(Closed) Really bad waiting day yesterday, feeling ashamed..

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MisfitPrincess: I am so sorry you are feeling so defeated, but you should not feel ashamed at all!  It is really hard to feel like you are more invested in a relationship than the other person is, and I think that is how many of us waiting bees feel.  Two years after looking at rings together with no action is a long time, so you have every right to feel the way you do about it.  I probably would have been more dramatic and ripped all the pictures up and left them there for him to see. lol.  So by my standards, you did just fine.  I am glad that you feel liberated without the book in the house.  *HUGS*

P.S.  I like your “waiting zilla” TV show idea.  I think it would be a hit!

Post # 4
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Why have you shopped for rings, yet he hasn’t proposed yet? (Sorry, I haven’t gone through your posting history to figure it out). I would have done the exact same thing (regarding the book). Hugs.

Post # 5
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@MisfitPrincess:  ***HUGS***

Sounds like you HAVE been extremely patient, and I can’t blame you for getting rid of that book!  Don’t be ashamed.  You said yourself that it was liberating.  At least the dog was your only witness, so it’s not like you made a huge scene in front of the neighbors or something!

Have you talked to your SO about how this is really making you feel?  I’m not judging him, you, or your situation, but I would absolutely be hurt if we picked out a ring and years later, he still hadn’t proposed.  You’re a much more patient woman than I, that’s for sure! 

Post # 6
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t be ashamed! I would have done the same thing. (I have.LOL) I hope y’all have a talk to see what’s up.

Post # 7
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

dont feel ashamed hun i think we have all done something like that when we were at our lowest point in waiting. i know i did something simmilar on the year mark after SO took me to the jewlery store to show my the ring he had picked out and the band he wanted for it and yada yada yada. its not a happy feeling to have your hopes raised like that only to have them deflated little by little as times goes on.

Post # 8
11 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t know the background of your relationship.  …. but maybe your other half would consider eloping? jsut the 2 of you go to city hall you where what you want book into a nice hotel and spoil yourselves for a day.

too often weddings become about big cakes and budgets

maybe he feels comfortable where he is without all that stress?


I don’t blame you for feeling deflated

take care of yourself 🙂

Post # 9
235 posts
Helper bee

You do what you have to do, and if it’s thowing that binder out then good for you!

EDIT: It’s pretty annoying when people ask if/when you’re getting married. I can relate. 


Post # 10
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh honey, I’m glad you got rid of that binder! It sounds like it was haunting you from the bookshelf. 


Post # 11
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 1996

wow! good for you! i’m sure you feel more free. you have those happy memories in your thoughts! you have the strength and wait some more. could you possibly ask your SO about it?

Post # 12
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Good for you for getting rid of that binder. You don’t have to be ashamed for that…it sounds like he’s the one dragging his feet right now.

As for your girlfriends who are asking you if/when you’re getting married, be honest with them. Tell them that by them asking doesn’t make you feel any better about your situation, and you’d rather they not ask. It’s like when someone asks a couple when they’re going to have a baby. It’s 100% none of their business and a really rude thing to ask.

Post # 13
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

This totally brought a tear to my eye.  I just want to give you a hug.  I’m sorry you’ve been having a bad waiting day but I think getting rid of your binder was no bad thing.  Hope you’re feeling better soon!!  *Hugs*

Post # 14
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I admire your patience and the fact that you havent hit your boy over the head with that binder – I might have!

I think getting rid of the binder was a good thing. It is allowing you to cleanse all your thoughts and feelings on the matter.

Have you two had a discussion about not getting married, or is it still on the cards? I would just try and get some clarity for the future so you know where you stand with it all.

Post # 15
645 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think what you did was that horrible. Having that binder would bug the crap out of me. I’d want to stare at it all of the time. Right now the best thing for you to do is to not surround yourself by your dream ring. You’ll only keep thinking about it and feeling sad. He’ll ask you when you least expect it. 

Post # 16
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

sounds cathartic to me! no reason to be ashamed.

you went ring shopping in 2009 and there is still no proposal? I don’t blame you for feeling antsy!

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