- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
i’ve been presented with a situation that i am really struggling with… i can’t stop thinking about it and would love for you guys to weigh in and let me know what you might do…
i’ll try and provide as much background information as possible without being too wordy.
All through high school and afterwards, I had a BEST friend… I’ll call her C. In 2008ish we had a really, really ugly falling out. Really ugly. Looking at it with 20/20 hindsight, we both acted pretty awfully. The reasons I was angry/upset with her still hold up to this day BUT I am not bitter or angry anymore, per se. I let it go and have been able to heal. C is still within my social circle and I’ve had to see her at many events in the past few years. I always used to pretend she didn’t exist and I was able to act more normally… I could tell it was hard for her, since I have a much bigger, more dominant personality. So I was myself in these group settings, but she was definitely not.
She got married last year and I happened to have introduced her to her husband. I sent her well wishes on facebook just saying the wedding looked beautiful and I thought of her the whole day and I’m glad she has found happiness. She really appreciated this message and reciprocated last fall when I got engaged.
We had our annual girls Christmas this past weekend and C was there…. and we were acting totally normal/amicable, which was a nice change. It seems we have let go of a lot of the hurt.
Here is where it gets interesting… I was alone in the kitchen and C approached me… she basically said she knows it will never be the same between us but she still loves me and it would mean a lot to her if she could provide my “something borrowed” for my wedding. She offered earrings or hair pins…
I genuinely appreciate the sentiment and am happy to do it if it helps her heal and makes her feel good… I know that asking that must have been difficult/scary. So of course, at the time, I said I would love that. I already have a headpiece and earrings so I thought I could put her hair clips into my bouquet or something.
The problem is… the more I think about it the more I realize I wouldn’t love that. Although I have no bitterness and genuinely wish her the best… I don’t want to be thinking of a past/lost friendship on my wedding day. It just makes me… uneasy. But I’ve been put in a tough spot because I feel like saying no makes me look like I’m NOT over things and pretty much like a horrible person. It also would probably close the door on us ever being acquaintances, at least, again.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO? My instinct tells me I will probably just suck it up and do it. Take the hair clips, put them in my bouquet and have only a passing thought about her on the day of… but am I sacrificing my own happiness on my wedding day to please this person from my past? Ahhh… help.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re my hero. Sorry!