(Closed) Real Life Bride Wars…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh it makes for more fun!  I am an encore bride and two of my best friends were all getting married (one was my MOH) within six months of each other.  We never had any competition.  Only thing we did was "flip" for the sanctuary as my best friend and I wanted to get married in the same church sanctuary!  We ended up getting married on different sides of town, totally different reception type venues too. 

Maybe you can take her out for celebratory drinks and then you can have one on one time with her to discuss things and let her know how excited you are for her and see if she reciprocates.  I’ll bet she will! 

Post # 4
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I wouldn’t back out until you have at least sat down and had a chat.

 Hopefully that will get everything out in the open. Good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Your friend is being selfish and unsupportive.   If she had behaved like this before she asked you to be in her wedding party, you would have had every right to refuse to be a part of it.  But I think that the standard for backing out of a wedding party that you have agreed to be in is really high. And I don’t think that she has done anything yet that would justify your backing out of her wedding.  If you both share a group of friends, they will not understand why you did this, and you could wind up having to deal with a lot of personal drama at a time when you would rather be focusing on your wedding.  If she can’t be happy for you and supportive of your wedding, that is sad and unfortunate, but rather than trying to change her into a better person, it would be easier if you just leaned upon your other friends for support and encouragement.

Post # 6
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

The problem with not being confrontational is: everyone has to decipher your actions, and usually they assume you did something for all the wrong reasons.

Sit down face to face and go with the old "When you do {such and such} it makes me feel {such and such}."  Try not to go point by point with her, just figure out the BIG issues (like you feel that she is not happy you are engaged and you feel like you are both competing for wedding thunder when you could be sharing it).  There are often bees on here who feel guilty that they are angry that a friend got engaged right when they did.  She may not know she’s being rude, or she may be unable to help it.  Whatever the case, you should work it out.  You’ll feel WAY better!  Don’t back out of her wedding, she asked you to help for a reason.  But also don’t feel like you HAVE to ask her to be in your wedding.  It is not tit for tat.  (Sidenote: she may feel bad that you haven’t asked her yet!)

Hope that all helps!!

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

We all have personality flaws.  I’m guessing she had a certain personality type before this all happened that doesn’t make you particularly surprised she’s reacting like this.  I agree you might want to get it all out in the open and hug it out.   There are a lot of posts around here about brides feeling like someone stole their thunder.  (It’s not that you meant it.  But sometimes that’s how they feel).  Granted she seems to be a bit inconsiderate, but I’m guessing she might have been a little, before.

I would try not to do anything drastic.  I know you and she are stressed, but your weddings will pass.  If you can get to the other side, things are bound to look brighter.  Relationships can get wrecked over weddings, so needlessly, sometimes.

Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

Eeessshhh… not good.

I agree with some of the other posts. Its always best to openly talk about it. But I know, its a lot harder then its sounds!

Post # 9
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

One of my close friend got engaged two months after I did. While she did admit being a bit jealous of me getting engaged first, she was still very happy for me. After she got engaged, we did a lot of wedding plannign together and our other half were pretty happy to let us plan away.

During thsi time, my close friend actually asked me to be her wedding planner because I’m very organized and on top of things. However, after considering it & looking up duties of wedding planner, I turned her down because I was too busy with work, moving across states and planning my own wedding. She didn’t get mad and totally understood it.

I suggest talking to her first. Let her know you’re really happy for her but this is also your special time too. Maybe you can tell her the stress you are facing with planning your own wedding and wonder if she is also facing these issues and need someone to talk to.

Post # 10
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Awwww…it’s really too bad you can’t celebrate this joyous time of your lives together! I’m so sorry! What fun it would be to plan together and swap ideas, but have no fear, that’s what Weddingbee is for! I echo the recommendations to have a heart-to-heart with her to at least get it out there and know you’ve tried your best. Then see where the chips fall from there. Please keep us posted on how this goes.

Post # 11
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have the same issue. My friend got engaged a month before me after only being with her boyfriend for 4 months while I had been with mine for 4 years. I wasn’t jealous because I knew my boyfriend was getting ready to propose (we picked out the ring together). She acted like I was trying to outdo her when I got engaged, never once said congratulations being that she was close with me & my FH. Then I started getting upset because it was like she was trying to make sure that I don’t outshine her wedding with a bigger wedding. So she moved her date the month before my wedding, even after I informed her that I had already put a deposit down on the venue. She tried to ask my best friend to my her Maid/Matron of Honor (my Boyfriend or Best Friend said no) and she is asking all people that I am closer with to be a part of her wedding.

Anyway, in the end, I listened to some great advice and stopped stressing. A wedding is a wedding and a marriage is lifetime. When it becomes a competition with a friend or Bride Wars, then it stops being about you, your FH, and your future together. Think about it. ::Smile::

Post # 12
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Sorry…New Bee…didn’t realize this post was from 2 yrs ago. Hahahaahaha!!

Post # 13
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think this is WAR! I got engaged 5 months before my ‘friends’ did and had pretty much all my details, vendors, colors, songs, dress etc picked out thanks to my wonderful family. I couldnt have been more happy for them … untill they picked their date 2 weeks before our wedding and asked us (FI & I) to be their Maid/Matron of Honor n Bridesmaid or Best Man .. We accepted the offer with pleasure and still we were happy for them.. I helped her plan her wedding and do all the details that a Maid/Matron of Honor would do as did my Fiance as their Bridesmaid or Best Man ..  A bridesmaid who was a mutal friend, to my impression got jealous of how close the Bride n I were becoming. Which truthfully i was shocked i was even her Maid/Matron of Honor since we have no history together just our FI’s are friends..  As this other bridesmaid got more n more jealous she mad up LEGIT lies to get them to no be our friends anymore.. and the busyer i became with my own wedding n less time i had to give to her she started to believe the lies.. Now 7 months till my wedding i am no longer ‘friends’ with this girl she has stole all my ideas/colors/songs etc. and the ‘jealous bridesmaid’ is now her Maid/Matron of Honor n i am out n my Fiance as their Bridesmaid or Best Man is just a floating idea cuz im sure he will soon be replace with their next set of friends … Am i wrong? Did she not know what she was asking of us when she chose us to be her Maid/Matron of Honor n BM? I explained it was alot but i would be honored etc etc.. My thoughts r she must of known from the beggining that she was going to get all my ideas etc n ditch me.. HOW RUDE.   Not to mention this couple was livingtogether/dating for 7 prior years! Y pick ur date 2 weeks before mine. Whats the rush now? Competition to my knowledge which was never my intentions but it came out to it .. No long story short. She has A Maid/Matron of Honor that nos nothing of her duties nor is a ‘real friend’ cuz she talks badly about her left n right. No Bridesmaid or Best Man cuz i dont want my Fiance to be apart of their wedding nor is he impressed with either of their actions from day one (wedding date choice) and she will have a wedding 2 weeks before mine with all my ideas… LESSON LEARNED! Weddings really do bring out the best n worst in people …

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