(Closed) Rated XXXX bachelorette party ?

posted 4 years ago in Traditions
Post # 16
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

Totally inappropriate and disgusting for a bride-to-be. My opinion is the same as if this were a bachelor party. Anybody who needs this kind of thing or engages in it is not ready to get married. You’ve had plenty of time for this type of behavior before getting married. There is nothing ‘normal’ about having a sex party days or weeks before your wedding, no matter how ‘common’ this practice may be. The bride could have walked away or stopped it somehow if she wanted to. Did she ask for a stripper or was this a surprise?

Good for you for leaving! That takes a lot of will power to do as most people would just awkwardly give into the peer pressure and stick it out. 

There was another thread similar to this a few weeks ago, except it was about a bachelor party that got out of control. This stuff actually happens it seems.

Post # 17
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Stay out of it. You don’t know anything about what is or isn’t considered “appropriate” within the context of your friend’s relationship. You felt uncomfortable and so you left. I would avoid rushing to judgment about how her fiancé would react, just steer clear of the topic going forward. 

Post # 19
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee

full disclosure: i’ve never been to a bachelorette or a strip club. i have no idea what is normal, so i can’t speak to that. and i dont know the bounds of your friend’s relationship with her fiance, so i wont judge her fidelity.

 

i’m just here to say that even if my fiance was comfortable with a stripper doing that to me, i still wouldn’t want pictures being taken…so the aunt requesting it not be documented doesn’t add to the sketchy vibe to me. in your place i would have left as well. no judgement on what other people enjoy, no judgement of sex workers, its just not a situation i would want to be in. its not my scene, and i would expect my friends to understand my decision to peace out.

 

Post # 20
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  not super sure what post you’re reading, but I don’t remember saying it’s only bad if she’s a woman or that it’s okay to cheat on her spouse. I agree with you about those things and I’m glad you feel strongly enough about those values to stick up for them.

What I was saying is that some people (men and women) can freeze up with unwanted sexual attention, and that the whole post made me feel sick. I have no clue what was in this bride’s head (the whole thing sounds horrible) but I DO feel strongly enough to stand up for those who did freeze up during an unwanted sexual experience and say I don’t think it’s their fault.

While the bride that OP is talking about probably isn’t reading this, someone who has frozen during an unwelcome sexual experience might be, and I feel it’s important to treat those people with kindness and care. For me, that means pointing out that we don’t know 100% of this story. 

Post # 21
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

View original reply
khopenyc :  

Is the guy still going to marry her?

Were the women there in marriages or relationships? The guys should know what happened, if they choose to stay with the ladies than they should be given the chance to do it with their eyes wide open. I’d dump my fiancé or girlfriend and I’d probably divorce my wife over this. That’s how serious it would be to me. I’d be furious people had been hiding the truth from me by not telling me.

Post # 23
Member
9791 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah I wouldn’t do this as the bride but I guess we don’t know what type of relationship or agreements she has with her Fiance, do we?  For all we know she told him a personal stripper was coming or they have an open relationship.  She still wouldn’t want any videos or photos of it since I doubt she wants that plastered all over social media.  Anyway, if it’s not your thing then you leave. I probably wouldn’t have left but def wouldn’t have participated in any way.  I don’t see any point in making judgements on her fidelity unless you know their relationship rules and limits in detail.

Post # 24
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee

The only time I’ve ever seen a male stripper (also a bachelorette party) it was similar to what you’re describing.  It grosses me out personally.  Others like it.  Thinking of an aunt in the room makes me want to barf.

Post # 26
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

There’s no harm in telling your friend “That was really unexpected and made me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t have had the guts to say No to the sex worker if he came onto me, so I just left. Hope you understand” 

That is not normal!! Yes to all the PPs saying people freeze up when they’re in a very uncomfortable/assualt situation. I really really hope your friend knew what she was in for… 

Post # 27
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee

Oh HELLZ no!! 

My DH would have dumped me if I allowed that. 

Post # 28
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
glitterati :  Yes, thank you for saying this. Between posts about strippers and porn, I have never seen so many non-involved people making judgements about the appropriate-ness of someone ELSE’S turn on or sex habits. 

OP: dont worry yourself trying to judge “normal”. I’m hoping your post is really about deciding how YOU should feel, not about how acceptable her actions were. I think if you are “out of it,” there’s no need to decide whether she is normal and you are wrong or if a bunch of posts calling her shameful and not ready for marriage validates your judgement of her stripper-love.  Worry about making sure she knows your friendship is unaffected.  That leaving was caring for your own needs and had nothing to do with judging her. Reassure her. I would feel judged in her shoes unless we talked. Her kinks including a cock bandana has not a damn thing to do with you or your friendship.

Post # 29
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
sweetaslemons :  Yes OP, definitely reassure her…that she acted like a total whore. I totally get why you were uncomfortable and I would’ve left too.

Post # 30
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
burntorangeskies :  😂 I agree!

OP, it must have been awful being put in such an uncomfortable and awkward position. I would have left as well.

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