(Closed) Really depressed after lackluster proposal.

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Sorry, your proposal really made me smile. That’s kind of sweet that he thought up something original to propose with. My DH proposed after work one Thursday night on our loungeroom floor. There was no fanfare, no big speech, and no disappointment because it never occurred to me that his question should be anything more.

In fact, I was so excited that we started looking at venues that night! Mind you, our engagement was a total surprise.

As for the ring, well, you can either accept it or tell him you don’t like it. I would recommend keeping it, at least for a while, because he clearly thought you’d love it as he chose it for you.

Life is rarely as we picture it and you’ll probably learn this once you start planning your wedding. All we can do is accept what we have and try to find the happiness in everything.

P.s. congratulations …. YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!

Post # 3
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

well the Mario thing is cute I think. Are you even excited to be engaged? That happiness should overwhelm your complaint and I get zero of that from your post. Are you sure you even want to marry this guy? I got a lame proposal by your definition I’m sure and I wa over the moon because I get to marry him officially…. I have the wedding to be all dressed up with everything perfect. Dont focus so much on the proposal.

Re the ring… Your time to speak up was at the jewelry store. I doubt you can return after being sized. At this point you can buy yourself another ring (but that would likely be hurtful to him), or deal with it and get a wedding band you love and an e ring upgrade later maybe.

Sorry you’re not happy! I just don’t think it’s a great sign to be nothing but annoyed after a proposal. And not announce it because of it!  I’d spin that around. 

Post # 4
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

I see why you’re disappointed.

My main concern is the ring, of course, because whether he meant to or not, he completely ignored what you told him. That’s not good. Does he ignore you normally? If so, that’s something you need to address before getting married, and not move forward unless/until you see real change.

As for the proposal itself, it sounds like he did try to do something special, but he did so in a way that seemed special to him.

Tell me, what kind of man is your fiancé? Is he normally able to do things that you find romantic and satisfying? Is this proposal consistent or inconsistent with his behavior/actions in the past for occasions like birthdays and anniversaries? 

Post # 5
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
misspix:  I’ll admit, I’d be wondering why my husband proposed with a video game (because it’s not our thing), but it’s possible he thought it was meaningful.  What does the ring look like?  What were your expectations?  Is an upgrade possible?  After 6 years in my 30s I’d just be thrilled the man finally got up the stones to propose.  Are you sure it’s not right because yiur feelings are a bit lackluster?

Post # 6
Member
6575 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Take a break from Pintrest for a while. Most proposals aren’t fireworks and carriage rides, and it’s much easier to be happy if you have realistic expectations on life instead of the over-the-top nonsense the wedding industry makes you think you need. There wasn’t anything wrong with your proposal. You get to control how you react to this and you have the power to let it be a good memory or a bad one.

as for the ring, perhaps a carefully chosen wedding band will solve that problem. 

Post # 7
Member
4077 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Your proposal sounds pretty awesome actually.

The ring thing you need further communication on.

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
misspix:  Sounds like work/early start/ leaving town tarnished what could have been a very sweet low key proposal. Maybe when you’re back from the trip, you’ll be able to enjoy things more and then the 6 year anniversary will give you a romantic boost. I thought the Mario idea was lovely but if my DH dragged me over to play video games when I wasn’t in the mood and I had a ton of work to do, I would probably have had a delayed firework response to it too.

Post # 9
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

You need to take responsibility for not being more specific about the price range of what you wanted him to spend on for your ring.  Just saying “don’t spend a lot of money” is really cryptic and honestly, most men (or women) have no idea what that means.  Hence the cheap promise ring type looking ring. 

Also, a lot of men want to feel like they have a say in what your ring looks like.  It is afterall, an engagement for the BOTH of you and not “this is a grand moment just for the woman to be able to show off for the rest of the world.”  He probably asked his coworkers because he wanted to form his own opinion about what your ring looked like, and not be expected to conform 100% to only what you want.

And I’m saying this as a woman who got a less then stellar proposal (he asked me to marry him when I was lying sick with nausea in bed when he could’ve waited 24 hrs — and all he did was come to bed and simply asked “will you marry me” when I could barely lift my head.  That’s it.  No flowers, no romantic dinner afterwards, nothing.) and my DH chose a ring setting I did not really like and definitely would not have chosen for myself. (I too gave him inspiration pics and he went completely his own way) 

I’m sorry you feel bad about your proposal.  But you will make this situation worse for both of you is you keep dwelling on the negative.  Try to focus on the fact that SO many women would give anything to be in your shoes and have the proposal/ring that you have.  You are one lucky lady who has a man who loves you so much he wants to marry you.  THAT is the only thing that matters at the end of the day.

Post # 10
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your proposal was both absurdly and adorably romantic and totally charmng.

What I find tragic AND depressing is that YOU felt SO COMPELLED to have a choreographed-stereotypical-magazine-FB-overblown-quasi unique EVENT that you allowed yourself to blow what you might have relished as a lovely, GENUINELY unique  moment in the fabric of your life.

I am heartbroken for you, but obviously not for the reason you think I should be.

He loves you, he bought you a ring that HE thinks is YOU, HE wants YOU to be his life mate. All of the foo-fah can’t hold a candle to that.

I guess I’m feeling a little sad about him too.

I often extend “blessings” to posts that I find especially touching.

I extend blessings to you, in the sincere hope that you quickly come to realize how many blessings you have already.

Post # 11
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think your proposal was kind of cute. Maybe you just need to think about it differently. I think proposals that are done in a way that’s unique to the couple are cute and not everything needs to be a big story. 

Post # 12
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

What is it today with all these women complaining about they not Hollywood worthy proposals? Life is not a film. Also, let me be candid: after 6 years be happy he finally proposed!

Talk to him about the ring, and change it to something you like. Simple.

 

Post # 13
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Troll?

bc I think ur proposal sounds cute! I’ve heard worse stories than that.. 

and about the ring I think u should try to love it and then get something a little more your style later on down the road..

what matters is UR love for each other. Not the proposal…

Post # 14
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think your proposal sounds sweet. If you were one of my friends, I’d say “Aww how precious!” Also the insurance thing is totally something my husband would say haha!!

 

But it doesn’t matter what we think of it. If you are dissatisfied then I definitely think you should communicate such. I firmly believe honesty is the best policy. Maybe you can get a new ring and have him redo things on the getaway? But just keep in mind, it won’t be authentic and it may hurt his feelings. You have to weigh your priorities here. Would you rather plan such and have it be as you wanted it? Or would you rather be able to confidently tell people it was all his idea? It sounds like lack of communication or he just really didn’t listen to you. Either way, I can understand why you’re upset. If my husband ignored my wishes, I’d be a little hurt too. Again, I’d maybe communicate your disappointment, at least in the ring. If you have to wear it forever then you should at least like it for one reason or another. Virtual hugs! Let us know how things go ❤️

Post # 15
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You’re proposal was adorable and romantic! Why do women think they need this huge display! It’s unrealistic.

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