Post # 1
So, today is our due date and I just emailed a couple that was invited by my parents. The guy responded with this:
Mdbee–we aren’t sure if we can make it. We are trying to get out of town that weekend, which would be the first weekend we’ve been able to get out of town for almost 4 years. I don’t know whether to RSVP conditionally or what. Can you put us down in pencil? No restrictions for dietary stuff.
Really? Has anyone else been asked to “pencil in” their non-commital guests?
Post # 4
what did you say back?!?!?
Post # 5
O_o hmmm! That’s new like really new. I hope u said no
Post # 6
I haven’t responded yet. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. I’m a little irritated. But it brings up a good question of mine:
If I have 200 confirmed guests, do I tell the caterer 200 or a slightly higher number in case someone extra shows up? I know of a wedding where the groom didn’t get to eat because extra guests showed up and they had a plated dinner. I am doing a chinese buffet, but through a professional caterer, so I am wondering about numbers.
Post # 7
LOL yes, actually! Well, kind of, but not as funny as yours! Wow.
One of our groomsmen lives in CA and wrote on the RSVP that his girlfriend “will only be coming if it’s a last minute decision and I fly her in the day before or something.” Luckily, he’s an old dear friend of ours, so I was able to be like, “Here’s the deal… Don’t pull that last minute shit on us.” Haha!
Post # 8
I’ve never been in that situation, but I think the correct response is to reply with something like:
“Sorry, but I really need a firm yes or no. If you can’t commit, I’m going to have to take that as a ‘no'”.
Because if they can’t commit to being there, you can’t commit to buying them a seat and meal.
Post # 9
@paula1248: I think that is a good response!
Post # 10
I actually think its considerate considering they could just not answer at all because they didnt know.
I would respond Thanks for keeping us informed. Because I need final numbers by X date, could you let me know definatively by then?
And if not, dont worry. You can always add one more person to the catering number, but you cant take away.
Post # 11
“Sure, I’ll pencil you in. I’ll draw in pencil a chicken breast, garlic mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. Did you want rolls too”?
This is the strangest RSVP I’ve seen. I have nothing to say other than, WOW!!!
Post # 12
As the other Bees said, you need to talk to your Caterer to see what their requirements are… regarding WHEN for final numbers, and IF they do make an allowance for slightly over numbers (some do, some don’t)
Then if your Caterer says… “NO Exact Numbers ONLY”
I’d phone the guy back (thereby putting him the “uncomfortable” spot) and say…
Thanks for the info… Unfortunately both We and Our Caterer need to know EXACT numbers of our Guests who are attending, due to the cost of the meal, logistics etcetera. Penciling you in, therefore won’t work. Please let me know if you’ll be coming or not.
OR if you are ticked enough by his current status… just email him back and say.
Sorry, we can’t pencil folks in, as unfortunately We and our Caterer need to know EXACT numbers of our Guests who are attending, due to the cost of the meal, logistics etcetera. We are sad that still are not able to confirm. We will miss you on our Big Day.
Ya… ok a bit harsh maybe (Miss Manners / Emily Post wouldn’t necessarily be happy with me).
BUT the reality is sometimes there are Guests who need to understand that a Wedding Dinner IS NOT A CASUAL POT LUCK DINNER ~ SHOW UP OR NOT … and there is a cost to putting seats for them ON HOLD
Hope this helps,
Post # 13
I would be grateful to receive this reply. I mean – for one, at least they sent in the RSVP card, and for two, it genuinely sounds like they’re trying to come. I understand the need for firm numbers, but there’s no need to be shocked or horrified by a response like this.
Post # 14
@autumnmountainbride: I think the response is friendly, and I would appreciate that this couple is making an effort to come – but if they weren’t sure “whether to respond conditionally or what,” I feel like they should have called or emailed to ask if they can get back to the bride & groom by [whatever date, maybe a week after the deadline] to let them know if they can attend or not.
We are currently dealing with RSVPs right now, and we’ve had a number of guests contact us asking how firm our RSVP deadline is because they are still trying to make arrangements (work, travel, whatever) but need a few extra days to figure out whether or not they can definitely come. That is no problem and I really appreciate being kept in the loop, instead of having to wonder where their RSVP is! To me, the “penciling in” is the weird part here.
Post # 15
If I was this person who said “pencil me in” and I got the invite I would have called within a few days of the invite after I talked it over with my SO and given you a heads up, “Hey we’re trying to get out of town, we don’t know when though, will keep you updated okay?” I would have been up front about my plans from the beginning.
Then if my SO and I really wanted to get away around the date of your wedding we would have just cemented that and r.s.v.p’d “No.” I would have called you and explained our situation and wish you the best on your happy day and that we should catch up after your honeymoon.
That is me though. Not everyone can be that awesome. (J/K)
Now that you’re in this situation it depends on what you want to do. Do you want to be a nice girl and try to accomodate this couple? If so, do what some of the bees have suggested, call the caterer and such. You should probably call to find out what his “extra person policy” is so you can know for future reference.
Or do you want to put your foot down and tell them, “Sorry, but need an answer NOW.” I am the kind of person who would be in this second option. *biased*
Post # 16
Confused – are they trying to get out of town to go to your wedding? Or are they trying to go out of town to go somewhere else?