- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2010
I am a self-admitted cynic, but these past two days have made me exceedingly worse than ever before. I thought I would write a post about the “behind the scenes” reality of wedding planning. I went into this thinking it was going to be the best time of my life. I’m not sure what I have done wrong but I have literally hated 90% of the time I have been engaged. Here is what I have learned:
1) Your wedding isn’t about you. Get that mentality out of your head right now. If you have outspoken family members, it’s about them, they will ALWAYS win, and if you are on a budget, your budget will rule you like a ball and chain. Like many brides, I’m on a strict budget which means, no going into any store or talking to a vendor and picking out “whatever my heart desires.” Everything I have picked out has been strictly based on cost, whether or not I like the item. I hate to say that I don’t even really like my dress but it was something to put on my body my wedding day and I could afford it.
2) When figuring out your guest list with your fiance, realize that whatever you two come up with will be over-ruled by someone, not sure who that someone will be, but it will be someone. And your choices are, either let the outspoken person win or start a family feud. Awesome choices! FH and I spent literally months on the guest list, finally came up with a list we both agreed on, and since the invitations have gone out, his family has told us, not asked us, that they will be bringing extra people who weren’t initially invited to the wedding. Since it’s his family, it’s of course “okay and acceptable” that they do this. Nevermind the fact that we can’t afford them, let alone have room to seat them during dinner. Again, your wedding isn’t about you.
3) If you are on a budget, whatever price point you have in your head for something, automatically add $1,000 to it. I had budgeted $300 for my dress, $500 for the flowers, $1,500 for the honeymoon, and the list goes on. I quickly learned, wow, you can’t get ANYTHING in wedding land for that amount of money! My budget wasn’t even close to what these things actually cost.
4) I have had a lot of advice given to me, one of which is, “if someone offers to help you do something, let them” Granted, this is true, however, please know that sometimes their “free” help doesn’t come without a price. I have had people flake out on me, not respond to emails, calls, or after their offers to help, have given me a huge pain in the rear when it came time to actually “cashing out” on their offer to help.
5) Know that whatever happens, there is no humanly way to make everyone happy. You will more than likely have to make everyone else happy before yourself.
6) Expect glitches, no matter what. I have tried and tried to schedule things in a timely manner, do things, line up things, so that I won’t be stressed, so that everything will go smoothly. It doesn’t matter how much effort or planning you do, someone or something will inevitably screw it up. It is all beyond your control.
7) You and your fiance will fight. You will probably fight multiple times throughout your engagement. Many times you will fight over the stupidest things you could ever imagine, but at the time, they are very important things. You may even reach a point where you question your decision to get married!
I hate to sound so negative, but I think if I knew all these things going into my engagement, the “let down” wouldn’t have been so bad. Granted, it’s an amazing thing to marry your soul mate, but I’m starting to wonder if the stress and hoopla around weddings these days is worth it. If I were to do it all again, I really think I would have just gone up to the courthouse and then had a nice dinner afterwards. I have lost sleep and lost weight, fight weekly with FH over God knows what, and am at the point where I don’t even know if I want to show up to my own wedding. Hopefully although cynical, I hope this list will help someone out. I am SURE I will have more things to add being that my wedding is in less than a month!! Stay tuned 🙂