Post # 1
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
Our baby will be born in April. I am supposed to start an internship in September. My mother was going to provide childcare for us, but that is no longer an option. My two brothers in their early 20’s still live at home. They are disrespectful, pay no bills, have no sense of responsibility, have drug issues, etc. My mom enables it, then cries to me about how mean they are to her. My husband and I avoid going there because we can’t stand the yelling and screaming. Things were on the road to changing (brother in rehab, family therapy was supposed to start) so we thought things would be ok. But nothing is happening.
I have researched child care for infants, and I don’t like what I am finding. I feel that (for me personally) 5 months is too young for a baby to go to daycare. I honestly feel lucky to even have the ability to make that decision knowing that so many people have no choice whatsoever. And I most definately do not have anything negative to say about people who do have infants in daycare, I promise.
But I am just not comfortable with it. Also this is not a paid internship, and daycare is not exactly affordable. I think I need to cancel my internship and take a year off school.
I have worked so hard in this program to get where I am. I am lucky to have my internship already lined up. This place gave me an amazing opportunity to apply and interview early due to the baby. I don’t want to screw up the opportunity.
I am at a complete loss. My mom is obviously pissed off and hurt that I won’t let her babysit, but I need to protect my baby first.
I just don’t know what to do. I just want my family to change, but that won’t happen.
Post # 3
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
Can you have your mom babysit at your house instead of hers? I think that would make a big difference and might give your mom a much needed break from the chaos over at her house…
ETA: Have you looked into a nanny type situation? My friend is a nanny and works with infants a lot… I think you can hire one through an agency and they tend to have better luck than a day care… Although it might be a bit expensive it’s an option.
Post # 4
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
Do you have any other mom friends? Maybe they would trade babysitting with you? I understand not wanting to leave your infant with a daycare, I didnt want to, either.
Post # 5
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
Do you have any aunts that are retired or maybe cousins that stay at home that wouldn’t mind watching baby for some extra cash?
Post # 6
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
@o0olibelulao0o: I would, but she is too involved in enabling my brothers. She has to drive them everywhere, cook for them, etc. It is crazy. Seriously inappropriate. One brother lost his license, and the other smashed his car. She doesn’t have time to be here for that many hours, unfortunately.
@les105: I do, but a lot of our friends live a minimum of 30 minutes away 🙁
Post # 7
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
@les105: I second this…
Maybe neighbors with kids or if you go to a birthing class or anything with any expectant moms that would be willing to help you out for cheap? My sister has three kids of her own and she baby sits for one of their neighbors kids a few times a week… She loves and treats the baby as her own (as do we when he’s over… he’s so stinkin cute!) that’s always an option as well.
Post # 8
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
I second those that are suggesting having your mum babysit in your home or getting a nanny. Cancelling teh internship seems extreme IMO.
Post # 9
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
@Moja Milosc: I am going to talk to my husband about his mom babysitting. She is the next physically closest person, though still 45 minutes away each way. But no other relatives live any closer.
Post # 10
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
@o0olibelulao0o: Childbirth classes or a mom’s group might be a great way to meet other local moms. That could work.
I think a nanny is out of reach, price-wise.
Post # 11
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
I wish my mom babysitting here was an option, but it can’t be. I really wish she could so badly.
Post # 12
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
@heathaah: if you have a midwife or your doctor even can reccomend some local groups or something… They might even know of some mom’s who would be willing to do that.
Post # 13
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
@heathaah: None of these options are ideal but it’s short term and I think it’s worth it to get your internship done and get that degree. I think it’s smart not to count on your mom for this, although very disapointing.
Post # 14
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
@heathaah: You also could try for a nanny share which is what I’m gonna do. If you meet a womens group or people in a childbirth class you could split the cost of a nnay who would watch both kids…
Post # 14
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
Is this internship a full-time position? Also, how flexible is your husband’s job? Is it possible to approach your internship supervisor/director and ask for flexible hours, or is this something that is set in stone?
I’ll be the first to admit that I was VERY against daycare, especially in-home daycare, when I was pregnant with Addie. However, our situation changed, and now Addie attends the most wonderful daycare (an in-home facility at that!) full-time, and will continue attending a couple days a week even after I quit work. My final suggestion would be to look into what is actually available in your area; not all daycares are created equal, and unfortunately some really bad facilities bring down the image of the whole group. As someone who had similar views to yours, I would just say to keep an open mind until you find out what is actually available to you. You never know what you’ll find. 🙂
Post # 15
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
@heathaah: have you spoken to yout mother about how your famlies behaviour is what is preventing you from letting her babysit?Maybe talking to her about the why,might spur her into action. See if you can come up with an action plan,and if she follows through,and your brothers do the same then you would be more comfortable allowing her to babysit.I know theres seems a lot that they all need to do,but a lot of progress can be made from now to september.
Also I know you have probably done this already,but maybe talk to your people at the internship,is there any possibility that the company offers an on site creche or daycare?