- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
Please let me preface everything by saying I truly love my mom. She’s worked really hard to build a life for us in America. That being said, I finally came to the realization today about what bothers me most about my mom – she doesn’t have my back. And all the wedding planning this past year has made that very clear.
I originally wanted a small wedding with immediate family and close friends only. I come from a very large family, and we’re pretty close, but budget didn’t allow for a giant wedding. That was tension point #1 with my mom. She insisted that everyone be invited. Otherwise, she’d “never be able to show her face to the family again,” so we finally agreed that if she’d pay for the food and drinks, then fine.
For whatever reason, she seems to think that by her paying for food and drinks, my load of worries should be so much lighter. She doesn’t realize that more people requires more stuff in general. More chairs that need to be rented, more centerpieces, more money, more STRESS…
We’d planned a while back for her to help me put together centerpieces, but as the date draws closer, she keeps reminding me about how stressed out she is about having to get her house ready for the out-of-town family coming in, how she’s going to have to be a good hostess for them, then help me with my decor, blah blah blah… how the wedding is stressing her out. Seriously?!? I couldn’t take it anymore, lost my cool, and let her know it’s because she wanted the big wedding. I have now been branded the ungrateful, kinship-hating daughter. I feel like she’s always so worried about what everyone else is going to think about her that she leaves me hanging.
I also have one of those rude, toxic aunts who thinks she’s an expert at everything, and who loves to give opinions that’ll make you feel like shit… stuff like “the cake you made doesn’t taste as good as so and so’s cake” in front of a table full of people. My mom loves to go to her with all her wedding “woes.” I always get this feeling like they’re talking crap about me behind my back by the way she treats me when I see her. I wonder how a mother can be like this with her own daughter. Any attempts at talking things out never go anywhere because she doesn’t accept her personality flaws and I have so much resentment that I get too emotional. She’s also going through menopause right now, which makes everything infinitely worse.
All the resentment now makes me hesitant to have a daughter of my own. I fear I might inadvertently repeat my mom’s cycle.
I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I can say or do to change her. That’s just the way she is. I just wanted to vent, so thanks for listening. Feel free to vent too.