(Closed) Ready to end my relationship but I don't think I'm strong enough to :(

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

raspberryswirl:  you have to leave. He’s already verbally abusing you and crossing the line to physical. You say you’re scared you wont meet anyone else but honestly no one is better than that POS. And you WILL meet a new guy but not if you continue to waste yourself on this asshole. You need to scram ASAP- find roomies if you can’t afford a studio- check craigslist for apts with bedrooms open sharing with other ladies. You HAVE to be bold and do this. Then take your time and heal and learn from this experience, how you ended up with him,  so you pick a better guy.

25 is young. Do you want to be writing this at 30? Or accidentally get knocked up and have to deal with this guy forever? What would you advise your BFF or sister to do if it was them? You need to dig deep and make it happen. Be bold- fear is not an excuse. You can’t give up on your life and happiness at 25, and if you do… Well then that’s on you. 

Post # 17
Member
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Please get out of that situation. And don’t worry about never finding anyone else – you’re only 25, there’s time, and you shouldn’t be wasting it on someone who doesn’t treat you with the respect and love you deserve.

Post # 18
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

please have a talk to your parents, they seem to be the only support system that you may have nearby.  having someone to help you through this will make it so much easier.

check out craiglist for roommates wanted.  even renting a room somewhere will be a good start.

you are still young and yes, you will find someone that will love you and respect you the way you should be.  trust me.

 

Post # 19
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You are strong enough to leave him!!!! You have to, before he does something to seriously hurt you – as it is he’s already emotionally abusive. You can leave him. Sleep on the couch at your parents, find a friend, anything. this is really not a safe place for you though, and he sounds like a really scary doucebag. Please PLEASE leave now! 

Post # 20
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

raspberryswirl:  

Hi.

Apologies for the judgment, but he he sounds like a complete POS.

Okay. That said, you ARE strong enough. I promise you. Every single one of us that has been through a break up promises you, you will get through this. It is SO, SO hard to believe it – and nigh on impossible to see it – when you are in the thick of it. But you will get through this and, in fact, come out on the other side so much stronger.

Think about this for one moment. THINK about how he is treating you. Is that how you want your BF/FI/DH to treat you for the rest of your life? Do you think you can get over the heartache of leaving THAT? Then you can get over leaving HIM.

I stayed with an abusive guy for 10 years – because I was afraid that no one would ever “love” me again. Notice how I put the word love in quotes? He wasn’t loving me. Not true, real love… The day he slammed my head into the kitchen cabinets because I was waffling on the color was the day I knew I needed to get out.

I was terrified to move out, terrified that he would do something crazy. So I enlisted a couple of friends, confided my fears – and suprisingly, there was no drama. We got my stuff and off we went. I was almost embarrassed that I had made such a big deal out of needing protection. But I was grateful for their support anyway.

Please don’t hold on because it’s comfortable, or easy, or because you think you will never ever meet anyone else. Close this door so the universe can open a window for you…

Feel free to PM me if you’d like. My heart is with you. 

 

 

 

Post # 21
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Listen to these voices!!! Talk to your parents, make an exit plan, and do it. If you have to take a sick day to pack up while he’s at work, do it. Leave the crap that isn’t essential and GO. Then block him completely.

Post # 22
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

raspberryswirl:  Just leave him.  He treats you like crap and calls you awful names.  Plus he treats you more like his maid than his partner.  None of this is going to get better or change, especially since on top of all of it he is abusing alcohol and lying about smoking weed.  I also cannot believe he almost got physical with you over a pair of socks, seriously?

Trust me, if you tell your friends and family what is going on (I know it’s embarassing but you need to do this) and ask them for a place to stay (even just a couch to crash on), they will figure something out to help you leave this guy.

As for never finding someone else.  Yes you will.  When I divorced my ex husband I worried if I would ever love or trust someone ever again.  6 months later I met my current husband and the difference between them was like night and day.  Oh, and I was 26 when I got divorced so at 25 you have an extra year on me!  Do it now before this guy does get physical, or worse, you end up accidentally pregnant and stuck with this guy teaching your child to be a dick just like him.

Post # 23
Member
353 posts
Helper bee

 

raspberryswirl:  Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this and be treated like that. You’d be so much better off being single than wasting anymore time with him. You should NEVER let a man treat you the way he does. Do you have any relatives in the area that could give you a place to stay until you’re back on your feet? This will be hard for you- after you leave him he will probably stalk and harass you but you need to be strong, you can do all of this WITHOUT him. If you have to get police involded- don’t hesitate. I’ve had to do it, and it really sucked but at the same time it made my ex stop. Once you find a different place to live, you need to take a full day off of work, when he wont be home and move ALL of your stuff out. I feel if he caught you doing it “secretivly” things would get really bad. You need to get out before it gets worse, ASAP get out. He obviously has no repsect for you, and if he’s abusing the drugs and alcohol I feel he’s not afraid to hurt you.

