Post # 1
I know this topic is totally disturbing, but it came up last night with my FI and I. He tried to avoid the subject saying it’s not going to happen, but I’m just being realistic.
Would you want your hubby to re-marry if you passed away? I haven’t come to my own conclusion yet, but I’m curious to hear what other Bees feel about this topic.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
Of course, especially if I died young. I’d never want him to spend the rest of his life alone.
Post # 4
We have had this conversation and I told him I would want him to but he says he never would. As for me, I don’t know. I feel like it would be hard to meet someone else that I have the same connection with. At the same time being alone without FI sounds awful too.
Post # 5
We’ve had this talk too. We both said we probably would, and would want the other to do so too. I wouldn’t want him to be alone, and he feels the same. At the same time, I feel like it’s a topic that is almost pointless to talk about because whoever dies has no opinion on the subject anyway…. it’s so depressing to me.
I did tell BF that if I die, he should go see if a few girls we went to college with are still single haha… I said they are the only girls that I would trust to take care of him if I wasn’t around! 🙂
Post # 6
We’ve also had this discussion. I told FI that if I passed, I would want him to keep going and if he found someone that he wanted to be with along the way, that I would want him to go for it.
If HE passed is another matter altogether! I don’t think I would ever in a million years find someone as awesome as he is.
Post # 8
If it will make him happy, of course!!!
Post # 9
Yes, especially if we had children.
Post # 10
We haven’t had this talk but I would DEFINITELY want him to marry someone else. Ultimately above all else I want him to be happy. If another person can do that for him when I can’t? Absolutely.
Post # 11
Absolutely! I mentioned this to him last year just once and it was quick. I told him I would want him to be happy and not be alone. He didn’t want to discuss it because it was such a horrible thought..but I know he would say the same to me too. Everybody deserves to be happy and with somebody. 🙂
Post # 12
Yes. I think it would be selfish of me to say I wanted him to stay single for the rest of his life, especially if I passed young.
I know of a couple who are friends of my grandparents. The husband and wife were each married to different people when they were younger and the couples were great friends. Time passed on and one spouse from each couple passed away leaving behind their widows. And guess what, the widows decided to marry!
It wasn’t about finding love again, persay, but they finding someone to go through life with and to bring comfort to one another. They are one of the happiest couples I have ever seen, full of respect for one another.
Post # 13
I’d say ok, but dang it, he’d have to have a gorgeous portrait of me hanging above the fireplace. And she’d have to deal with it!
Post # 14
This is a really interesting post. I would 100% want him to re-marry. My mom died when I was little and my dad never remarried. He’s mentioned before that he loved my mama so much he couldn’t think of looking at another girl. I do feel like he missed out on a lot of love in his life. I get sad sometimes thinking about how lonely he must be and I wish he had someone else in his life. I wouldn’t want FH to have the same sadness.
Post # 15
I’m older than most of you, and when I was diagnosed with cancer, my husband and I discussed this topic. I told him that if I should die, he should find someone to spend the rest of his life with. I even suggested a few amazing women I know that would be a good choice. My greatest concern was for my kids. I would want someone who would support them as equals with their own children.
I had a friend who lost her husband after three years of marriage. There were no children and she completely fell apart. What followed his death was really bad relationship choices. She married a total bozo and divorced and has never remarried. I have always had “a plan” just in case. I didn’t want to be caught so totally off-guard that I lost myself.
I think this is a great topic and may make a potential tragedy a little easier to handle. Openness is critical to healing.
bellenga I love your comment about hanging your gorgeous portrait above the fireplace! You may want to add wallet-sized copies to drawers all over the house!
Post # 16
I completely agree with Ms. Charleston Pearls. There are a lot widows in my family (odd, and I have to try really hard not to let myself be terrified of getting married because of it) – 2 have remarried and two have not. I just have to say that the ones who have remarried (including my mom), are thousands of times happier than the two who have not. My mom has always said that remarrying did not diminish the love or commitment she had with my dad, but that it honored their love because she knew that he wanted their daughters to have a dad and that he wanted her to be happy and live life to the fullest, regardless of what happened to him. The other two still wear their wedding rings, do not date, and have never really been through the grieving process (15 and 28 years later…). They are such unhappy, depressed women because they spend their whole lives waiting to die so they can “rejoin” their lost husbands.
I am not saying that death is not a horrific, painful experience, but I am saying that – after a certain amount of time – it’s really too bad that some people cannot realize how lucky they are to still be here.