(Closed) Really depressed after lackluster proposal.

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

The proposal is a lot of pressure on one tiny moment.  Does he make you feel special and valued on a daily basis? Is he caring and considerate in other ways? Your relationship is more important and more meaningful than a proposal.

Also, why is the ring being resized instead of exchanged? Just like the proposal need not define the relationship,  neither should the ring. Just get something you like!

Post # 17
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I agree with the ohter bee’s here. That proposal sounds romantic and I would be ecstatic either way becuase he asked you to marry him.

Post # 18
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Well…at least he didn’t propose while you were on the toilet peeing.  That one came up on here about a month or two ago.

As for the ring, you need to tell him it isn’t the kind of ring you are looking for.  One of my closest friends got a ring she wasn’t thrilled with when her now husband proposed last year.  She talked to him and they agreed any changes she wanted to make to it she would pay for, but it was very important to him that she kept the same stone so that’s exactly what she did.  She got a rose gold band instead of a yellow gold and she added a halo.  Her wedding band is a simple rose gold band with tiny diamonds halfway around it.  They found a compromise because she told him that she wanted something a bit different (she is also very picky about her jewelry).

My point is, if you’ve been with this guy for 6 YEARS you should be comfortable talking to him about this.  Instead of getting the ring re sized, talk to him about exchanging it for something else that you pick out together.  Otherwise this resentment is going to build and I doubt you would start your marriage off happy…

Post # 19
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
ann.reid.9277:  exactly this. +1000  

The saddest thing of all from your post OP is that you’re so disappointed over the details of your proposal that you’ve lost sight of the true meaning behind it. The man you’re (hopefully! because it’s sadly not coming across in your post) …the man you’re head over heels in love with you asked you to marry him!!!!!!  That right there should be so freaking special that you’re incredibly happy and excited. The Mario proposal sounds cute and sweet and quirky and because the screen didn’t co-operate the first time & he was prob already nervous as hell, he likely blurted out something about insurance out of pure nerves & is kicking himself for it. Please don’t do anything to make him feel horrible about not living up to what you’d envisioned for your engagement.

As for the e-ring, you told him not to spend a lot and now you’re disappointed with the ring he chose. Did you not mean what you said? Or perhaps you and your Fiance have different ideas about what not spending a lot means. I would do as a few other people suggested and choose wedding bands together and you can choose a band that compliments/ accentuates your e-ring.

Post # 20
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Maybe I am old-fashioned but I don’t get this whole “engagement ring has to be what I want” deal. Yes, there are other rings I like, but I am perfectly in love with what I have because its the one he saw and automatically thought of me. 

 

I’m sorry you feel your proposal was lackluster. 

Post # 21
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

My fiance ‘proposed’ to me at lunch, suddenly saying that he thinks we should get married and if I wanna marry him. He didn’t even have a ring (and said we can choose one lyer). In your eyes this would probably be the worst proposal ever. I was over the moon- It was very us, very soontaneous, very low key. 

 

I think what your fiance did was very cute and I’m sure he has put thought into the ring, even though you dont like it. Why does everything have to be like in a cheesy Hollywood movie? That’s not real life. Try to be happy that you’re getting married, literally nobody cares about the proposal (stop worrying what your friends might think)!

Post # 23
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
misspix:  He didn’t propose with the insurance comment. He said it afterwards. He was probably nervous, cut the man some slack.

 

Post # 24
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
misspix:  I find it alarming that just because the proposal didn’t play out the way you’d hoped for and you’re disappointed with your ring, you haven’t told anyone you’re engaged. I think the public ‘proposal story’ and ring pics matter to you more than you’re willing to admit. You’re acting let down and ashamed that you don’t have the romantic proposal story you’d envisioned nor a ring you’re proud to show off, so much so that you can’t seem to muster up any real joy in being engaged.  It’s so sad that this is what it’s come to. Do you even love the guy? You seem more about what other people will think of your sub-par (in your mind) proposal and ring than you do your fiance’s feelings in not announcing an engagement you’re not even happy with, a proposal you’re not happy with & a ring you don’t like.

Post # 26
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybe you should replace the word depressed with sad, because that’s what it really is. I loathe how ppl are “depressed” over this shit. There are ppl out there with real issues that are depressed fighting to get out of bed and
struggling. You’re feeling sad. I’m sorry
That you feel so badly.

