(Closed) Realistic Expectation of Bridesmaids?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I dont think her expectations are high. My Bridesmaid or Best Man are staying with me in the same hotel the night before and our hair and makeup begins at 6am, I am paying for there hair and makeup but I wanted us to get ready all together as well. Yes the day is about the wedding, but as a bride I find it comforting that my closest and dearest people will be with me the morning of one of the biggest days of my life. As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, its one day..it wont kill you to spend the day with the bride.

Post # 3
857 posts
Busy bee

I dont think her expectations are high at all! The morning should be spent together. You all are there to be her support and help her with anything. My bm’s and I all want to spent that time together and are looking forward too it. We are evening spending the prior day/night and morning/day of the wedidng together. Its part of the festivities. The bride needs her girls for moral support. ITs going to be an overwhelming and exciting day for her, and she wants to share it with you girls!

Post # 4
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think they are too high at all. It’s one day. Every wedding I’ve been in we all got ready together at 8 or 9 in the morning then were at the wedding all night. That’s kinda what’s expected as a bridesmaids. 

Post # 5
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I’m all about the “you get 1 day” philosophy of low expectations for maids. That said, asking for the maids to attend the day-of getting ready activities, particularly since she has offered to help pay for said getting ready costs, seems pretty darn reasonable to me. Now if she started veerring into the mandatory slumber party the night before, mandatory clean-up duties after the reception, mandatory this/that/the other territory, I may reconsider my response. But on the face of it, it’s not a request that would leave me grumbling.

Post # 6
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t think they are too high… every wedding I have been in has involved an entire day with the bride.  Most have started with a bridesmaids brunch early followed immediately by the makeup/hair people.

Post # 8
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s a very long day, but I don’t think its unreasonable for the bride to want to be surrounded by her besties and closest family all day on her wedding day. She can’t force you to participate. Be firm in your opposition. “I will get hair my done by regular stylist.” “I will meet you at the salon at TIME for make up.”

Post # 10
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That timeline was pretty much my timeline for our wedding day.  And every other wedding I’ve been a bridesmaid in.  Usually the bridesmaids spend day with the bride getting ready.  Don’t think it’s unrealistic or rude at all.  


If you need a break, you can probably leave the salon and take some personal time.  

Post # 11
3842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’ve been in several weddings, and this all seems pretty standard fare to me. I don’t think it’s unreasonable and being apart is only going to create more headaches. Honestly, the Maid/Matron of Honor and the bridesmaids should all plan on being with the bride or at the wedding from the moment they wake up until the bride and groom drive away at the end of the night. Asking the girls to get their hair done at one salon is not unreasonable–asking the bride to get your hair done off-sight at another place IS unreasonable, though. The fact that the bride and groom even offered to pay the difference for everyone makes any complaints even more unreasonable. It seems the bride is going out of her way to ensure her maids are comfortable getting their hair done at the [convenient] salon of her choosing.

Post # 12
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center


It’s not unreasonable at all. It sounds like every wedding I’ve ever been a part of – plus, when all of you are getting ready, the time seriously flies. It’s not like you have to sit there without your phone all day and be disconnected from the outside world. The bride just wants to spend the day getting ready with her girls; I assumed this is how every wedding is, imo.

Post # 13
30 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

That is a long day, but I think its normal to spend the morning with the bride. She’s right, the ceremony and reception will be a whirlwind and she won’t have time to visit with you then. So the morning and getting ready is the time for that. Its nice that she offered to help pay. It shows that she really does just want your company, not your wallet.

Post # 14
2517 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t think it seems unrealistic either.  I thought that I was pretty easy going with my BMs but I also expect them to be there in the morning too (and I think they expect to be there.)  We’re getting ready at the resort, so I paid for everyone’s make up at the spa.  I’ve booked the appointments and made sure there was time for everyone and that everyone is in there with someone they know (there are two make up artists, so two girls in there at a time.  So I paired people with people they’re close to or they already know well in case they want to chat, etc.)  

I gave my girls the choice about hair.  Some are having it done, some are doing it themselves.  The stylist is coming to the venue for us, so the order is set (hair then make up) and we’ll be in the one room.  

My Dad will be bringing in lunch at one point for all of us.  

And we’re hoping to ski at least a run first thing in the morning! Brunch is included in our stay so we’ll have brunch before we start the hair/make up process.  And I’d like some ‘getting ready’ shots with my friends and just have a fun, girly, giddy morning. 

However, with the exception of my jr. bridesmaid, I spend oodles of time with these girls.  12 hour work days, gym time, vacations, ski trips, etc.  So I think I (and they) look at this as another of many weekends together. 

Post # 15
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

BM-is-a-TERRIBLE-acronym:  I agree that it seems like a long time, but I imagine it just takes that long for 11 women to get hair and makeup done.

With that said, I do not think it is appropriate for a bride to demand that her bridesmaids get their hair or makeup done professionally. If she wants everyone to get ready at this salon together, she should pay for everything. And even if she does offer to pay, it is ok for a bridesmaid to decline. Not everyone is comfortable having someone else do their hair and makeup.

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