(Closed) Really could use some bee support. Baby mamma drama. Ugh.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have similar issues.  I was with you until you said, “Sorry lady, I was doing this whole wedding thing, I can’t babysit your kid too.” At that point I bowed out.

Post # 5
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know exactly what you mean here.

I’m dealing with the before part of this right now–we live across the country from my FI’s son and his son’s mother.  Last week, she out of nowhere, called and screamed at my Fiance for not telling his parents that she was sick almost two years ago.  Granted, she was really sick (like in a medically induced coma) but still.  TWO YEARS AGO.

Fi, to his credit responded with a “why would I tell them?  If you want to maintain a relationship with them, I can’t stop you, but it’s not OUR relationship with them, it’s yours.”

For practical advice save EVERY SINGLE EMAIL.  Put them in a folder organized by date.  Do not reply to her except by email, and save those too.  If you’re going to court, you want all of your bases covered here.

Post # 7
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@frustratedbee:

I am sorry frustrated bee.  I don’t have to go through this, but I can understand why you are upset.  I know that it can’t be easy!  It sounds like you really do care, and are very good to your SS.  It’s unfortunate that his mom probably feels jealous and has decided that she wants your Darling Husband to pay ALL her bills and rearrange your schedule whenever she feels like it!  Sounds like she needs to find a babysitter if she needs a break or something comes up!  Sorry:(  I hope your weekend improves greatly from here. 

Post # 9
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I don’t know how much help I’m going to be, but my first question is, how does your Darling Husband pay child support?  I know some systems use the state as a mediator, so there is no possible way for a mother/father to say the other spouse hasn’t been paying child support (unless they truly haven’t).  If your Darling Husband pays her directly, I can definitely see why you are stressed about having to prove it.  Thankfully, these days, bank records are very easy to come across, so the money going back and forth should be pretty easy to prove.

I’ve had friends on both sides of the child support issue.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend who’s husband truly was a dead beat dad and never paid child support (has gone to jail over it).  And I had a friend who was the father and consistently paid his child support above and beyond what he was supposed to…yet still has to go to court every year because his ex knows she can contest it once per year….It’s a sad situation.

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  I personally have never had to deal with this sort of stress.

Post # 11
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

It really sounds like she is jealous, and acting childish. Or she found out you have money, and now feels like she is legally entitled to it. I’m a little unclear, when did she get pregnant? Did he leave her while she was pregnant with his baby? That could be the cause of a lot of her anger. She sees him stepping up marrying you, and she may have wanted that life with him.

Post # 12
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

My DH’s ex tried to play the same game.  He was totally able to prove he was paying her the agreed amount (they had a signed agreement for how much he would pay, not court mandated).  The same thing happened when we married though, she wanted in on MY money.  Didn’t happen, case was dropped.  I’m still peeved about it, but I know that he is doing what he is supposed to, and if she can’t control her spending that is her problem.  Also Darling Husband told her that maybe if she was so poverty stricken she couldn’t make ends meet with what he was giving her, then maybe he should take full custody.  That shut her up REAL quick, because then she wouldn’t have gotten ANY money (per the contract).

Post # 13
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m also confused about the time line here.  You were with your husband when he found out this woman was pregnant with his baby?  Did he cheat on you?  Did he have a one night stand and then start dating you right away?  I have to agree with the previous poster who was really turned off by your comment about “babysitting your kid”.  Even your follow up response leaves a lot to be desired.  It really doesn’t matter one bit that it may have been the week of your wedding.. your husband’s son should be his NUMBER ONE priority at every moment.  It should never be an inconvenience.  If it was your child together would you be inconvenienced by having to care for him during the week of your wedding?  No, you wouldn’t… and this child deserves to be treated exactly as you would treat a child that belonged to both of you.  If you are truly concerned about this woman’s ability to provide financially for the child then what you SHOULD be doing is suing for full custody so you can provide a reliable and safe environment to your step son but it sounds like that would be too disruptive to the life you and your husband prefer to lead…

Post # 14
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I gotta stick up for the OP here…she didn’t say he wasn’t invited to the wedding, just that they had already agreed that the ex would take SS for that week.  My brother and SIL didn’t take my nephew with them on their honeymoon, and the house was full of guests so it was just easier for his dad to take him that week.  If it was the OP’s child, I’m sure they would have had plans for someone to babysit him that week, and would have been just as upset if that person tried to back out two weeks before.  That isn’t a SS issue, it’s a rude ex-W issue.

Post # 16
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I understand that this is perhaps not the situation that you would have chose for yourself.  But, you chose to stay with this man, knowing that comitting to him would mean comitting to his child.  Since this child was conceived right around the time your met your husband and you are now married I assume you have had an ample amount of time to adjust to the idea.  I absolutely agree that you get to have “bad days”… all parents do.  But even in a post that was meant to be a defense of your relationship with your step son you chose to focus on that things that you and your husband CAN’T do because of him, rather than focusing on the JOY he should bring to both of your lives.  I really do hope this is just a short term reaction to being frustrated with his mother, and not your constant state of feeling towards him (because if it is I promise you he will be able to sense that).  I wish you luck and I do hope that going forward you are all able to work out an agreement that is best for all of you and for your step son. 

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