(Closed) Rant…Poll…Advice…Long but idk what to do…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do I push him to save the money?
    Not at all : (24 votes)
    45 %
    Only small hints to remind him : (7 votes)
    13 %
    Tell him how you feel : (20 votes)
    38 %
    other : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    He hasn’t forgotten. You need to relax and forget about it. Pushing the guy and writting him notes that you have started the wedding planning isn’t the way to go, if anything it’s going to do the opposite. Guys want things to be a surprise, the more you talk about it the more he’s going to make you wait.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I voted to talk to him about it. I think if you are stressing on this and worrying, he will be getting a weird vibe from you. So just be honest with him.

    Post # 6
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My advice would be to relax. Waiting can be hard, I know as I’m going through it right now. If I were you I wouldn’t make a big deal of having a conversation about it, but subtle hints might be helpful. Key word subtle, which I’ve found is hard to do. I’ll mention a little something, he’ll not pick up on it, and then I’ll go off on a rant about it haha. Pro tip- avoid that!

    An engagement is something that’s not easily forgotten, so you should give your guy some credit!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1430 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I voted to tell him how you feel. You say you have an open relationship with honest communication, so communicate to him how you feel. I know, I for one am not good at keeping my mouth shut. When something bothers me it comes out in one of two ways. 1) I attempt to calmly talk it out (sometimes I can get a little overdramatic, I’ll admit, haha). Or 2) I turn into b*tch mode and am extremely mean from holding in my emotions. Option 1 always works the best.

    Post # 9
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Confused by one of your comments…I’m not sure I understand what “moral” reasons would compel you to push for engagement/marriage?? If the man you want to marry is so forgetful he could forget an engagement, you might want to reconsider the whole thing LOL. Waiting is hard – I’ve been there. I finally got kind of angry after we’d had many conversations about marriage and nothing seemed to be coming of it. We’d lived together and yet he never seemed to get to the asking part. I’m not good when I’m angry so I told him that I needed to know where he was going with the relationship. He had someone who owed him $3,000 as a loan repayment. When he got it, I told him that if he wasn’t interested in using that money towards a ring I’d be rethinking where I stood. It wasn’t a threat but when we first got together, I was getting out of a very long bad marriage and all he talked about was finally wanting the “whole picture” and he worried I’d never want to get married again. 2.5 years later, I decided that I wasn’t sure I could stay with him if he was now no longer interested in the “whole package”. When I explained this to him, a little light bulb went off and suddenly we were all about getting a ring. We bought a loose sapphire center stone, collected 10 small loose diamonds from other jewelry, bought 5 new small sapphires, found some old gold and sent it all off to a jewelry designer I found online. We designed the ring together and on our 3rd anniversary of our first date, he proposed. My advice to you: you’ve said what you want, showed him pictures and discussed actual wedding plans, but he hasn’t asked. My guy wouldn’t ask before he had a ring to give me. Perhaps you could set a private, personal time frame that you can stand to wait until it makes you hurt & angry. Don’t talk about any more plans! You truly have nothing definitive to plan for until you are engaged. If you get to your deadline and still have nothing from him, tell him perhaps you both need to take a time to decide what your goals are for the relationship because you’re not on the same page any more. It will be the truth, and may prompt him to make a real decision. Don’t make excuses for him. No one forgets to get engaged. He has to show some effort here otherwise you’ll always wonder if you just got engaged because you pushed. Good luck!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I say tell him how you feel. I wouldn’t discuss plans until you have a ring, but definitely tell him how you’re feeling.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5199 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    If a man wants to marry you, he is not going to forget. It does not matter how forgetful he is, he is not going to forget “oh, I want to marry this woman!”.

    Do not give him pictures of more rings! 15 pages was more than enough. And stop planning your wedding before you are actually engaged!

    If you truly have an open and honest relationship where you talk about everything, I am not sure why you are tiptoeing or avoiding talking about it. There are ways to talk that do not involve pressuring your partner, but I also think your impatience is going to work against you if you do not take a deep breath and let things unfold in their time.

    Post # 12
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I had to wait 7 years for a proposal! But I don’t regret waiting. I am glad I didn’t push him into anything.

    On the other hand, my sister-in-law pushed for her ring, and regrets it. She constantly wonders if he actually WANTED to get married when they did… or if he just felt pressured to do so.

    2.5 years isn’t too long. If it’s coming sooner than you think, I would stop bugging cuz you might be ruining a wonderful surprise! 🙂 

    EDIT: Please, don’t print out any more pictures! LOL you will scare him away! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @jema:  I waited 7 years as well. It was SOOOO worth the wait. And knowing that he did it all without me pushing him was the best thing.

    I second the ring picture comment.

    Post # 14
    Member
    124 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    The engagement is one thing where the man feels like he has all the control, because lets be honest once the wedding plans start, he has less to do with it. (That’s coming from my fiance) If you keep asking him or remindind him he’s going to wait longer because he probably wants it to be a surprise. Take a step back, breath, and give him a month to do his thing,  if he hasn’t after a month or so then maybe mention it again, but not in a forceful manor.

    Post # 15
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @MrsMSmith:  Agreed. I let my fiance pick my ring out! All I said was that I didn’t want a solitaire… and the rest was up to him! It was so much better to see what he picked for me… it was better than anything I could have picked for myself! 🙂 I guess he truly does know me better than I know myself 😉 

    Post # 16
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I wouldn’t mention it.You already have.He knows where you stand.I am a plain Jane and have been married before.I could care less about the ring on my finger.None of that really matters.. I want a good husband that is ready for marriage.Give him time to work out the details.Everything will fall into place.

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