"Real wedding" next year after secret civil ceremony

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 4
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
pufflehuff :  I personally think it depends on the situation. For some people there’s a need to get married faster I.e military duty, visas etc but they still want that special day. So honestly I wouldn’t care if I found out someone was already legally married. If someone invites me to celebrate their wedding, feeds me and gives me booze then I couldn’t give a shit when they lodged their paperwork. I don’t think it’s necessary to keep it a secret but I can see why it might be a big deal for other couples.

Post # 5
Member
3818 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think it’s dumb to lie about it. Friends and family aren’t going to care that a civil ceremony was done before. But if couples want to start their marriage off on a lie, that’s their burden to carry. 

Post # 6
Member
4619 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Don’t lie

Post # 8
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
pufflehuff :  I agree, to me there is no need to be dishonest, if you feel you need to be then you’re probably not surrounding yourself with the right people. But I think people get hung up about it in their own heads. I know it’s something that I struggled with very briefly. I never intended on keeping it secret from anyone because I am excited to announce it and I didn’t think it would be right to keep it from our families. But I did momentarily worry that maybe people wouldn’t come to the belated reception. Ultimately I decided that was silly and didn’t dwell on it. So I guess I can understand the motivation a little. 

Post # 9
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

I guess I don’t see the question of “when are you filing paperwork”  coming up too often. So I don’t see why it’s even an issue. If someone doesn’t directly ask, it isn’t lying. And the reason someone might not volunteer is that some people are extra weird about it, as evidenced here. I think people should do what works best for them and their loved ones should remain loving and butt out of the legal details- it really isn’t any of their business. You are at the wedding to celebrate the commitment, not be the marriage license police. 

Post # 11
Member
13393 posts
Honey Beekeeper

People do not like to be lied to and generally have a funny way of deciding for themselves how to feel about it. It’s not weird to be turned off by a lie, and a totally unnecessary one, at that.

A couple who is already married has had their modest wedding, but that doesn’t mean they can’t also have a beautiful reception, complete with cake, music, dancing, photos, speeches, readings, and a white dress if desired. It could be black tie for that matter. Just call it what it is, a “reception in honor of the marriage.”  

Let’s be real though. The reason many people lie about this is they think they will otherwise not rake in the same profits.

Post # 12
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
weddingmaven :  That definitely wasn’t my train of thought just to clarify. Although I don’t think weddings are as big in regards to gift giving as they are in the US? I could be wrong about that but registries and stuff aren’t as common. My concerns were from a place of insecurity that people wouldn’t think that it was “real” or as special. 

Post # 13
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
weddingmaven :  and they would probably be right. Hence the incentive to lie and resulting anger at being duped. 

Post # 14
Member
2615 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
weddingmaven :  YES. THIS. 

View original reply
pufflehuff :  I just want to LOL at people who try to claim the 2nd wedding is the “real” one. As though they put that Mable on it because thy know it’s not real. It’s my beehive hill to die on that you can’t call that 2nd event a wedding. There are a few bees on here that try to use this phraseology and I’m all over it with the “you can’t do that”s

Post # 15
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

Y’all can get all in a huff about it if you want, but you aren’t going to convince people who don’t agree with you that the legal bit is equivalent in significance to the ceremonial bit. I’m all about the government rights part of marriage, but the “real” part is the promised commitment. You are welcome to see it differently for your own marriages, but other people will define their own values for themselves, without your help. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors