(Closed) Rant: Wedding planning as a pushover

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Well, for the bridesmaids, since I paid for 3 (of 5 total) dresses, I insisted they pay $12.50 to get their makeup done.  And I resisted other people telling me that I needed a professional florist.  And I threw a temper tantrum when Fiance told me he wanted his own special processional.  (Seriously?)

I have thrown way more temper tantrums over the past two months than I have in my life.  Does that make my a bridezilla?  Well… when Fiance keeps suggesting having actual cannons during the getaway…or the Star Wars theme… or wearing a sword at the wedding (to fight off anyone who wants me instead – WTF this isn’t 1643)…  I think I’m allowed to throw a tantrum.

Post # 5
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have definitely started throwing tantrums, myself. I’m still a pushover when it comes to some things, but pregnant hormonal rages have cut those down quite a bit, lol.

Post # 6
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@jackndiane: The first part of this sounds exactly what im going through. My guest list is massive! and i dont want children at the wedding and we are because everyone else wants to have them there… Sorry your going through this too. i wouldnt wish this stress upon my worse enemy!

Post # 7
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@jackndiane:  Well, one of his best friends had a Medieval wedding (with the guys all wearing chain mail and the gals in Renaissance costumes), so it took him a few months to realize I was not going to go for that, too. 

Post # 8
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I like avoidance and evasion.  “Oh, we haven’t finalized the guestlist yet.” “I don’t even know if I want bridemaids!”  “I’ll have to get back to you, I promised my mom I’d bring her along when I pick out my flowers.”

Other than that, either take your Fiance with you ( if he’s more firm than you, that is) or practice saying ‘no’.

good luck! =)

Post # 9
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Learn to say “NO”. As much as it may feel b*tchy or self-centered to just point blank refuse to comply with someone else’s suggestion or request, you and your Fiance are the ones who have invested all the time and effort into your wedding and your wants need to come first.

If you don’t want kids at the wedding and people are trying to bring them anyway, tell them you’ll understand if they can’t make it because they can’t find a sitter for their kid, but your wedding is adults-only and that’s non-negotiable.

Post # 11
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@jackndiane: I feel like its not going to be about Fiance and i. I feel like its going to be all about them!

Post # 12
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

At the end of the day I try to remember that the people that matter will be there no matter what.  So even if they don’t like my decisions, or I didn’t make them a bridesmaid, etc, I know I’m making the choices that Fiance and I want and agree on.  As long as Fiance and I are happy and agree – who cares what other people think?

@rubyred605: Funny you mention the Star Wars theme – that was one of the things I gave in to (it didn’t take much convincing) b/c it made Fiance happy, like really really happy.

Post # 13
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@jackndiane: You are an adult now and with that comes some realizations– You can’t make everyone happy and people will be mad at you. And that is okay. You will always be a doormat if you fear that people won’t like you. Some people will never like you and some people will only like you because you are a doormat.

I bet some people will like you even more when you have a backbone. Yes, the people who are used to walking all over you will throw a fit, but you have to be strong and protect your baby family. You aren’t saying No for selfish reasons, you are  saying NO because you need to start your baby family on the right footing. 

Post # 14
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I totally feel ya on this one! One of the worst part of the wedding planning has been saying “No” to vendors. I just don’t like saying “No” to people. In fact, I got my first problematic RSVP yesterday (someone RSVPed for themselves and someone else who was not on the guest list) and I’m procrastinating on talking to them about it. I’m also one of those types of people where salespeople in malls ask if I have a minute and I end up with $80 of product. Never again! 🙂

Fortunately, my Fiance and Mom have backbones and the three of us want similar things out of the wedding. This has helped tremendously.

I would say that something that has been helpful to me is to write out exactly what I want to say and, if necessary, bring the written down version with you when you talk to the person.

I also like to use lots of concilatory modifiers when breaking news people may not want to hear. Not sure if this is a good thing but at least then maybe people won’t get their feelings hurt? But, of course, don’t outright lie about stuff.

Example: Oh Aunt Caroline, I appreciate that you want to include the children at the wedding and they really are sweet children but we can’t have children at the wedding b/c INSERT REASON HERE.

Mr. Photographer, you are truly a talented photographer but I’m afraid we’ve decided to go with ____ b/c _____. But I will definitely pass your name along.

Post # 15
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was a doormat too,but honestly the first time you say no,and really put your foot down, it feels great!The first few days of feeling guilty of “have you made the right choice” sucks but after that,its like a power trip lol!

Practice being diplomatic about it like @CMSnails said,you dont have to outright say “NO!” but you can come up with ways where people wont feel like you were being outrightly rude or anything

Good luck,and power to you lol!

Post # 16
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@runninginpink: I compromised with the Jurassic Park theme.  🙂  Much prettier, IMO.

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