Post # 1
I mean, I know we need to keep going if we ever want to have a baby. But AF arrived today when means we are moving to month 10 of trying. I want nothing more than to be a mom. My husband will be an amazing dad. I see people all around us having babies by accident or within 1-2 months of trying and I just feel so defeated. I see people on the boards who are SO invested and I feel myself losing my optimism more and more each month. When we started I charted, did OPKs, googled everything. Now we just BD and hope it’ll happen but don’t put much thought into it. I used to be convinced every month that I was pregnant and now I don’t even want to test. I am so heartbroken. I feel guilty for not putting more into it but I just can’t stomach the disappointment each month. Blah.
Post # 2
I am so sorry, bee. I know how painful and devastating it can be to struggle to conceive as the whole world around you seems to be so effortlessly fertile and full of happy BFP announcements. Dh and I are on month 10 as well and it just plain sucks. I struggle every day with staying positive, and have ugly cried more times than I can remember about this whole experience. I’m not sure where you are in your process, but when we finally saw an RE and got diagnosed with MFI we were disappointed but also felt like we finally had some answers to our struggle and could build a path forward. I don’t have much to offer in terms of success stories as we are still struggling with ttc but I just want you to know that you are not alone! Hugs to you
Post # 3
goldenbrown : thanks for your message. I was waiting until the 12 month mark to go in for testing but think I might cave and see if they will start.
I think “numb” is a good word to describe the process right now. I feel like we are just going through the motions.
Post # 4
Darling Husband and I are at 11 months TTC. I’m going to the doctor next month. I get SO devastated every month when my period comes. I have no advice, but wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.
Post # 5
BeepBopB00p : Numb; I completely relate to this. But you’ve got to find some way to keep joy/passion/whatever you want to call it otherwise it’s easy to spiral downward. I know, as I struggle with this seemingly every day. As soon as I feel a bit more positive about things, a stray comment from a relative or another friend’s announcement will knock me back down again. It’s hard but you have to keep yourself afloat. For me it was focusing on my and dh’s health after we got our diagnosis and getting into the best physical shape possible by lifting weights. That’s been a godsend stress reliever. Whatever can provide a stress reliever for you and dh (or just you alone) find it and pursue it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 29th, 2016
BeepBopB00p : Don’t wait, go to your doctor now. I knew deep down that something was wrong after 5 months, and testing revealed that we had a male factor issue that will likely never allow us to conceive naturally. ICSI/IVF is what we are now pursuing. I would have kicked myself if I waited longer, like my husband wanted to. There’s so much waiting if you do happen to need infertility treatment, from getting in for that first consultation appointment to the barrage of testing and any procedures that may need to be done before you can actually get the IVF process started. You’re close enough to the year mark and if you’re worried about being turned away then say you started trying 2 months sooner. My gyno didn’t think twice about sending me for blood work and my husband for a semen analysis at 6 (in reality 5) months.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - Kaneohe, Hawaii
Just over a year and a half for hubby and I. It sucked for the first year, I had to unfollow so many people on social media. I was jealous and it hurt. Lots of tears cried, money spent on HPTs etc and things I didn’t do like plan trips or drink, cos you know, just in case I was pregnant. Like yourself, I want nothing more to be a mom. Nowadays, it’s not as bad especially since I’ve focused my energy on other things like being healthier! I also started getting checked at the 3 or 4 month mark. I lied and said we’ve been trying for a year. Especially since hubby and I are healthy, eat clean for the most part, take meds, don’t smoke, barely drink. So, odd that I wasn’t getting pregnant. Was also tracking my ovulation and we were doing it at all the right times. We are unexplained infertility right now. I guess my advice is take up a new hobby, go on a trip, focus all your energy into something else. Good luck!
Post # 8
BeepBopB00p : We have been trying for 2 years and I’m right there with you. I stopped testing around 10months in, it was just causing me so much anxiety and the disappointment of only seeing one line month after month was horrible to deal with.
I don’t really have any advice, this journey is really hard. The thing that has helped me lately is taking a step back from TTC a little bit, because after our failed IVF cycle I was a complete mess. I don’t google symptoms, I don’t test, I’m not as active in POAS threads anymore…
I started busying myself with anything that took my mind off TTC/Infertility and I find it does help. Being immersed in TTC so heavily was not helping my mental health at all. I also deativated my facebook account and I find that is helping as well. It’s really difficult to watch people get something you want with ease (especially when they take it for granted and make stupid comments like “just relax!!”), while you struggle and wonder if it will ever be you making a pregnancy annoucement like everyone else. It’s not a nice place to be, I hope you get your BFP soon.
Post # 9
BeepBopB00p : I mean, I know we need to keep going if we ever want to have a baby.
