Post # 1
Going anon to rant.
My friend Anne and I have known each other for 3 -4 years.. I sent out wedding invites in late May for an early Sept wedding. I asked all of my friends, “Are you dating anyone?” Anne told me she was seeing a few guys, but none were keepers. I marked on her RSVP card “1 seat has been reserved in your honor.” I did this for all single people. Our wedding is only 80 people.
We are now 5-6 weeks from the wedding, RSVPs are due soon. Anne texts me asking if she can bring this guy she’s seeing to a party we’re throwing. I say sure. They’ve been dating just over a month. She asks, if Fiance and I like him, can he come to the wedding. I tell her no, we don’t have space and the guest list was set back in May.
She gets mad (still texting) and says she was offended that I assumed she would be single for my wedding just because she has been single for the past 4 years. I replied that I didn’t make assumptions, that she told me that she was single when I sent invitations. That we’re only inviting 40 friends total.
I thought that was the end of that, but of course it wasn’t. She just texted me that she doesn’t want to push the issue but she’ll be very uncomfortable surrounded by couples at the wedding. I replied that we have her sitting with friends of mine who are single or coming without their SO’s. I haven’t heard back yet but I bet this isn’t the end of it.
She will know 14 people there who went to undergrad with her. She has also met every single friend of ours who is coming. There are at least 8 people coming without dates, probably more.
Edited for length.
Post # 3
@SecretSharpie: People just don’t realize a) how much weddings cost and how each additional person adds to this cost, b) that perhaps you only want people that you are close to / have met more than once before at what is really a very important and intimate moment in your life.
Anne wouldn’t be alone, there will be other singles there, surely she can be date-less for a few hours for your wedding – especially since you asked her if she was dating anyone first! I wish people would realize that they can’t be the exception all the time… We’ve had luck just telling people that sorry, we can’t allow any extra guests as we have already had to cut our guest list of good friends due to space limitations – this makes them realize that you’re at capacity and also that you’ve already had to sacrifice some on the guest list, and unless they are really bold I doubt anyone would argue that their significant other is more important to be there than your close friends. Perhaps something similar will work for you?
just know that you’re not alone – I just started getting RSVPs back last week and it’s already a nightmare!
Post # 4
I’m currently freaking out about this. I have a feeling that when we invite one of FI’s uncles, his wife, and his daughter, that they’re going to ask if she can bring her boyfriend. I know that we have a while, but considering the fact that they showed up to FI’s cousin’s wedding with a friend of hers in tow…urgh. I’m not even sure if they just showed up with her or if they asked and were told no and did it anyway. She was 15 or 16 at the wedding and will be 18 at our wedding, and over 50% of the guest list is FI’s family, so it’s not like she won’t know anyone!
The worst part is that her dad’s been married 4 times now, so he should really know how much weddings cost. He’s also a pain to get ahold of, so I’ve already informed Fiance that he and his dad will have to get ahold of him if this happens, and I don’t care if they have to call 30 times a day until he answers.
Post # 5
I’m laughing at your friend’s immaturity. She will “feel uncomfortable around couples”? How old is she, 12?
Stick to your guns.
Post # 6
I’m glad everyone agrees that I shouldn’t cave and invite him. I don’t think she has any idea how rude it is to try to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding. I am the first of my friends to get married, so a lot of people have asked weird or semirude questions because they just have no idea.
The thing that gets me is that they JUST started dating. I feel as though she’s trying to prove to herself that she can be in a relationship and have what “everyone else” has.
I just went through the guest list and the next couple in terms of new relationships has been together for almost 2 years. Lol.
Post # 7
Don’t cave. We’re having a small wedding too (115 guests but how I wish it had stayed at the original 80 people!) and we did not give anyone who was single a plus one.
A few years ago Fiance & I went to a wedding where one of his single friends decided not to show up because he didn’t get to bring a date. He wasn’t with anyone and there were at least 3 tables of people he knew! A few weeks before the wedding at a party, he threw a fit about it. I could only imagine what he said to the bride.
Just keep telling your friend that there were many other people that you wanted to invite but were unable to due to space and cost reasons. Sorry her flavour of the month isn’t welcome!
Post # 8
Oh gosh…I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this!
I don’t know what it is about people and wedding guest lists..they assume they can do whatever they want!! One of FI’s friends called to ask if she can bring TWO guests..no…no you can not. She was lucky that she got to bring one guest.
Oh, and Future Mother-In-Law….she invited one friend of hers from work and this lady’s husband. I happen to know this couple because I went to gradeschool with their son. So I sent them an invitation about a month ago with all the others. Then on Thursday Future Mother-In-Law tells me she wants to add another friend to the list and if she can’t, she’s going to tell Friend #1 that she cannot bring her husband because she wants Friend #2 to come instead!!! They all work together, so the two ladies know eachother, but who in the hell tells somebody “you can’t bring your husband, who was already invited, because I want Friend #2 instead.” FML!!!
Then, FI’s grandma (FMIL’s mom) was at dinner with us on Thursday and was talking about her sisters keeping an eye on “Rene” at the wedding…..THERE IS NO RENE ON THE GUEST LIST!!! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!!!! They never gave me the names of these people, so they aren’t invited!
Sorry….When I read your post, OP, I got angry.
Post # 9
So, after all that annoyance, drama, whining….
Anne is not attending the wedding because she has to take her mom in for surgery. Turns out she knew that she would probably have to take her mom in for surgery if her dad couldn’t and she was waiting to hear back from her dad. Seriously? You didn’t even make sure you were 100% coming before you started begging to bring your new boyfriend?
Also, I think she and the guy broke up. She just uploaded pictures to facebook from her crazy weekend with an old flame who came to town for several days.