(Closed) Ready for marriage: how did you know?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I actually never thought I would be married.  I thought for sure I was the long-term commitment without an actual ceremony type.  I guess I knew I was ready for that kind of commitment about 2 years in.  At that point, I realized that because marriage was so important to my husband, it started to change my mind about what was important to me.  🙂  So my "Aha!" moment was really when I realized how much his feelings and desires affected my own feelings and desires.  We got engaged about 1.5 years later, and married 1 year after that.  And what I once thought I would hate (marriage), I actually really enjoy!

Post # 4
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i didn’t make the decision in one big fell swoop when he asked me – i made it over the course of our relationship. for the 17 mos we dated, i constantly asked myself – does he make me happy? does he have the qualities that are important? can he compromise? how does he deal with conflict? am i atttracted to him? etc.

by the time he asked i already knew he was the kind of person i would marry – if not I would ended things when i realized he wasn’t.

i think the only thing that could make me less sure is if i hadn’t thought things through initially (e.g., the how does he handle conflict question) and it came to light in a way that made me concerned.

i do have a friend for whom that happened. she dated her FH for over a year BUT they spent very little time together. her parents raised all these concerns about him and the relationship after they got engaged and now that she’s been thinking about it she shares some of those concerns. yikes!

Post # 5
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’d been with my FH for 3 years and had moved about 700 miles away from home to be with him before he proposed.  I’ve always known he was the one I would marry, it just took some time for him to believe it too.  We’ve lived together for 2 1/2 years and the day before our wedding will be our 4 year anniversary, so we know each other very well and know what we’re getting into.  Marriage is very important to both of us, but we know that it’s not always easy or pleasant, that it will take constant work and compromise but we also know what we want and it’s each other so we will do what it takes to make it last! 

Post # 6
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

All of my previous relationships lasted an average of 6 months. But with my fiance, I knew 2 or 3 months in that I was in it for the long haul. We discussed marriage 5 months in and got engaged officially after we were together a year. And I am just as sure now as I was then that this is the person I want to make a lifetime commitment with. I don’t know if he’s my soul mate, but I know I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else.

Post # 7
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

i knew 3 months into dating my Fiance i wanted to marry him.  if he asked me at 3 months i still would have said yes.  we just work really well together and we still both get butterflies when we haven’t seen each other all day.  i didn’t have to think twice about it.

Post # 8
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I met my Fiance at a retreat and didn’t think anything of it, but one sunny day I saw him outside our univeristy Student Center and we have been inseperable ever since (2.5 years).

We both knew wanted marriage before we had dated for 2 months. I think it was the fact that I could see myself being happy with him in 2 years and in 50 years.

Post # 9
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m not quite ready. He asked and I said yes, but we haven’t told many people and consider it "unofficial" at this point.  He would marry me tomorrow if I told him I was ready, but that’s just not the case. I know we’re both happy being together whether we’re married or not, so for right now, we’re just together and happy.  We’re moving in together in a couple of months and looking forward to it.  And well, we’ll see what happens with my readiness for marriage.  Fiance is several years older than I am, which probably plays in a role is his being more ready.

Post # 10
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I totally agree with Ash!  Also, sounds so simple, but do you enjoy spending time with this person?  If you’re not ready when he asks, just push out the date (or don’t set one at all) until you know for sure.

Ha, but what do I know?  After a few bottles of wine on our first we jokingly decided we were getting married. 

Post # 11
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I never really thought much about marriage. I figured it may happen but I was content with single life. That changed when I met Mr. Stormy. I have no idea where I heard it from but one saying really rang true for me. The general gist of it is ‘love is when you wake up next to someone suddenly knowing why it could have never worked out with anyone else’. That’s when I realized I was ready for it. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

=) Wow. Deep.

I…don’t really have an answer. I guess I just…know. He makes me laugh when I’m mad and want to cry, and he’s everything I could ever wish for in a partner.

Post # 13
Member
32 posts
Newbee

Well, I’m still enjoying being together with him and NOT being married quite yet, but this is how I knew he was the one: 

My plan before him?

Get my career squared away, find someone I could tolerate when I was old enough to get married, get an airtight prenup, have kids, and do things mostly my way.  I honestly didn’t think (at 23) that I was going to find anyone I was truly in love with.  Maybe a good partner, yes, but I was pretty cynical about "the one".

My plan after meeting him at 24:

It’s cliche, but when you know, you know.  I knew on our first date that if I gave up this opportunity for anything else I would’ve regretted it always.  4 months later we were talking marriage.  When we marry, it will absolutely be to each other, but neither of us are in a rush.

Post # 14
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

We’ve been together seven years now- we considered engagement two years ago, but I had some rules: I wanted to be out of college first and established in my Dad’s company, I wanted small things taken care of (the house re-decorated, new car for him, etc.) and decent amount of $ in savings. After we accomplished all of those goals (within a year or so), I started freaking out about the stress of a wedding and the attention it would put on us. That added another year onto the delay- I panicked every time I thought about it, every time he brought engagement up again. And like all major decisions and me, one day it just hit me like a brick, that wow ok I’m completely cool with this now! feeling. He’s been fine and relaxed with it since day one, of course, it was just me spazzing out about the wedding itself, not the marrying-him part- never had any doubts about that! People have told us from day one that we behave like a happy old married couple, and it’s true- he’s my best friend and I his, and we just wouldn’t be happy without each other. We’ve lived together for 6 years now, so we’re basically already married

Post # 15
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

I was a commitment-phobe! I was a serial dater ever since I hit puberty, and with each relationship, I ran away from the other person every chance I got. I also conveniently placed myself in long distance relationships! So when I realized that I would give up certain things in my life to be with Mr. Tiny, that’s when I knew that he was the one for me and that I wanted to get married to him. 

Post # 16
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

For me it took seven years of dating and six years of living together to decide I was ready to marry FH.  We’d talked about it in the past but I wasn’t keen and my commitment phobia was a running joke at work.

Anyways early 2010 we started talking kids and after three or four months of thinking about and getting my head round it, I decided that Yip, I did want kids with this guy and so for me that meant getting married. 

So long story short, one Wednesday afternoon on the way home from work I proposed 🙂  It may have taken me seven long years but I’m comfortable with my decision and happy that this is the direction my life is taking – and that we’re heading there together.

I think sometimes being ready is about accepting your future and being comfortable with what you might be giving up in terms of career, freedom, finances or independence (I hope that comes across as intended – I don’t mean that you have to settle for less, just that sometimes it’s about appreciating what you have).

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