(Closed) really could use some advice….

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like some of your complaints are unreasonable. I don’t see anything wrong with her re-confirming dates with you to be sure you’re on the same page. I also don’t see anything wrong with her asking you to look for items to incorporate into decor. It sounds like you want her to plan the whole thing without any input from you, and she keeps trying to draw you in. She wants to make sure you’re happy as a client.

Maybe you need to sit down with her and say, "Don’t double-check things with me, just do it." But then you run the risk of her doing something you don’t like, then you’ll be peeved at her, so…I’m not sure what to tell you. Maybe you need to email her with a very exact list of "action items" since she tends to respond to your phone calls with emails that don’t address what you’re concerned about. If that doesn’t work, maybe you need to have a very direct conversation along the lines of, "I want this thing planned out NOW," and find out why she hasn’t done it.

Post # 4
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

The whole point of a planner is to reduce stress, and it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s happening. Try sitting down with the contract (or the website) and compare it to what you’re actually getting. A planner should know that popular vendors can book up a year in advance, so it’s important to start booking them now.

Post # 5
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Sorry to say, but I kind of agree with amysue. This is your wedding, not your planner’s. The one valid complaint that you have is that she can’t seem to find vendors that fit your preferences, leaving you to do research on vendors. But re-confirming a date with you? For all she knows, you could have had something come up. I think that’s a very professional thing to do.

But the whole vision of the wedding should be YOUR vision, not the planner’s. As my planner said, "I already had my dream wedding. Now I want to help you have your’s." What about telling her your favorite colors or interests or themes that you’ve seen that you like? Have you given her any guidance at all or is she just supposed to guess as to colors, theme, etc? Maybe you could come up with an inspiration board to help her out. 


Post # 7
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

No prob, ahz – that email is more frustrating than what I imagined based on your original description. I get more of the justifiable "Why can’t she make this happen?" sense that you must be feeling, and I’m sorry if my first response was invalidating.

I guess my only suggestion is to really make clear to her that you don’t want to give much input. Say you want somebody to plan the meetings and make the choices and that you’re worried since the wedding is now less than a year away. Say you appreciate her asking for your input but that you trust her opinions, etc., and ask her if she’d feel comfortable doing that. If not, well…maybe a more truly "full service" planner would fit your needs. At this rate, you might as well be doing it yourself, it seems like. Frustrating for sure!  

Post # 8
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

….after reading all the above. i’m wondering if the planner that you’ve gotten is really "full service" as amysue mentioned.

 I get that your busy and it sounds like you really wanted to give her some general ideas, she present a storyboard of your wedding. you approve or dissaprove and the process is repeated until you are completely approving. Then you show up on the wedding date. happy as a clam.

 i think she misunderstands how much control you want her to have. reiterate it with her…then give her X amount of time to come thru.

If she doesn’t, I would look into getting out of your contract with her.

Hope things get better soon!

Post # 10
13 posts

First off, I am sorry that you are frustrated and getting stressed out with your planner.  I truly believe that your planner would not want to add to your stress and if she is she must be made aware.  It sounds like you have made quite a few attempts to make your point(s) and it hasn’t been taken in how you wanted it to be.  I agree with the other responses, take some time to sit down and really voice your frustrations (again) with your planner and let her know that you felt that she understood what you were looking for from her from your conversation at your first meeting.  I’m sure that she really wants to make sure you are happy, and in doing that, isn’t taking as much as an aggressive "get things done" attitude that you are looking for.  If she is a good planner, she will really take in what you have to say and really step up.  It would be sad if you had to find someone else after having worked with her for the past few months but you need to be happy. The only way to do that is to have everything out on the table with her.  If she’s not able to take on your wedding like you need her to, at least you are finding out now and not on the day of your wedding.  If she is able to step up and make it happen then everyone is happy – let’s hope that this is the case.  Good luck and I really hope it works out for you! 


Post # 11
184 posts
Blushing bee

yes, exactly agree with affaires – she isn’t aggressive enough.  you should still give her a shot (because it will be easier for you than to break the contract) and explain that you want better communication, that you appreciate her good behavior and manners, but you need her to stop holding your hand for everything, so to say.

Post # 12
111 posts
Blushing bee

if you are unhappy – go with your gut feeling, without over thinking and analyzing. alot of times our first response is the right one.

If you dont want to lose the 1/3 deposit, then talk with her – OVERCOMMUNICATE so there is no room for "Oh i thought…" "oh i wasnt sure if…"

Good Luck!

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