(Closed) Ready to kill my FILs.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

lol, i get it. just keep on keeping on. your fi probably picked you because you’re so animated. Smile

Post # 4
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Does he say he’s upset with them?  Or are you assuming he is upset because you would be?

I’m sorry they seem to be emotionless.  Perhaps they don’t have the capacity.   Maybe you should look into the defibrillator paddles…..  ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 5
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m kinda in a similar situation (prob not as extreme). I’ve just learned to accept that our families are VERY different and I’d actually prefer his family be a bit aloof rather than over-involved/pushy. I’d be more annoyed if my Future Mother-In-Law was over my house every day doing FIs laundry.

Post # 6
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Could you encourage good behavior from them or would it go right over their heads? Such as sayign to them, “Oh, Fiance was SOOOOOOO excited that you liked our engagement pictures. He is just so happy about planning the wedding and absolutely loves it when you get involved/show interest/give your input!”. Anytime they respond at all to anything you say about the wedding make a BIG DEAL about it and praise them for it.

Post # 9
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

this happened with a friend of mine.  She just kept it moving, as should you guys.  It sucks but choose happiness and not emotional duress over it.

Post # 10
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Ha ha, I loved my Big Fat Greek Wedding. And I am 32 and my family starts calling me at the stroke of midnight on my birthday. It’s a big deal. And my mum is over the moon. I’m not that close to my FI’s family only because they live in another continent but I know they are excited. Is he an only kid? Does he have other siblings that ARE excited? Does he have aunts or cousins or uncles or grandparents? Anybody? Anyone??

Post # 12
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Well, he does know his family better than you do, so even if it doesn’t make sense to you, maybe they do need to be “told” how to act about the wedding.  Is he the first one in his family to get married?  Did his parents have a fancy wedding?

It almost seems as if they are just super easy-going.  So much so that they almost appear rude.  I when you and your Mom tag team his Mom you’ll be successful in getting her involved.  Is there any wedding planning that she could be invited to?  Cake tasting, dress fitting etc?

Post # 13
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like we have similar situations.  My family is very effusive, excited about things in general and his is definitely more subdued.  That’s how it went while planning the wedding, except later I found out that my Mother-In-Law had wanted to be more involved but she didn’t want to ask.  They are just more passive people.  I totally understand the disconnect when you come from a different kind of family.  If I had to do it again would just come right out and ask them, or suggest your Fiance just ask them if they want to be involved in the action.  Like, ‘hey we really want you guys to be involved in the planning, if you are interested!’ If you still get no response then at least you gave them the option.  You just don’t want them to feel shut out if it is just a difference in communication styles.

Post # 14
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m in a very similar situation, the only difference is that they do email/call etc.  They however do not believe in marriage????  My fiance’s Mom passed when he was only 2 years old.  His Dad is living with a woman, never married and my fiance won’t refer to her as step-mom.  Been about 15 years.  Its all her, they dont believe in anything, no bdays, nothing and we’ve just been told they decided to “skip Christmas” this year…WHO DOES THAT?  My family is like yours, bdays, celebrations for everything!  They think the wedding is a big waste of money, meanwhile his Dad to his Mom had 600 people, so he knows the deal, its ALL HER!  needless to say I’m not a fan of hers, I’m trying to just keep going forward but I feel your pain, I want to pinch them and smack them and say what the hell is your problem!!!

It’s really hard for me not get all worked up about it.  But I have been good at biting my tongue.  One day I did say in a light tone “Well it seems like you two are not even interested in attending that day”  … as she kept joking they’d be away on vacation May 14.  Nice joke.  Since then its been a little better, but fake effort.

 

Post # 15
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I feel your pain.  My husband’s parents are so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t be bothered to take even a cursory interest in his life.  Everything is always about them and they’re forever taking any conversation and somehow twisting it around until they’re at the center.

Makes. Me. Want. To. Scream.

Post # 16
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

OMG! As I’m reading your post I became more and more shocked, bc our situations are SO SIMILAR! I mean the way you describe your family and his, we are twins!!

I have to share what happened after we got engaged and saw his parents for the first time. I walk in the door thinking his mom is going to say something about seeing my ring, but nothing. We were there for about 30mins & my husband said “mom, don’t you want to see the ring?” and her response was “the offer hasn’t been made??” like i was supposed to awkwardly ask “want to see my ring?” They are so stiff!

Now here is one of the worst things his parents did…..at our wedding (which i should mention was a total of 5 hours) his dad comes up to me and says “we are going to take off!!!!” I was in shock, we only had about 1 hour left and they weren’t going to wait for our send off, they wanted to leave an hour early at their own sons wedding! And I should mention they have 2 sons, and this was the first one to get married! So when my FIL goes up to my husband to let him know they were leaving, my husband was CRUSHED. He basically guilted them into staying the last hour, and they didn’t even mingle, instead they ended up going into the other room at watched baseball till the wedding ended.

I hope this doesn’t happen to your husband! This really crushed mine ๐Ÿ™ I just wanted to shake them and say “what are you doing to your son!!”

I feel your pain!!! 

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