Post # 27
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
misspix:  Yes I read where you said you didn’t want a huge display, it just doesn’t ring true. Maybe you didn’t necessarily want a back-up choir and a sky writer, but it sounds like you wanted a proposal worthy of sharing and don’t feel you got it. Did you read the part where I asked you if you even love the guy, because this is all about you and how let down you feel, to the point you haven’t even announced your engagement. You seem ready to argue but not to listen to what anyone is trying to tell you, you’re missing the point of most people’s comments just like you missed the point of your own proposal. I feel sorry for you, you can’t even see how you’re the one ruining it, not your fiance.

Post # 28
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
misspix:  I think the proposal was cute. It’s very different and well thought up. I like that. My proposal wasn’t all crazy either but it was special because he took the time to do something different and thoughtful for me. We were out of town at the time (on a one day business trip for him, not a vacation get away), and after he proposed, we ended up having dinner at the restaurant in the hotel we were staying at after spending most of the day with realtors looking at homes in this new city that we were moving to in a year (for his job). Not to mention we were slightly rushing during dinner because we had to catch our flights home later that night. Nothing fancy at all. Oh, and we went and met up with the realtors about 90 minutes after he proposed that morning, so we hardly had any “alone” time. And, when we got on flights that night, he got on one, and I on another as we were long distance at the time. So I was balling my eyes out that night walking to my terminal. Would it have been great to have been able to spend many days together after basking in it all? Sure. Was it a big deal that we couldn’t? Not at all. We were engaged, that’s literally all that mattered. 

Now, the ring thing, well that, I agree with you on. If he knew the styles that you at least were interested in since you had pictures of them, he should have at least gotten SOMETHING to resemble them, in some way. But from what it sounds like, you’re really disappointed with the ring and I would be too. Do you feel comfortable talking to him about it? Letting him know it’s not your style?

Do you mind posting your ring for us to see? Sometimes a bee thinks it looks a certain type of way, but then it really isn’t as “bad” as it’s made out to sound. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Diamond84.
Post # 29
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
misspix:  The proposal is about him too you know! 

As for the he did it on a day when you were stressed and running behind at work! Are you for real? You said he suprised you to be at home when you thought he wouldn’t be so he obviously planned it out. How on earth was he supposed to know that you had a stressful day at work? Maybe you should have stepped outside of thinking about only you for a minute. He planned a sweet proposal and instead of choosing to use that great moment in life to lift an otherwise bad day, you want to bitch and moan because he didn’t magically know that  you had a bad day at work.

Then you bitch about the timing. Well you had plenty of time between 7pm and 6am to celebrate but no again you made the choice to have a pity party.

I’m sorry but you sound extremely ungrateful for all the effort this man took to plan his proposal to you. If you wanted a specific proposal then perhaps you should have been the one to do the proposing.

Post # 30
Member
805 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
misspix:  You’re going to get a lot of ‘Be happy you’re engaged’ comments, but I won’t be one of them. 

You should, obviously, but it’s difficult to be really happy when your S.O knows what you want/like, and does the exact opposite. I have many friends who have been in this position, and it’s difficult. Because their S.O new what kind of rings they wanted (it had nothing to do with carat size, and everything to do with the style) and the S.O just picked what he liked. While it’s important that they like the ring, I still don’t understand why it’s so hard to just get us the style we want. By not listening, they are showing that either they specifically ignored our wishes, don’t respect them, or don’t care, and neither are good options. The proposal is one thing-if you both LOVE mario than sure, it’s fitting. But if HE loves mario, and you’re ‘whatever’ about it, that’s another smack in the face, and yet again another example of him either not caring, or not knowing (which he could, after six years). 

I’m a blunt girl, and if S.O did this to me, this is what I would say: “I’m so excited to be enganged to you-we’ve both wanted this for such a long time, and I’m so happy I get to marry you. But I have to be honest with my confusion, and I just wanted to know your thoughts on the matter. You picked out a gorgeous ring, and it’s a nice choice-but was there a specific reason you specifically picked a style that I wasn’t very passionate about? It is a beautiful ring, but it’s just not me. Did you think it was?’ By asking him his mindset, it will make him seriously think. Than, because he has to give you an answer, he’ll either think: “Crap, was this really the style she didn’t want? I completely forgot!’ or ‘I liked this style better’. If it’s the later, I hate to use this word, but I’d find it a bit incosiderate that he picked something HE liked, and not something you BOTH could like. 

I would bring something up, but S.O and I are very, very honest with each other, and I know he would want to hear my concerns and worries.

The topic ‘Really depressed after lackluster proposal.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors