(Closed) Really depressed after lackluster proposal.

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 76
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Friendship Plaza

It sounds to me like you have some communication breakdown. Either he’s willfully ignoring your requests, just doesn’t ‘hear’ you, or thinks he’s doing things just fine and doesn’t understand you want more/something different, etc.

There’s this thing called Love Languages, and I know it can sound hokey, but it really makes a ton of sense when you’re trying to figure out compatibility or just how to communicate better and improve things in a relationship. For instance, from a lot of details you give, it sounds like you are someone who likes love expressed to oneself in the form of doing nice things, material things, and being taken out, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. There are some men that LOVE to dote on their wives/gfs this way: they *express* love this way. And: it’s not the *only* love language you may have, you may express it and receive it in a couple different ways.

Anyway, just something to consider… look it up if you like, it may give you some insight. It was a topic my FI-to-be and I discussed as we were dating and courting one another. We liked to talk prettty transparently about all that stuff.. I consider it part of the ‘values’ part of finding out if you share the same values. I think people assume values it just morals and/or religion and/or political preferences, but it’s also what you place priority in a relationship and how you communicate.

Good luck!

 

Post # 77
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Is your man normally a man of few words? I’ve noticed that a lot of really good writers aren’t so good at expressing themselves verbally. One of my college friends married a technical writer. Her engagement story really grossed me out. He just put the ring on her finger while they were watching a movie on the couch and said, “You’re stuck now.” But she thought it was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing about being “stuck with him” forever. I’m wondering if the Mario Maker proposal was an extension of him expressing himself better in writing?

That said, I can relate to that feeling of not being heard. I didn’t realize this until a male feminist mentor called me on my behavior and coached me in communicating more directly, but I had the tendency to express my needs and desires in very vague ways and then get upset when they were misunderstood. He explained that a lot of women are raised to speak this way. Could it be that the same thing is happening with you? Think about how you word things and try to ask for things in as few words as possible, e.g.: “I want a round diamond ring, .25-.5 carat, in 14K yellow gold, excellent cut, VVSI1 or 2 clarity, G-I color. I need you to spend less than $1000 on it.” 

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