(Closed) Realized I still resent FI for the long wait :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 51
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@HeartsandSparkles:  the way I see it: 5 years from now, if you see a wedding show or stalk the bee or whatever, are you going to be like: “jeez, I’m so sad I’ve only been married 4,5 years when I could have been married for five years!” ?? Or would you rather be like “oh man, all these brides getting to share these special memories with their mom and friends … When all I have is the memory of being said because of planning all by myself. And the memory of only so-so weather when I really wanted a May wedding” 

i understand you would have wanted to be married already a year ago, but that’s already gone out the window, so I wouldn’t always count these two years. It’s really just half a year we’re talking, and to ME, the benefits would far outweigh the waiting. But that’s for everyone to decide for themselves. 

I do understand the desire to move together ASAP though. However, I really don’t get the deal about not moving in before you’re married (here in Germany people would send you to a doctor to make sure everything is fine with you if you were saying you’d want to get married first πŸ˜‰ but spending time on the bee I understand that for some reason this is quite common in the US). so if you’re positive about not moving before the wedding, I’d also rate the November wedding much higher. (BTW, we had moved in after 1,5 years and SO proposed after 7,5 years.)

Post # 52
Member
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@HeartsandSparkles:  

I think you have two options. Either, let go of the resentment by realizing that what’s done is done, that he likely didn’t make you wait to purposely hurt you, and that part of the problem are your personal desires/rules (not wanting to move in, not wanting to wait, moving for a job, etc.) There is no blaming anyone. It happened the way it did because you both played a part in it and now it’s time to let it go and look to the future. 

Or, change your rules. Move in with him before the wedding and push back the date and recognize that in the end, you’ll be married and maybe what’s more important to you is the planning process.

Neither answer is wrong. It just depends what’s more important to you. The rules you’ve set forth or the ability to plan with friends/family.

Post # 53
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

May I ask how long you’ve been together?

I get the feeling of hurt that it took so long for him to ask! We were together for 5.5yrs before my husband proposed and I was starting to get antsy. We got married when we were at about the 6.5yr mark. I see other people getting engaged after way less time than it took us and I’m like ‘well how come that guy felt that he could propose after such little time when my man took forever! Why?!’ But then I think back to the proposal and how AWESOME it was and how happy I was! And our wedding was absolutely amazing – honestly I don’t think weather matters that much, I was floating on a cloud all day and it didn’t matter to me if it rained or not (it was threatening to rain, but turned out it never did). Just be prepared for whatever weather could happen (we bought umbrellas for us and the wedding party as a ‘just in case’). I definitely don’t feel the resentment that I used to because I look at our relationship and how good it is and wonder if people who got engaged after less time than us really know each other as well as we did when we got engaged and married. It’s all in the perspective I guess!

 

Post # 55
Member
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@HeartsandSparkles:  awesome! So sweet thoughtful and romantic! Hopefully this causes you to resent him less and gives you all the wedding planning your heart desires!

Post # 56
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

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@HeartsandSparkles:  That is SO fantastic and amazing! I am so happy for you and your Fiance, I can tell by this surprise that he really loves you, and that you really love him. I’m glad that you’re going to be able to move past this, and grow even more into your love for each other!!!

 

Congrats again!

Post # 58
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@HeartsandSparkles:  Aww, yay!!! So glad for you, thanks for updating us. Hope you can look forward much more now! πŸ™‚

The topic ‘Realized I still resent FI for the long wait :(’ is closed to new replies.

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