Post # 24
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

raspberryswirl:  I live in an apartment with thin walls and have heard my neighbour deal with a drunk moron who is for sure physically abusive (I’ve called the cops 3 times about it). There’s not much to say other than cut and run – you will absolutely never change this man, he doesn’t love (at least not in a way that he should), and he is going to start abusing you (physically – he already emotionally abuses you). You’re 25 – I know tons of girls who met their husbands after age 25. Wouldn’t you rather be alone and safe than with a dangerous piece of s***? Just go. Contact a women’s shelter if you need to, they have all the tools needed to get you on your feet once you leave.

Post # 26
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Your parents will find room for you in their house. No parent would turn down their kid who’s getting fucking hit by the person they live with. You need to talk to them and just leave now, all at once. Ask someone to help to help you move so you don’t have to be alone with him. Once that part is over you can work on getting on your own two feet, but deal with one thing at a time.

Post # 25
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

raspberryswirl:  I went through a very similar situation (the things he says to you are so, so familiar!) and it’s so scary.  I feel you.

But you HAVE TO LEAVE.  NOW.

I rented a closet sized room from a friend for a few months while I found my own apartment.

You can do this…don’t wait until he hurts you seriously or permanently.  The substance abuse is not something that you can fix (if you’re anything like me, you think he’ll stop for you eventually – he won’t) it’s something he has to fix on his own.  This will get worse before it gets better for him.  He will lose control sometime when he’s high or drunk and that’ll be it.

Please please PLEASE leave.

Post # 27
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

raspberryswirl:  Not sure how to edit my post to add: I did what other commentors have mentioned:  I called all my friends together one night after I knew he’d have left for work (after living out of my car for a week) and we got ALL of my stuff out in one haul.  Then I went to our apartment leasing office, told them the whole story, and they took me off the lease, no questions asked.  Absolute and total clean break.

It came to a head for me when I was at a friend’s birthday party one night, and I called to tell him I wasn’t staying the night with her after all and I’d be home in an hour.  He was drunk and on prescription meds and had a bunch of friends over – which all led to him screaming at me over the phone that if I came back that night (he was so angry I had “changed my story”) that his friends would hold me in the apartment while he raped me, stabbed me, and finally shot me.  He was much more graphic than that, but you get the point.  At this loud, college party, my friends could hear him through the cell phone, and that’s when I got the strength to leave.  Other people knew what was going on and I had support, and that was enough.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by  brew_bee.
Post # 28
Member
46 posts
Newbee

raspberryswirl:  I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Your instincts are right – you do not deserve to be treated this way and this behavior from him may be a sign of abuse escalating. It sounds like you know you want to get out at this point, but are having doubts that you have the strength to do so. I would really encourage you to reach out to your family if you have a good relationship with them and be honest with them about what is going on. They will make room for you in their home no matter what, and be a great support system for you. <br /><br />I noticed you said “who threatens domestic violence like that?” as if you are not experiencing it, only being threatened with it. In my work as an advocate for victims of domestic violence, if you were to come in and speak with me and describe what you have here, I would consider what you are already experiencing to be domestic violence. Many abusers never touch their victims – they imply physical harm by making threats and showing physical power (i.e. throwing your belongings). “If you push me too far you know I can hurt you” – sending this message keeps many victims in the relationship. In my experience, this kind of behavior will eventually escalate, and while substance abuse does not cause domestic violence, it can certainly speed up or intensify that escalation. <br /><br />Please don’t hesitate to message me if you’d like to talk to someone privately about what is going on. I’m also happy to help you work through a plan to leave safely if you are ready to go. Thinking of you, OP.

Post # 29
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

raspberryswirl:  People get in bad situations.. but every single time things like this get this bad whats the first thing they say.. I should have left sooner. You know this isn’t right and you know this isn’t the type of relationship/marriage/person that you want children with. You are worried about meeting someone else but you are wasting time finding someone else by staying with someone who doesn’t treat you right. Its scary to ask for help but you would be surprised how many people would be there to support you and help out so that you can be happy again. Its scary to wonder how things will turn out but trust me ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN THIS! You can’t fix his problems and it doesn’t sound like he is ready to fix them either.

Post # 30
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t know your relationship with your parents, but any decent parent who knew their child was in an abusive situation would make room, even if it’s on the couch and temporary. Take a day off work, get all your stuff in the car while he’s at work and leave. No note, just go. Change your number and block his email.

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