(Closed) Rant.. Sorry gals but I dont know who else to talk to..

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Keep your Mom out of it then. She isn’t a friend where she has to listen and act supportive no matter what the issue is. She’s going to give her opinion b/c she’s your Mom. Why does she know so much about it anyway? We make a real effort to make decisions in private then communicate them to our parents after they’re set in stone. That way, no one can try to talk us out of it or bring us down.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Been there, done that. My parents always felt like if he loved me, he’d do anything for me, so I should just take advantage of that situation, basically. Not cool.

Ultimately, your mom doesn’t need to know details. Just tell her up front when she asks why you’ve stopped talking wedding stuff with her is that she’s not supportive and understanding and just makes the sitaution worse insteaed of being helpful. If she’s at all like my mom, she’ll make a really big effort to change how she takes in the information and what sort of advice she gives. Sometimes my mom THINKS she’s being helpful but in reality she just didn’t understand the situation 100%.

But at the same time, you can’t move until you sell the house. What are the roadblocks to your Boyfriend or Best Friend moving to GA? Could he get a job where you live? Do you WANT to stay in GA or move to Pittsburgh? I have a friend who lives in Pittsburgh and HATES it, despite the fact her husband is there. The weather kills her!

Either way, it’s going to take awhile to sell your house. So if you’re going to do it, just DO IT and tell your mom it’s done. If you own your own home, opening everything up for discussion with her can be like opening up a big can of worms.

Post # 5
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with moderndaisy. As hard as it may seem, it’ll be so much better for your sanity if you make an effort not to discuss stuff like that in front of your mom so that she can’t input her opinion. My mother is exactly the same, only instead of being wishy washy she thinks we’re doing it all wrong and doesn’t want to relinquish control (which makes it doubly hard cause we’re currently living with her). So FH and I try to have all our wedding conversations in private so we can make our decision without interference. 

Post # 6
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, I think I’d try not to allow this conversation to come up again.  Your Mother may have some valid points but this is a decision you need to make with your boyfriend.  Now, regarding the house, worst case scenario, could you rent it out?  I mean, for you put in on the market.  I say this because what if you move there and it just doesn’t work out for whatever reason.  You and he could move back to GA.  Just an idea, not sure how realistic it is. 

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I know it can be frustrating when your mom doesn’t see things the way you do, but as PP have said, rather than focusing on how to convince her of your opinions, just don’t include her in these conversations. Honestly, even putting aside the moving issue, I don’t think it makes much sense to discuss details of a wedding with people until you’re engaged and actually making decisions. 

Regarding moving, moms tend to be heavily biased in favor of their kids staying close to them. So don’t expect her to urge you to move. I think you should figure out with Boyfriend or Best Friend what makes most sense to you as a couple. 

Post # 9
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

That sucks and I understand. Moms can have a hard time letting go. It may be that hearing you talk about it reminds her that her baby girl is moving away from her. Even moms who never seem to have the “Oh, my baby!” moments can feel a twinge when things start to change. You might try to tone it down around her a little and also assure her that she will still be an active part of your life in the future even if there is some distance.

My own mother told me that I “give in too easily” when I told her that ultimately I would want to move to Canada to be with my guy. Sometimes, you just have to do what you feel is best for your relationship and your life. You can’t always slow things down to appease everyone else. It’s hard to not be able to go to mom and ask for advice or just have her as a sounding board when such big changes are going on for you.

For now, try to keep from bringing this up around her too often. It’s just better for your sanity. Make your plans with your boyfriend and decide what to do without her input. If you think she is going to be negative, don’t give her the option to insert any doubt into your plans. Take this time to let your guy know about how she feels and that you may need extra emotional support from him about this. Let your mother know what is going on only as you feel necessary. Good luck.

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