Post # 1
I have posted in the past, just to bring you up to speed: I have 6 Bridesmaid or Best Man and I gave them a January deadline to order their dresses for our June wedding. 5 of the 6 girls all ordered their dresses promptly. The last Bridesmaid or Best Man is someone who isn’t really friendly with the rest of the group, and honestly we’ve drifted apart over the last year. We just have different lifestyles- no judgements, we just flat out went down different roads and don’t have as much in common anymore. I know people drift apart and that’s life. So come February, she assures me she is going to order the dress. She did break up with her boyfriend and said work is crazy and she works too much. Since early Feb., she’s given me about 6 excuses as to why she can’t order the dress. Car broken, too tired, work stressing her out, lost her wallet, too tired, crazy life, etc. I do see on her FB that she does go out to clubs every weekend and is planning a trip to Florida at the end of the month. I happen to know money isn’t an issue. I have been patient and understanding, but now I am starting to get aggravated.
So here we are: wedding is about 3 mo. away, all the other girls’ dresses are starting to come in and they are planning alterations. They are all touching base with me (except this one BM) about details, accessories, and just life in general! (I try not to ALWAYS talk about my wedding!) I hardly hear from this friend who hasn’t ordered her dress. I called the salon this morning to see if she ordered it yet, and they told me no. They said it’s the busy season for them, so at this point she will have to order her dress “rush” and pay extra.
I was talking to one Bridesmaid or Best Man this morning and spilled everything out to her. She said “it’s obvious she has a lot going on, just ask her to step down. No hard feelings, she can just come as a guest” She also said I shouldn’t have to stress whether her dress will come in on time or if she’ll have enough time for alterations etc. We are having an uneven bridal party anyways, so I am not worried about numbers.
I didn’t consider asking her to step down before now, but now I am tempted to ask her to just come as a guest since she seems to have a lot going on. I know this could end out friendship, but I am starting to feel that if it ends I don’t even know that I’ll mind.
IDK, I know BMs can flip out, be mad, and it could end our friendship when you ask them to step down. Any advice? I’ve read so much of these posts and I can’t believe I am posting one about her possible stepping down now. Thanks
Post # 3
I think you should. Your BMs should not be making your wedding any more stressful than it is!!
Post # 4
Do it! I’m doing that today with my FH’s second cousin who I reluctantly put in my bridal party, only because one of my friends is on FH’s groomsman side so we kept it fair by putting his closest cousin on my side. My Maid/Matron of Honor and other bridesmaid both have the dresses in their hands and have bought their shoes, and constantly text or call me about things they want to help with for the wedding. FH’s cousin, however, has not set foot in a David’s Bridal yet, when I have been begging her for 3 months, and she just got back from a trip to Myrtle Beach. Money is tight for her usually, but if she can go to the beach, plus she posted a status about how she hopes her tax return comes in.. so she can go shopping!!.. she should have already been able to order her dress.
I’m having FH call her and explain to her that we have enough on our plates without having to constantly hold her hand through the process. She’s 18, airheaded, and doesn’t really seem to understand the stress she’s putting on me and FH because she’s in her own LaLa Land.
No bridesmaid should make your wedding more difficult! They’re there to HELP you! Boot her..but nicely (:
Post # 5
Have you talked to your Bridesmaid or Best Man about feeling distant from her and your worries that maybe she doesn’t want to be part of the wedding? I think a conversation like that should come first before asking her to step down.
Post # 6
Just wanted to update! I reflected a little more, and I was pretty sad but I realized that this friend has changed so much, and honestly, I really can’t stand the person she’s become the last couple months! That being said, I decided to have a conversation with her, asking her to come as a guest, due to the fact that she waited too long to order her dress. I knew that she could be mad and it could end our friendship, but I decided if that were the case I would be okay with that.
I gently told her that I spoke with Alfred Angelo, and it’s too late, and I understand she wasn’t able to order it due to various reasons (tons of excuses, but I left that out),but she is still welcome to come as a guest to the wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette, etc.
She got very bitchy at me and told me it wasn’t her fault that she lost her wallet, etc and all these excuses and said she “guesses she sees my point, so have fun.”
so needless to say we haven’t spoken, she didnt say sorry or anything and just told me to “have fun.” so I am assuming she isn’t interested in coming.
I was pretty sad how it all went down, but a couple months later I feel really relieved! She was actually causing me a lot of stress and I feel a huge burden lifted 🙂
Post # 7
@HeLovesDogs: I’d have a hear to heart with her, and just ask. also my bridesmaid dresses (and my own) aren’t even going to be here until 2 weeks before the ceremony. so I’d think there is still time to get it ordered for a June wedding.