Ranting and Raving! FI's Family Drama Is Driving Me Crazy

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

bluecutie00 :  Girl this is well over 2,000 words. Can you give us the SparkNotes?

Post # 4
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

I read the whole thing and actually was very entertained by it! Why? Your Future Sister-In-Law and my Future Mother-In-Law are the same person…. 

It took my Fiance a LONG time to realize that she has the emotional intelligence of a child. 

No joke, have you ever researched narcissism? It sounds like she exhibits a lot of symptoms and may be on the spectrum. The only reason I say this is that it helped my Fiance and I a lottttt when it comes to interpreting her behavior and reacting to it… 

it sounds like you have a realllly good head on your shoulders. As long as your Fiance puts you first! Isn’t it annoying when they seemingly forget and forgive these people so quickly just because they share genetics? Ugh…. 

Post # 6
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like your Future Sister-In-Law and my Future Brother-In-Law are the same person. I’m sorry, these situations are really difficult to work through. I would stand firm to your plan of not allowing her in your residence. If she has a history of being physically abusive, I wouldn’t let her in my home–and your family has every right to exercise that same caution. 

If your Fiance has seen the way she’s treated you time and time again and it doesn’t affect his perspective of her, you’ve got bigger problems at play. 

Post # 7
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

Don’t invite her. The problem with narcissistic people is that they can be extremely nice and friendly when it suits their best interests, and family are almost always willing to forgive. It’s clear that you know she is drama, and you have already changed your wedding plans because of all of this drama. What was the point of changing everything, if at the end of the day you invite her into it and give her the chance to muck it up anyway?

Post # 8
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bluecutie00 :  I made it through the whole thing! Sounds like your Future Sister-In-Law (who most likely has personality disorders) is realizing she is missing out on things and is trying to manipulate her way back in. She hasn’t pushed you out (yet) and she isn’t the center of attention either, so this has not worked out the way she hoped.

I understand going from the large wedding to a very small one to avoid drama. I have a step daugher and a SIL (mostly the SD) who are bat shit crazy would have turned our wedding into a shit show. We opted to elope and not invite anyone. It would totally suck if you gave up your orignal plans and then ended up with your SIL causing drama anyway. I wouldnt invite her, I doubt she has changed. People like this like to pretend they have but can’t keep up the charade very long. They tend to initially fool the people who would like to see the change (family). I would advise you to spend more time at group gatherings (not your house), in her presence. That way you wont become the bad guy. You know it is just a matter of time before she implodes and shows her true colors. If she stays on her best behavior, consider having a small BBQ when you get back from your honeymoon and inviting her to that. 

Post # 9
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

Wow- your Future Sister-In-Law sounds exactly like my Future Sister-In-Law, except that my Fiance understands that she is toxic and is cordial with her but keeps her at a distance. She’s nicer to me than she is to her own brother though. She is the biggest reason that we are having an 8 person wedding somewhere far away. She won’t be invited. 

You made the right choice by not going to the wedding and also supporting your Fiance in his decision to go. You’d also be making the right decision by NOT inviting her to your wedding. It sounds like she causes enough drama in your life anyway- regardless of whether or not she’s invited to the wedding. So why bother inviting her? Your wedding should be about you celebrating your life with the people who love and care about you the most. She clearly doesn’t make that cut. Also, I’d maybe hire some security in case she decides to pay an impromptu visit on your wedding day. With girls like that, you seriously never know. 

Post # 10
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think you need to seriously consider what you’re getting into. Your Fiance (future DH) and your Future Mother-In-Law, both believe that she has changed and might keep in denial over her attitude even if she returns to her old self. What are you going to do if, after the wedding and after you’ve accepted her, your Fiance (by then DH) starts resenting you for not getting along with his sister? What will happen if he starts feeling that your are the mean one because you’re not giving her another chance?

You need to make sure that he is 100% on your side despite everything else before you marry him. He is already starting to turn into his sister’s side and expecting you to just forgive her, so I would probably think that if you get married he might even want you to be more closer to his sister or something.

Think carefully, OP.

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