Real wedding ceremony after eloping at a courthouse? Need closure!

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I actually know someone who got married today and is having a ceremony and reception later! We were also debating doing this, but didn’t because we weren’t in a rush to get married. I think you should have at least some other celebration with family and friends, since you are feeling down about the courthouse wedding. For some people that type of thing is enough, but it sounds like you wanted more. Is your husband and family being supportive of this? If so, I say go for it! You don’t want to end up resenting your original wedding day. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

alot of military spouses have a jop wedding and then plan their big wedding for later – you wont be the first so if its important to you talk it over with your husband and make something happen for yourselves.

Post # 5
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Option 1 seems fake to me when we’re already married… and its not like people will take the “fake”ceremony as seriously or hold it dear as the real one. –I doubt that this is true. I had a private ceremony and am having a reception (without a ceremony) but a lot of people have requested that we redo our vows. You can always just sort of stage your vows a bit and not do the whole she-bang, but just read some of them during a toast to your guests for example. Or, if you are religious, having a second ceremony to be married “in the eyes of God” would make sense to a lot of people. If YOU feel that it would “lack the energy” then don’t treat it like a second ceremony. Perhaps think of the first as your vows to each-other and the second as a second ritual in which you share your commitment with your community.

would it be tacky to re-wear my white wedding dress again to recreate the day?–No! SO MANY people have asked me to wear my wedding dress again! It’s up to you–wear it again if you like, buy a different “reception dress” or wear something already in your closet. It’s YOUR event!

Post # 6
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@JennyW1:I’m with JennyW1 on this.

People want to be involved, they want to be there. People would be thrilled to go to your reception, and your ceremony, if you do another.

 

If a friend of yours was in this situation, would you tell her to suck it up, or to have her day? I’d tell her to have her day!

 

Don’t short change yourself. You deserve a wedding the way you want it. Go for it!

Post # 7
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I have two friends who had a “real wedding” after a couthouse one. They both had ceremonies at their weddings, and treated the second wedding exactly like a real wedding. And as a bonus, they both were able to have a friend “officiate” at the wedding without having to go through the trouble of getting ordained on the internet (which can’t even be done in many states), because it did not have to be legal!

Post # 8
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would have another ceremony. like pps said, people want to share that with you. are you religious at all? the second ceremony could be your religious one. as for your dress, it’s not tacky to wear the same dress again, especially since it sounds like only your parents have really seen it. but maybe if your budget allows, you could get another dress to make it feel more special?

Post # 9
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You deserve your special day!!!  I know sooo many people who had a quick, tiny wedding or elopement for practical reasons (insurance, immigration, etc.) then went on to have a big wedding celebration and it in no way felt fake. Big weddings are nice because you get to declare your love in front of your friends and family.  Small weddings are sweet and intimate.  You get to enjoy them both – consider yourself very luck!

Post # 10
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My husband and I went to City Hall to get married almost 10 months before our actually wedding day!  It was mostly due to religious reasons (my parents are extremely superstitious and Chinese parents are hard to argue with lol).  I feared the same – that it would take away from the wedding that I had been dreaming and planned for.  A lot of our close friends at the wedding knew we were legally married, but they all said that our ceremony was beautiful and there were a lot of tears).  We wrote our ceremony together and our vows separately.  To us, the wedding day was our actually wedding and City Hall was more of a formality to please the parents.  It was a beautiful ceremony on an unsually warm late-September day and I will never forget my husbands vows.

Post # 11
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m doing this right now. We got married at city hall, because of immigration and health  insurance. We kept it o ourselves because of the immigration and started to tell people once he got his green card. We’re having our big church wedding with the blessing of our family and our priest. Marriage is the legal part, the wedding is the celebration!

Post # 11
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

balletgirl:  I was searching for advice for a wedding number two or vow renewal or something, and stumbled across your post.  My husband and I did the exact same thing for the exact same reason, and I find myself exactly where you are.  I don’t regret marrying him, we were planning in doing it anyway we just quickly eloped.  However I do find myself regretting the decision to do so.  I really wanted a quaint little wedding where some family and friends were there to witness, and I have a beautiful wedding dress that I never got to wear.  My husband wants a do over so that I can have the wedding that I wanted, but just like you it almost seems like the sparkle will not be there.  To make things a little more weird his younger sister had a baby and her and her fiance are marrying in August, as well as our best friends. They are doing the wedding thing that will be the whole family and friends… So if I were to do a wedding when is the time?   Should I even bother?

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ahojnacki:  Hi, I am in your same boat too. Long story short, we eloped without my parents present last May. I’ve been feeling guilty about not telling them and here it is our one year anniversary is next weekend. I have been reading all these posts because I want to wear my big dress and walk down the aisle and have that traditional ceremony. Ultimately I am afraid of when I tell my parents next week their reaction. I guess that will tell me if they are even willing to throw my wedding for me. 

when we eloped, I bought this very simple dress to wear to the courthouse. I don’t want that to be my wedding day dress. But again not sure what is “appropriate”. Or do I just say screw wgat everyone thinks, I’m having my big day 18 months later? Lol. 

Post # 13
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance is in the military and we will be doing your option 1.  I dont look at it as “fake.”  We are simply taking care of the paperwork and then having a formal wedding with friends and family later.  

Post # 14
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I have a friend who did a justice of the peace with close family and then on their one year anniversary did a vow renewal on a cruise.  

Post # 15
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m getting married this Nov. in a courthouse, and doing the ceremony shortly after in Italy.  There were some critics, but they didn’t have to think about finding and hiring a certified Italian translator to convert all of our documents, among the million other little rules.  Do what you want!  It’s a celebration, only supportive people included!

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