Ranting and Raving! FI's Family Drama Is Driving Me Crazy

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

bluecutie00 :  You sound like you’re on the right track. I used to be close with my brother, but because of my SIL, we aren’t anymore. I hardly talk to him. He knows she’s in the wrong, but for the sake of his sanity, he takes her side. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m in the wrong, but to her face, he takes her side. One time though, he did suggest I apologize for something that was entirely her fault, he even admitted it was her fault, but suggested I apologize to smooth things over. I did not and it’s not my responsibility to smooth things over after she created the mess. It’s sad, but I have my fiance and our future family to look forward to. And I did block my SIL because seeing her nasty texts and passive aggressive FB posts made me upset. My SIL never tried to pry herself into my life, it was more her trying to get me into hers (i.e. free babysitting, housekeeping, buying her kids presents). She is a stay at home mom so I don’t know why she needed so much babysitting and housekeeping. But after I saw through her manipulation and drama, I pulled back ENTIRELY. She flipped out and created a ton of drama for my entire family FOR MONTHS. She is a very jealous person. She has issues with my relationship with my mom. She’s weird about other women. But I’ve had to not come for holidays on certain occasions because I can’t be around her. It’s easier since I can just spend the holidays with my fiance’s family, but it’s still a big adjustment. She doesn’t communicate with me anymore so things have been nice. I’m noticing she’s moving onto my other brother’s new wife though. It’s sad, but at least they live in different cities. I don’t think it will end well.

Post # 49
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

bluecutie00 :  He has already allowed her to alienate him from our family. She comes and goes from our family as she sees fit. She has been out of my life basically for about 1.5 years. My other brother got married November 2016 and since then, she’s been stalking his new wife like prey. I know exactly what she’s doing, but my family thinks it’s her just being super nice to the newest member of the family. But since I keep my distance, I won’t have to see it all explode. In the time between, I’m not sure what she was doing. I know she was on a ton of medication because she has some type of personality disorder, so that has helped. Plus she started taking classes at a community college so that keeps her occupied. But her pattern is get super obsessed with something like having kids, starting a business or going to school and then it doesn’t work out because of her own doing and then she has a massive breakdown. I think her trying to move onto my brother’s new wife is just he beginning of another breakdown because it’s been awhile since her last one.

Post # 50
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

bluecutie00 :  sounds just like a very horrible boss I had. They are cowards who talk about you behind your back because they are jealous of you, and want to appear better than you – by talking you down to everyone. I used to come home crying almost daily because of my boss. One time my mom was visiting, and she gave me great advice. 

Confront her. Get together with her in person and say ‘I hear you’ve been talking about me to other people. If you have a problem with me, you should take it up with me – not talking about me behind my back. The only way we can straighten out any problems between us is to tackle them head on. So, do you have any problems with me right now that we should discuss?’ 

Chances are, she’ll say “no”. (my boss looked just stunned when I hit her with this). 

Then say “great. So I expect that I won’t be hearing anything more from you then about me. If I do there will be consequences… ‘ (then lay out what you will do … cut her off completely; not invite her your wedding, etc…).  At least then the balls in her court. Either she pulls her shit together and stops being a bitch, or you cut her out of your life and don’t have to worry about her anymore  

 

Post # 51
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

nowyouareaghost :  sounds like we worked for the same woman!!! If you tell me you’re Canadian I’m gonna freak out!

these women want to be the centre of attention, want to know everything — mine used to go through my desk when I wasn’t there. Once I was asked for research on bosses that bully staff (there was a problem at the hospital I worked for with older nurses bullying younger nurses). My boss saw my research and freaked out, thinking it was about her. She checked my HR files for my address then stalked my house on weekends. She found out I was taking prescription medications, and went around telling the whole office that I was “on drugs” – implying I was a drug addict…  I could go on for days.

After I confronted her (in private – she didn’t get the thrill of any attention), I stopped talking to her unless directly spoken to, and then only minimal. It drove her nuts – but I was so tired of every bit of info she had on me being turned around to make me look bad – the less info she had the better. I suggest you do the same with Future Sister-In-Law – although she sounds like the type who’d make up lies about you if there was no real gossip

Post # 52
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

mishybear :  Not Canadian, but the woman was from Michigan and spoke some French, so maybe they’re related. D:

bluecutie00 :  Yeah, my co-worker was always super nosy as well. She actually looked at people’s punch-out time cards (I swear my office is trapped in the 60s) and went off on me once because she thought I came in an hour early and was going to get her and everybody in our office in trouble… that dummy didn’t even look to see that they had moved the clock for daylight savings, so her time was also an hour extra. I called her out on it and told her off for being a “nosy old bitty”. I have so many awful stories about that loony tune.

Post # 53
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I too have a relative with NPD. I don’t want her at my wedding, So has at least 2 family members with mental disorders I wouldn’t want there either. I would be totally happy eloping, So wants a huge party. The smaller the wedding, the less likely you’ll be able to ignore and distance yourself from her on that day. I’ve definitely thought about destination small wedding to avoid exactly your problem.

Post # 54
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

Is it wrong of me that I read your story and all of the comments relating to it and thought, “thank god I don’t have to deal with this craziness from my future inlaws.”

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I am a very chill person, and I would not be able to deal with any of that. You seem very mature and I think that probably is why your Future Sister-In-Law does not like you. It’s because you won’t put up with any of her shit.

That sucks that you changed your wedding plans because of her. Why couldn’t you just have the wedding and not invite her? After everything she did, she doesn’t derserve to go, let alone be in your life. People like that are toxic, and you shouldn’t have to put up with them just because they’re considered “family.”

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