  If you aren’t willing to go cold turkey, maybe try limiting yourselves to only watching TV 1-2 nights per week.  

2) Instead of spending your precious 1-2 hours together watching TV try these activities: go for a walk, cook & eat dinner together, or…how should I say this…enjoy some sexy times.  Even if you go grocery shopping or to the gym together, it’s decent quality time that allows you to destress and still feel productive.

I think if you can convert your 1-2 hours a day together into some better quality time you’ll both be a lot happier.

Post # 21
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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MiaBella03:  move to ND, we’re dying for teachers!  I work at a university that specializes in Education majors, and I would say that probably around 75% of graduates get a full-time teaching jobs the year after graduation (usually in a small town, but still).  And if they don’t, it’s very easy to find sub positions and they could be working full-time subbing.  With both of you having several years experience, you would pretty easily be able to find jobs in your choice of towns in the state.  Sure, ND isn’t known for paying teachers well, but cost of living is low too. 

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