Post # 1
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
My husband and I are starting TTC in June after pushing the date back from last summer when I panicked and decided I wasn’t ready. Then all year I was so ready. I had major baby fever and couldn’t wait for the TTC date to come around again ( being a bridesmaid in a wedding this fall prevented me from wanting to try before June) but now that the date is almost here I am getting cold feet again! I want a baby and think we are ready but then I have these moments of panic for my freedom, my body, and my youth.
It’s kind of funny actually because I very rarely drink or go out or party at all..but the option is there, and that is what I am afraid to lose. I feel like I will never be youthful or attractive again (speaking purely from my insecure panicked state, I know that this is not necessarily the truth).
I had planned to take out my belly button ring at the same time I went off birth control, that was the beginning of January and it didn’t happen. I know many people keep theirs through pregnancy but I dont want to. To me I have always had in my mind that I would let that go when the time came for TTC. So ok then I said I would take it out when I started prenatal vitamins in March..that didnt happen. I don’t even caaare about the actual belly button ring, it’s just like this weird mental symbol of my youth that I can’t bring myself to part with. In my crazy mind I feel that by taking out my belly button ring I am saying goodbye to my youth once and for all and I just can’t bring myself to do it.
Did you ladies experience this? if so how did you get passed it? Did you put it off until these feelings stopped, or will they never stop and you just need to go for it anyways?
Post # 2
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I think what you’re feeling is normal. It’s a huge life change! I got over it by getting pregnant, albeit accidentally. Personally I never would have been able to say ok I’m ready let’s try this month. I stopped BC in anticipation of TTC in the fall. We used POM and the one time Darling Husband didn’t pull out in June I got pregnant. It was the best way for it to happen to me. I was actually nervous to POAS because I felt i would be sad if it was negative. That’s when I knew I was more ready than I thought. I still freaked out all through pregnancy and even after baby arrived. She’s 7 weeks now and I could not imagine life without her. As someone that didn’t feel maternal st all and could have probably been fine never having kids, I love being a mom More than I ever thought I would! I’m ready for number 2 already! I think it’s always going to be a leap of faith and if you put it off until those feelings stop you would never do it.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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Post # 3
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I can totally relate! I wasn’t too sure about kids and am still not thrilled at the prospect of pregnancy and delivery. But I’m refusing to grow up and take out my tongue stud! I’m actually a pretty boring and respectable lady who’s 31 and works as a medical professional at a large children’s hospital, but I love my tongue stud. Although a belly button piercing is a little different since the belly stretches so much with pregnancy. Honestly, if you don’t want to give it up, don’t! But don’t give into the cold feet. Big changes are always hard, but that just means they’re important.
Post # 4
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
MapleCreekBride: I relate so much to what you’re saying. Darling Husband and I aren’t quite where you are in terms of TTC. I am recovering from some health issues and I need to wait until I get the all-clear from my doctor before it’s safe for me to become pregnant. If everything goes well, that should be sometime in the next 3-4 months. Darling Husband just got a great job, so we’re facing fewer and fewer reasons to put off TTC, haha.
I have the same fears you do, and it’s mostly about my youth. I’m 28 and Darling Husband is almost 26, and part of me feels like becoming a mother will mean that I cross the boundary to “old”, even thought I know, deep down, that’s not true. There are so many mothers out there (some with 2 or more kids already) who look amazing, are stylish, and seem to be in touch with social media and pop culture. A lot of them have blogs, and when I feel particularly nervous about becoming a mom myself, I look at their blogs and it comforts me. Life doesn’t end when you have kids. It’s different, and most people I talk to tell me it’s more than worth it.
Long story short, I think your feelings are 100% normal, and they are a GOOD sign, because it means you’re thinking and not entering this phase mindlessly!
Post # 5
Member
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Ugh I feel you on that one. I almost wish we’d just have an “oops” pregnancy so I wouldn’t have to think about it so much. We’re mostly homebodies, have 3 of our 4 parents nearby, decent savings, etc., but I still debate it over and over. What if my belly is hideous afterwards? Or the dreaded vaganus? What if our baby is horribly fussy and doesn’t sleep? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Post # 6
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
MrsWBS: So kind of like jumping off the dock at the lake rather than slowly wading in to get use to the cold! Thank you, that really makes me feel better because I want kids but at the same time the panic and fear makes me think I would be perfectly fine never having one!
JenGirl: Thanks for the pep talk! That is exactly what I was hoping for! People to tell me that those are normal feelings but not to give in! I couldn’t bare hurting my husband by telling him I wasn’t ready again so I am so happy to hear you tell me I need to suck it up and go for it!..still scared though haha
Post # 7
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
MapleCreekBride: Also, if it helps, I’ve decided to get a tattoo, and I don’t care if it’s considered inappropriate or immature. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, and it will have deep meaning for me. I see moms all the time with “young” things like tattoos and belly button rings. I’m curious – would you need to part with your belly button ring permanently?
Post # 8
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
LadyJDAG: That is so true…nothing says that because I have a baby I will lose myself right, I can still be fun and stylish and silly if I want to. I am 24 (25 in July) and husband is 33. Thanks for your imput and I am so happy to hear that I am not a totally shallow and selfish person for having these fears!
Westwood: hahaha vaganus. God I hope not! but yes these are the crazy ideas that have me terrified!
Post # 9
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
MapleCreekBride: I feel the exact same way as you do but we havn’t even begun to think about when we will TTC. I know I’m not getting any younger so it will have to happen within the next few years (I’m 31) but I dont even know if I want a kid yet at all! Uggh! So much to think about. If I did get pregnent though I’m keeping my belly button in! That thing has become a part of me I have had it so long so I’m keeping that shit in until I’m 80!
Post # 10
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
LadyJDAG: Yes I think I would. They actually make special belly button rings for maternity that allow for the stretch but I am not going to go that route..it’s like something I just need to do for myself..let go of my childhood once and for all and move on to a new chapter in my life..very frightening though and a little sad.
Post # 11
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
You’re on prenatal vitamins but you’re not pregnant yet? Is that a normal practice?
Also, I know how you feel. Back when I was single, I had baby fever so bad. Now that I’m married, baby fever is gone! Like, I’m happy with how life is going and don’t want things to change drastically yet.
Post # 12
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
MapleCreekBride: Ah, I understand. It’s more symbolic than anything else. I asked because I wasn’t sure if you felt like you “couldn’t” be a mom with a belly button ring, for physical and social reasons. I did something similar a while ago. After I got married, I stopped wearing more than one pair of earrings at a time (I have 2 holes in each ear), and it was simply because I wanted to leave it behind.
You are absolutely not coming across as shallow or selfish, don’t worry! And yes, I have no doubt that you will still be lots of fun (maybe even more fun!) after you become a mom. 🙂
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
LadyJDAG.
Post # 13
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
sweetchiquita12: hahaha good for you. I have just attached my youth to that as a symbol I guess because I have nothing else tangible to attach it to, otherwise it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest to take it out but now it is like tearing me apart because once its gone its gone forever…im so nuts haha its like losing my virginty all over again!
Post # 14
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
howtobeawife: Yes, doctors in my area generally recommend you take prenatal vitamins for at least three months before TTC. and yeah its funny how the baby fever can be rampant one day and just “poof” gone the next.
Post # 15
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
MapleCreekBride: I’m 26 and feel the exact same way. I’m most likely not having children because I’m too worried about it taking my freedom away. It’s selfish, but I just don’t want to let it go.
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