(Closed) Really don't want to elope at the court house

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

(obvious answer) talk to him. 

If you’re going to be married, you’re going to have challenging conversations and compromise in your marriage. Better get used to it now.

And for the record, a wedding’s primary purpose isn’t to be a do-over for a formal dance you didn’t attend.

From your post, you sound incredibly young. If you can’t communicate with your partner and are mostly concerned about looking pretty, you may want to reconsider getting married.

Post # 3
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I think you should talk to him & compromise somehow/ reach an understanding. I understand where you’re coming from. We’re doing something similar for a variety of reasons, with money being a big factor. I started feeling regret realizing that (ideally) I’ll never be married again and there goes my chance to look like a princess and openly celebrate my new life with friends and family. But my SO reminded me that spending so much money (for us it’s <$500) on one day is crazy and that we could always renew our vows later with a nice ceremony. 

For us though, we’re both 23 and just starting our careers. We both have some debt and want to max our retirement savings and save up to buy a home in a high COL area. 

I was disappointed, but I got over it. I much rather be ahead financially. We just couldn’t swing it in the time frame we wanted to if we did a wedding.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by skplue.
Post # 4
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
AshleyKing930:  If looking fabulous is your main motivation for a having a wedding and ceremony, then get yourself a baller dress, get your maekup and hair done,  and hire a photog for a court house wedding. Look up court house weddings on A Practical Wedding–  those couples bring all the style and glam, usually with a fairly reasonable budget.  It will up your overall price (good photogs can be really pricey, so you might hit that 2-4k you were looking to spend). 

If you want a wedding and reception because you want several/many people, decor, food, and beverages, then the above won’t work for you, and you and Fiance need to talk about what you both want out of the day.

Post # 5
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I too never went to prom so fi has almost insisted that we do a ceremony where I get to be a princess instead of just going to the courthouse. We too are eloping but at a chapel in Vegas. i expressed that this was my only chance to experience something like this so he wants to ensure I get that chance. 

i hope that you speak to OH and see if a compromise can be made. Every bride deserves that “beautiful bride” experience if it can be done to where both sides are happy. 

Post # 6
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I wouldn’t equate goignt o high school dances to a wedding, but then my experiences were *interesting* to say the least. You can wear whatever you want to a courthouse wedding, from jeans to ballgown. Go bananas. And post pics! If you want more then find out both of your priorites, compromise and figure out how to pay for it. A wedding is a rediculously expensive day. The end result is the same. It should still be special though

Post # 7
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

One piece of advice I’ve seen a lot for wedding planning is for both people to pick the top three things that are the most important to them. I would suggest you and your fiancé do that then talk about the results.

Post # 8
Member
3258 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m in a similar boat. I simply explained to him that I think the courthouse is a gross, icky, unromantic place. You can elope anywhere! So why in a government building, of all places?! 

So we are going to go to the beach. Mom is officiating so we don’t have to pay for that. I have a good camera so my Maid/Matron of Honor will take the photos. We are essentially eloping, but immediate family can come if they want to. We said we will pay for food afterwards if they come. It’s about a 4.5 hour drive. No chairs, no need for a permit. I looked up “beach wedding no chairs” and found that people some times lay down a large sheet with a few pillows. Ta-da! Our cheapo beach wedding. All we are paying for is our hotel room and food while we’re there for one or 2 nights. And I literally planned it all in a day. 

Tell him how you feel. Seriously, you can elope anywhere! At least go to a local lake. 🙂 Good luck! 

Post # 9
Member
315 posts
Helper bee

If you want the whole shebang, you need to talk to your fiancé about why.  Your wedding day is a big day!  Everyone I know that went courthouse regretted the decision.  Explain that your wedding day is something you dreamed of as a girl.  It doesn’t have to cost much to be beautiful! 

Post # 10
Member
40 posts
Newbee

My Fiance felt the same when we got engaged in Feb 2015. He wanted a courthouse wedding with like 6-8 guests, which I definitely didn’t want. I decided to sit on it (not plan, not push to set a date, just enjoy being engaged for a while), knowing that eventually the time would be right to move forward. In October he told me he wanted to set a date and start planning, and also wanted a ceremony and reception! 

In my case, I think we weren’t entirely on the same page when we got engaged (I pushed for him to propose). Pulling back and letting him take some control helped- he was also worried about the money, but eventually decided that he wanted a wedding, too. 

You might want to think about pulling back for a little while – maybe not as long as I did, but for two months or so, then having another conversation about it. 

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