Pretty much this. You can’t stop time, you can’t do anything differently to change the past, you can’t control future outcomes. You just trudge ahead one day at a time…. and yes, at some point, numb is definitely an accurate description. We went for 3.5 years until we finally saw a positive test, just to lose it at 9 weeks. It wasn’t for another 6 months that we got a positive again.. and lost that at 5.5 weeks. I was so beat at that point that, I just went on with life like ‘normal’. I miscarried overnight, I went to work the next day while it was finishing. I was so defeated, but what could I do? Curl up in bed and cry? What would that accomplish? And so we carried on, cause you have to.. cause you can’t stop time, cause you have to if you want that child. Finally 6 years to the month we started trying, my son was born. I honestly never thought it’d actually happen and had pretty much given up hope and just trying for the sake of trying… but I guess miracles do happen.
Post # 10
BeepBopB00p : Oh bee I am so sorry this is so very hard. It took my Darling Husband and I 14 cycles to conceive (am currently 9w4d with our 1st). After about 6 months I got worried and went to my doctor and she did some routine blood tests and found I was subclinical hypothyroid. This is not an issue unless you are TTC. I was put on medication and it took a few months for my TSH levels to regulate as we had to adjust my dose a couple of times. At the 1 year mark my Darling Husband went for a sperm analysis and I did further testing on my fertility. Both of our numbers came back normal. I am also overweight and dropped 30lbs which I also think helped us conceive. However had I not gone to the doctor I may not have known about my thyroid issues. We also kept up with OPKs and temping throughout. I know it’s so hard to approach that 1 year mark, I had a girlfriend (unaware of our fertility issues) say stuff like “oh we were trying 4 months when I got pregnant, I was getting really worried”, luckily she couldn’t see how hard my eyes likely rolled into the back of my head. I definitely recommend seeing your doctor for some routine tests and then further testing on your CD3 and CD28, and for your Darling Husband to go for a sperm analysis. Best of luck bee <3
Post # 11
BeepBopB00p : how do you keep going? You decide if you want to keep “actively trying” or “passively trying”, whichever is better for your mental health. I’m on cycle 21-22 and I’ve watched a lot of people have babies and I’ve seen people start TTC after me have babies. It sucks and it’s totally not fair. We continue to actively try though – charting to confirm o, opk, and vitamins/supplements and fertility acupuncture. I cope by knowing there is nothing I’m not doing. That works for me, but everyone is different.
op you are almost at a year (aka infertility diagnosis time) so you should plan to see an RE.
People reading this who are TTC (under 35 y), there’s no need to jump the gun and get tested at 6-7 months TTC – you are just taking up spaces from people who have been trying longer and if you have been TTC < 1 year (without embellishing) most doctors wont run diagnostics or try meds until you hit that 1 year mark.
Post # 12
I know how you feel. Sex became a chore for us. I tracked by temping and opks for 3 years. I did get relaxed a bit once I was able to recognize the signs without tracking.
I wish you luck! I know how hard it is.
Post # 13
BeepBopB00p : like someone else said, numb is a great way to describe this journey sometimes. It’s scary, not fair, and so so hard. My husband and I are on month….gosh I don’t know 15 I think? I’ve lost count unless I look at my POAS rollcall. Lol. We have azoospermia/MFI along with PCOS and a bicornuate uterus. We were recommended to see an RE after 8 months by my OBGYN and got seen at 9 months. I don’t regret going earlier than 12 months at all. We found out so much in the first few months, although a lot of it was sad and difficult news (aka no sperm). We had a failed first IUI with donor sperm last cycle and our second IUI is scheduled for Wednesday morning. I would encourage at least getting an appt made with a specialist. Sometimes it takes a bit to get into their clinic.
Post # 14
I know it sucks. It took us about 11 months, and it can make you feel defeated month after month. I echo others who say to reach out to a doctor now to get referred to an RE. Why? Because all of the front end stuff takes time. It took me about a month to get an appointment with the RE, and then after that there were a series of tests and exams that had to take place on a certain day of my cycle. I had a death in my family so wound up having to delay even further because I couldn’t do the exams on the appropriate cycle day. Best of luck to you.
Post # 15
It took us 15 months to get our son, so i totally understand feeling scared, panicked, and eventually numb to it.
I found that it helped me to take months “off” (so really just not charting, etc), and to plan things that i could look forward to that had nothing to do with kids. I took a course, redecorated our guest room, etc. I also unfollowed a LOT of people on social media.
I also saw a counselor who specialized in infertility. My husband and i went together, and i did individual sessions too. She gave me some great coping techniques, and i actually still keep in touch with her years later.
But if im being honest, it still hurt. And i still cried. And i was still devastated every time af showed. It’s a shitty, unfair thing, and i hate to say this because it would be awesome if there was an easy fix, but unfortunately for all of us, the only fix seems to be getting pregnant.
Definitely go see a dr if you feel ready…but if you don’t, that’s totally ok. It’s just hard, and shitty, and you have to just try to cope in the way that feels right. Xo