(Closed) Really Hurt by friend

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Hmmm. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend. Is this behavior totally out of the blue?

Post # 4
151 posts
Blushing bee

@Happybee1985:  Well, you cant stop someones shitty attitude. (sorry about that!) So I think you are just going to have to ignore her, and try to have compassion- she feels left behind while her peers are getting married and having babies. Thats not a great feeling. Remember that compassion when you hear stuff through the grapevine and just pre emptively forgive her and let it go (its better for your health). Really those people shouldnt be tattling on her- it just makes you feel bad!

She wont spoil anything. Im sure people see it for what it is. Advise your BMs to just ignore her comments and have pity because shes having a hard time.

As for your reading, give her an out. Have a coffee together and ask her how shes feeling about the wedding events. Ask her if shes enjoying it at all? ANd shell probably say oh yah sure. You can say then, “well good, I just want to be sure what I’m asking of you isnt stressing you out. If you dont want to do any activitiy like the bachy party or the reading just let me know! Its not a big deal, I dont want to burden you”

Then shell feel bad for being negative because YOU are being so KIND.

Really, just give her a pass- she isnt saying anything terrible about you personally, just being a grouch because she feels inadequate.




Post # 5
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Happybee1985:  You’ll need to confront this behavior ASAP. I’d start by asking her out to dinner and asking her what’s going on with her lately. This may be solved by simply listening to her.

Is there a chance she has some things going on in her life that are upsetting right now? I always try to remind myself to veer on the side of compassion when it comes to friends and family. Not saying it always works out that way in my head, but it’s a good policy.

Post # 6
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@Happybee1985:  Maybe call her up when you have some time to talk and really focus on her? Say something like, “Hey, I feel like we haven’t really talked in a while. How are you? How are things?” And then listen. Either she’ll tell you something that will help you understand what’s going on with her and feel some sympathy for her — or she’ll tell you something that will make it clear she’s not going to be nice to you any more for whatever reason, in which case you’ll know it’s time to step away.

Post # 7
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think if you do confront her, just be honest and don’t do it in an agressive way. Tell her you do not appreciate her comments. At the end of the day, if she acts like that, do you really want her involved? You may want to reconsider even having her there.

You bachelorette party sounds really fun, by the way!

Post # 9
107 posts
Blushing bee

@LovelyCoCoBee:  +1000

@Happybee1985:  What you’re hearing is hearsay.  Maybe everything is being taken out of context.  (For all we know the newborn mother bridesmaid is spiteful that your friend can go out, while she’s stuck at home with a crying newborn.)  I don’t think you should confront her until she does something hurtful to your face and even then show some compassion.  She’s just upset about her own life and you’re happy.

Post # 12
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Happybee1985:  You need to talk to her immediately. If she has been a friend for 15 years then it is worth the chat. I know it is painfully awkward to be put in that spot but you never know what could be going on to cause her to act that way. I lost a ten year relationship with one of my girlfirends and never really tried to confront her and figure out where things went wrong. I regret not trying to talk it out.

I had so many friends and FAMILY treat me poorly after my engagement. Girls just don’t like to see other girls happy sometimes, especially when they themselves aren’t engaged. (I even had several people delete me from facebook because of the engagement and wedding)

Not only will you feel better by expressing your feelings to her, I also think you will feel more secure in making wedding plans. Just keep in mind she may not recieve this talk well, and that is okay. At least you got it off of you chest!

Post # 13
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Happybee1985:  Do you think that maybe she is more upset with the fact that she isn’t a bridesmaid rather than upset that you’re getting married? She’s a friend who is doing a reading and was asked to help with a bachelorette party when she isn’t even part of the wedding party.

I think she is more bitter about not being a bridesmaid, even if she claims she isn’t. I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that she’s single. I want to add that it doesn’t validate her havig shitty behavior or being a bad friend, but just suggesting that’s more than likely why she is bitter. I’d ask her what’s going on, and if she can’t give you a good answer then maybe she shouldn’t be invited or included.


Post # 16
1233 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

What she’s doing really sucks. I just hope you remember she has been your friend for 15 years.  I have no clue what’s going on in her life in terms of work, relationships, family, but it doesn’t sound like she is in a good place.  Maybe she’s depressed that all her friends are moving on and getting married and having babies, while she feels lonely?  I imagine it would be very hard to go to a wedding without a date, and be asked “When is it your turn next?”.  Maybe this isn’t the time to ask her why she isn’t jumping in to your wedding plans, but help her though a difficult time.  

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