Post # 62
wow. time to step back and realize the drama is not worth it! how about just put her in the same dress as the other BMs and be done with it. pay for her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and ask for the money owed. i realize that’s not the tradition, but isn’t your sanity worth bending the rules a little bit? no one’s going to walk away from your wedding thinking “gee was that awful, the Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t even have a special dress”.
my Fiance is american and i’m chinese, and the traditions of who pays for what are totally opposite. it can be pretty distressing, but you just have to have open conversations with everyone and learn to compromise.
Post # 63
thank you. I really appreciate your advice and I agree shes not contributing to the wedding so why do i have to listen to what she says? again thank you for your advice 🙂
Post # 64
thank you for your advice rosewater7!
Post # 65
She has the freedom to wear whatever she wants.. she would have bought a dress anyway because my fiance is her brother. im not forcing her to spend a lot of money and honestly she has no obligation at all. Unfortunately, i get the sense that you have not been reading the replies nor do you understand the full picture..
i told her she doesnt have to throw me a bridal shower or a bachelorette party instead I ask that she pay for her own dress. a dress she picks out on her own and would have bought even if she wasnt the Maid/Matron of Honor.. so no i dont see your point
Post # 66
thank you for your advice glasses that is a very diplomatic approach to the problem! lol and i agree i do feel like she is being stingy and it can be annoying.
In my culture the Maid/Matron of Honor pays for the brides hair, shoes, bouquet, she buys expensive gifts throws a HUGE bridal shower I am not expecting her to do that nor have I told her about it. Lets be realistic her although she does work she goes to school too which can be a huge financial expense. I told her she doesnt have to throw a bridal shower or even a bachlorette party. I told her she pretty much just needs to show up wearing whatever she wants to wear. I dont see how I am asking for too much here. really..
Post # 67
Post 1: not wear the same dress as the Bridesmaid or Best Man and I made that very clear to her.. that I would like her to wear something more extravagant.
Post 11: she gets to pick her own dress! i am giving her the ultimate freedom to pick whatever she likes
So if she wanted to wear a simple dress she already has, or even the same dress from the engagement party would that be okay? If so, fine.
If it needs to be an extravagant fancy dress, then the money may be an issue. I would not have expected to buy a new dress for my own engagement party, so while it was nice of you mom to loan her money, it may have been that she was not expecting to need a fancy dress for that event?
I would just let you mom and her handle the money for the first dress. You mom loaned it to her (did she know it was a loan?) leave it between the 2 of them.