(Closed) Realizing that there is no partner for me

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’ve lived in big cities all my life and didn’t meet my Fiance until I was 35. Hang in there! 26 is still really young to be settling down these days. You have lots of time! Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and enjoy your 20s!

Post # 3
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I agree, you still have plenty of time. ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 4
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - Inn On Broadway

 

snowball18:  You’re only 26 (I’m 27) and I think we’re fairly young and still have time to find meaningful relationships and eventually find the one! I was in similiar relationships before where I only dated guys who were basically a-holes and it was hard to date because I also live in a big city (NYC!) and it was so frustrating I thought I would be single forever lol.  But I’m in an amazing relationship now with my Boyfriend or Best Friend (long distance, he’s 6 hours away upstate and we met on match!) and honestly it gets better once you find the right guy! It’s hard but trust me you won’t be alone forever, you will find the one! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee

26 is very young, my friend. I was 38 when I met my soulmate. I, too, went through my fair share of jackasses.

I have friends that live in the Washington, DC and San Francisco areas approaching or at 40 that are having a heck of a time, too. We’ve talked a lot about how dating in big cities are different than dating in suburbs or even different parts of the country. Tinder and a lot of online dating apps are crap, especially in big cities.

Have you thought of: a matchmaker (old-fashioned, I know–but it’s different and worth a shot), meetup groups (there are literally 1000s tailored to every type of hobby/interest–I met many guys in a motorcycle meetup group I joined), quality dating sites (the kind you pay money for–not POF or Tinder or OKCupid or even Match)? These are but a few suggestions.

Don’t lose heart. Dating in this day and age IS different and can be disappointing. I found this to be even more so since I have a great father and stepfather–both from the baby boomer era. I grew up thinking I’d find a man like that quickly–I mean, they’re all like that, right? WRONG. It took me a while to find a man who had been brought up with the “right” morals and values–ones that mattered most to me.

One more piece of advice–whatever you are “vibing” out there is what you will attract. Right now you are disappointed. So it stands to reason you are attracting more disappointments. I would step back and focus on YOURSELF…making you the happiest version of you. I’d submerge myself in all the stuff I love to do and the friends/family I love to be with. When you are HAPPY is when you will attract your happiness!!

Post # 6
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

It doesn’t get worse from here on, it is neither good nor bad, it just is what it is. You’re going to be okay. It is/can be extremely hard. But you are going to be okay.  You are going to persevere and if you have a bad day, that’s okay, just remember that tomorrow is a new day and you can make it a fresh start. 

What helped me through that new chapter in my life, was taking control of it, and making an effort to make myself a happier and more wholesome person. I stopped leaning on excuses, and i started doing the things I always talked about doing. Making an effort to be happy is not easy. But once you make that effort, the rewards are so worth it.

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  fluffykaiju. Reason: clarity
Post # 8
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Finding your partner will happen when it’s right. I would focus on doing the things that interest you. The dating is secondary. You’ll be happier for it, and I bet things will just fall into place. I figured I’d be happily single for the rest of my life. It still blows my mind that I found Darling Husband. 

Post # 9
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

(Warning: long!!)

It sucks to feel this way, and I totally understand you, but it does get better. You’re still young yet. You’re just getting frustrated.

I met and started dating my ex-husband about ten years ago, when I was 21. Married at 27, separated and filed for divorced at 28 (a long story in itself, but suffice it to say I didn’t want the divorce). I was devastated.

Discovered I was disgusted with the current state of dating (it’s all about the text game, and many men seem to lack any follow-through). Met a guy who seemed to be wonderful, would go out of his way to do considerate things and make a show of affection and attentiveness, but who turned out to have much different relationship values than me. Among other issues, he concealed the fact that he had been (and was still on paper) married AND that an ex-gf was claiming he was the father of her child and suing him for child support.

I share this with you because I think I know where you are with this stuff, and I know it’s hard.

After breaking up with that bf, being 30 by that time, I reconnected with the guy who is now my bf. We have a long history, we were close friends in high school and college, dated briefly and casually in college, then drifted apart. We both knew back then we loved each other, but didn’t want to commit to long distance. And then I met my (ex)husband and all of the above happened. But now we’ve come full circle and we both actually feel it was better that we spent time having other experiences rather than staying together when we were younger. He is now ring shopping. 

(And you know what? My current bf felt EXACTLY the way you do about dating. He was on dating apps and websites and had a string of terrible dates and was getting discouraged.)

Not saying you’ll necessary reconnect with someone from the past, but as the saying goes, we all have to kiss a few frogs, and sometimes the right person comes along at the wrong time.

Hang in there. ๐Ÿ™‚

PS- YOU HAVE STANDARDS, and that is huge. You have boundaries. I am so happy to hear you are moving on from men who treat you poorly or unfairly. I stayed with the first bf after my divorce for far too long, tolerated the shady crap far too long. Not tolerating crappy relationships is an excellent reason to be alone, seriously.

Post # 10
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

First of all, you are YOUNG.  Secondly, it’s a city thing.  I swear the guys that move to the city are there only for big money, big careers or love the Nightlife just a little too much.

No joke, go to the ‘burbs.  That’s where guys that want to buy houses, be closer to family, enjoy quiet nights in move. 

People can challenge me on this all they want, I only know what I know from my own experience Lol

Post # 11
Member
6164 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I kinda did. I was always the single one hanging out with my friends and their SOs. I told myself I was independent (and I was) and I was also lonely and getting scared I’d never find someone I clicked with.

Which is why I went out with my cousin to celebrate our birthdays together. I was dressed down and super casual because we’d been partying all weekend and it was her last night in town before heading back home. I’d just turned 27 and met my Fiance that night. We’ve been together almost 10 years, have a 6 year old and are getting married in 4 months (ACK!).

It’s never too late to find love and build a life with someone (and good for you refusing to settle for poor treatment from those other guys.) You never know who’s headed your way while you’re building your life and enjoying yourself. So focus on doing that- being fulfilled in your life in other arenas so your future sweetheart can see your shine when you meet.

Good luck and best wishes!

Post # 12
Member
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

snowball18:  I was so tired of looking for THE ONE man… i decided to go on one last date before I officially try the ladies (Im bicurious) cause I was done with men…  i was 1 week away from turning 27 when I went on this date… and we have been inseparable ever since…(I moved in with him after 6 weeks of dating) this Friday will be our 4th anniversary since that 1st date and May 13 I turn 31 y.o. and May 17 will be 1 year since he proposed and next sumer we are getting married :))

Post # 13
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I can understand as I was in your shoes almost 3 years ago. But you know what, I was having a blast and my Darling Husband came along while doing so (we met through mutual workmates at a work after-party). As they say, your match in heaven will come when you least expect it. So expect the unexpected girl! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 14
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

snowball18:  26 is young to give up on love.

But just something to think about but maybe it is your expectations rather than the guys that are “wrong”. I find that some women have this romantised image of what love, boyfriends and relationships are supposed to be which, outside of books and movies, is unrealistic.

Post # 15
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

Didn’t meet my Fiance till I was 27. Not that big of a deal. 

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