(Closed) Really aggravated – Chaplain inviting random people to the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 3
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d say yes to standing/sitting in the back at ceremony, but no to the reception. Because you shouldn’t have to pay for a random persons meal.

Post # 4
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

Wow, that does seem really out of line, especially give the intimacy of your wedding. I would use that as grounds to say “no” to this very strange request. Maybe say something along the lines of, “Our wedding is going to be a small and intimate event with only our closest family and friends. As I’m sure you can imagine, inviting several strangers will change the tone and dynamic of our wedding, and so we say no to these additional guests.” You might also mention money – if these people are coming to the reception as well, I imagine you’d have to pay to feed/seat them, and I certainly wouldn’t want to do that for six strangers!

Post # 6
30 posts
  • Wedding: February 2013

I feel your pain.  I am in a similar situation, but my wedding is in February.  We haven’t been engaged a month and we already have family asking if they can bring a random date, a friend or an entire family as guests.  We are shocked at the audacity.  People have no shame! lol But I guess we can’t blame them for asking.  They are asking and that’s better than them just doing it.

What my fiance and I decided to do may or may not work for you, but here’s what we did:  We told them that our dream wedding consists of a small wedding with ONLY our closest family and friends.  We added that we have had multiple requests from various guests asking if they can bring a guest or 2.  (This is a little white lie, but my fiance and I can live with it).  We continue to say that to be fair, we are saying no to everyone’s requests because we don’t want to show preferential treatment.  Finally, we end with how bad we feel and how sorry we are to say no because “we really wish we could say yes to YOU for all that you’ve done for us.  But we are so grateful to you for being so understanding of our decision.” So far, this seems to work…we have had everyone be supportive and understanding.  No drama!

I agree with your mom that we need to pick our battles, but having who we want at our wedding is a big deal to us.  We should be able to invite who we want and people just need to deal with it.  Those who really care about us will understand and not take it personal if they can’t bring a guest.  However, my fiance and I have accepted the fact that we might just hurt somebody’s feelings, but that is not our intention.  Someone may get upset, talk about us and maybe even decide not to come to the wedding.  We have both decided that we are ok if this happens.  We cannot control other people’s reactions and we are not going to try.  We cannot please everyone either.  We are very nice to everyone when we deny their request and I think you guys should be too.  My advice is to use your sweetest and apologetic voice but take a united stand or they will walk all over you.  We are not mean or harsh people, so I hope you get what I’m saying.

Seriously, I wish you guys the best in whatever you decide to do!  Good luck and I hope our story helps you in some way to figure out what is right for you!

Post # 9
1430 posts
Bumble bee

Glad you got it resolved. That is a strange request with any size wedding but especially such a small intimate one. Usually people who ask things like that have never planned a wedding themselves so they just don’t get it.

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