Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Hello everyone, a few months ago I caught my fiance cheating with several different women. I went thru his cell phone and found conversations with other women and even pictures. He was meeting up with women, having one night stands and 2 he works with. He was very apologetic when I found out, he said that he loved me and wanted to fight for our relationship. I reluclantly forgave him. We rented a house last year, (this is our first year leavig together) and our lease is up in September. ALthough I said I can move past it, Im actually thinking of moving into my own place when the lease is up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just dont know how to tell him. I need a break from him. I find myself crying, and even though its been months since it happened I cannot forgove him. at least not right now…or maybe I just dont want too. Im all over the place with my feelings, but when I look at him its not the same. Some days are better thatn others. I do love him, just not sure if we can continue this. Now when he tells me that he loves me, all I see is the other women he was with, and I remember everything he told them. How could he cheat on me like that?, look me in my face everyday and go behind my back and betray me to that magnitude. Im angry and hurt. He says and I quote “what do you need me to do to fix it” but I dont know if its even possible!!!!!!!!!! any advice would be appreiated thank you 🙂
Post # 2
Member
819 posts
Busy bee
My advice is to leave him, take care of yourself, and find someone better. In that order.
Post # 3
Member
10414 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I could *maybe* forgive one mistake (like one one-night stand). But what your Fiance did? Nope, I would have left month ago. There are plenty of men out there who wouldn’t cheat on you.
Post # 4
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
concordbee : +1. Get your own place asap. You deserve someone much better!
Post # 5
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
You aren’t that desperate to get married, are you?
You should be with someone who values, loves and respects you. Not this dirtbag horndog.
Post # 6
Member
4197 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
If you need a break, you just have to tell him that you need a break! It doesnt sound like you actaully forgave him, but it sounds like you tried to move past it which is all anyone can ask. Can you actaully forgive him? Do you think you can ever get to the point where you’ll be able to trust him and believe him? If you dont think so, you’re allowed to say so. If you need space and time, you need to take it. You dont have to coddle his feelings, he didnt coddle you when he was cheating on you… do whats best for you, and if being with this man is whats best for you, then do that. but if its not… do that! Think about yourself first here… you’re whats most important in this moment.
Post # 7
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Why in the world wouldn’t you?
Post # 8
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
Oh dear… you dont HAVE to forgive him…
Leave him and be happy, you’re better off without someone who cheats on you and with MULTIPLE women.
Post # 9
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
For me, the careful maintenance of several affairs including with women at work – at whatever stage of relationship, or level of commitment, or inconveniently entwined lives, or apologies, or excuses, he would have been dead to me. Straight away.
Post # 10
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
missy2 :
I am sorry…some relationships I just don’t think are worth fixing…this is one of them…he didn’t have a moment of bad judgement, he has bad character…unfortunately, that will never change…he may temporarily sideline his cheating, but once he settles back into the relationship and regains your confidence, he will revert back to his old ways…it may not be for a few years, but it will happen…
Post # 11
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Lady- with love and kindness. Trust is key in a relationship. He broke that with you several times over and both of you expect you to forgive him? Nope. He is not worth your time.
Get your own place and don’t feel guilty!
Post # 12
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
I agree with all pp, end it.
cheating is one of thing I will never and have never forgiven. No matter how it happened or how many times. No excuse in my book.
you deserve soooo much more
Post # 13
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th
missy2 : it sounds like you need to focus on yourself and find your own place. It’s so sad to be cheated on because he messed around and you are the one that suffers… It’s so hard to leave someone you love, a lot of us bees have been there. It’s hard but you will never regret protecting yourself first!! You deserve so much better!!
Hugs coming your way!
Post # 14
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
You should just leave him; I don’t feel that the trust can every fully be rebuilt. I think affairs are only ok if both people want an open relationship at some point.
Post # 15
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
missy2 : Check out
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com and especially the emotional 180 described here.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11
It’s a great method of rebuilding your self esteem after infidelity.
Get your own place, work on yourself and healing the hurt, then see if you want him in your life. I think you deserve far better than a man who chose to hurt and disrespect you.