(Closed) Realization about my mother. Bummed.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, I’m so sorry you feel this way. No words of help right now, just know that your Fiance will have your back, and it’s up to you and him to create a family in the model you think it should be. Ask him to be the one to tell you if he ever see’s your mother in you for a trait you don’t want to repeat.


Fiance and I will say ‘okay XXX” when we hear the other speaking a manner we know we don’t want to perpetuate – it helps with awareness that’s for sure.

The fact you are self aware enough to question that you might become like this to someone who is not even born yet, shows that you care enough never to do that to her.


Post # 4
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My mother was also going through the menopause during my 1st wedding.  She was positively evil at times.  Couldn’t stand that the focus was on me for once, and made it clear that she was jealous of my life.  It was awful! 

One memorable time she had me try on my wedding dress at home, so we could see if it needed to be drycleaned beforehand…mainly to get any creases out, as it was brand new. I’d bought it (another tale, I’d wanted to rent but she forced me to buy) months previously and it had been hanging in a cupboard.

For some reason, the sight of me in the dress, instead of making her weep with joy, or do anything of the nice things mothers are supposed to do when their only daughter is in her wedding dress.. put her in a foul mood.  She called me a hypocrite, asked why I was bothering to get married as I was already sleeping with Fiance, and then stormed out of the house…leaving me stuck in the dress! It had a long row of buttons at the back, going from my bottom up to my neck. I couldn’t reach around to undo them…I ended up having to rip a seam to get out of the damn thing! 

My mother has never had my back. She’s still very bitter and twisted about my father leaving her…over 20 years ago.  It makes me really sad, especially when I see my friends with their parents.

I hope things improve for you soon. 

Post # 5
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry you’re going through this. While she does seem to be acting very self centered and childish, at the end of the day I think her intention is to have the best wedding she can possibly have for you. People have different tastes and maybe she doesn’t want to bluntly say to you “Oh that cake sounds gross!” or something so she makes these other comments to hint at it.

Unfortunately not everyone is going to be very involved in the wedding planning process. I experienced this with my Future Mother-In-Law a bit. She was all gung ho when we first started planning and said she would make us the ribbon wands for our ceremony and now we’re only a few months away and she hasn’t even gotten supplies yet. Sometimes, no matter how close, you can only rely on yourself. Do what you think is best for you and your fiance.

Post # 6
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow your mom and my mom are so much alike! I wanted a small wedding as well and my mom wants to invite distant relatives, her co-workers..people I don’t even know! When i asked her why she says, “If I don’t invite them, it’ll look bad on ME!” She went behind my back and put a deposit on a reception venue and now I’m stuck paying for a room I hate. She hates the cake I picked out and plans to order another cake so her side of the family don’t have to eat MY cake (she thinks it’s too sweet (it’s not) and insists on a cake from a Vietnamese bakery which tastes bland btw)! I told her there will be only ONE cake at the reception and it will be mine. She gossips to my aunt all the bad choices I made with the wedding planning. I feel so bad for my FI’s side of the family because they had no say in the wedding, my mom is taking over everything!

it’s my wedding, I’m paying for everything, why do I have to do things according to what her side of the family likes/wants? Quite frankly if anyone is going to complain about my taste and choices than I don’t need them to attend my wedding.


What pisses me off the most….

Now she wants to hire her co worker-friend to watch my son for the wedding because doesnt want anyone on her side of the family to know I have a baby. BS. Yell

The topic ‘Realization about my mother. Bummed.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors