(Closed) Really icky situation. Grrr.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s not the friends’ fault I don’t think. If anything it’s the mom and cousins’ fault since they knew the surprise was the same weekend. I mean, honestly, the friends COULD HAVE sucked it up and just “shared her” for a weekend, but since money is tight and they can only afford to come once, wouldn’t the bride rather them throw a fun shower anyway? I can understand her perspective – she would have family and friends all in one place for a weekend and that’s a rarity – but personally that would be overload for me and I’d prefer it to be separate. As for the Fiance, he sounds like a drama queen.

Post # 4
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Wow, I totally agree the bride and groom are totally over reacting.  Was the bride at least grateful for the nice gesture from the friends for planning this whole thing?  I think the fiance especially needs to step back and let things go on this, it’s just dress shopping, there will be more trips to the dress shop.  And on the brighter side, now there are plans for a bridal shower.  Sorry you are in the middle of all of this, maybe you can have the bride understand that the costs for the friends is too much for such a busy weekend? 

Post # 5
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

I feel horrible for the friends….In this case I am sorry to say that I think the bride is being selfish!  I have been put in situations where I needed to decide whether to spend time with family or friends and have found it difficult to give fair attention to all.  I would think that she would be happy to have them plan for a separate weekend. This would mean more fun spread out over time.  Rather than having to cram it all in in one weekend where she might not enjoy her company as much.  I say that her friends are def not wrong in this….I can understand her being upset, but she already has guests coming up.  It would not be fair to the friends to take such a trip when they may be ingnored the whole time.

Post # 7
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Why on earth is the Fiance getting involved?  That just sounds weird to me.

But I think the friends made a good call – sometimes people simply don’t have infinte time/energy/money for trips out of town (much less to an expensive city!).  Maybe the bride needs a wakeup call in terms of what she expects from her friends, yes its nice to have them there, but in no way should she expect them to drop everything for multiple trips.

Post # 8
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

How do the friends not coming “ruin” the weekend with the family? I just don’t get it.  I think the bride and groom and over-reacting, and if they had a fantasy that everyone would be in town at the same time, they should handle their disappointment a little more maturely.

Post # 9
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ditto. The bride has probably yet to learn that smaller groups= more personal time and attention with said group. She’s probably also really disappointed and taking it out another way. Methinks perhaps there’s something else going on from the angle of the family.

Post # 10
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Attack of groomzilla?  Then again, maybe he’s actually angry at his Future In-Laws for the way their inattention is making his Fiance feel, but since he can’t go to town on them he’s blowing his top at the friends instead?

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

The bride and groom have unrealistic expectations of other people – not all that uncommon.

On the other hand if this trip by the friends was for the bride’s benefit as I assumt it was and the bride wanted them to come up anyway why couldn’t they have sucked it up and done it?  Yes they would not be able to come again later.  But if the event was about the bride they should do what she wants.

Post # 13
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It never ceases to amaze me how weddings and wedding planning do really weird things to people. They come out of the woodwork, they elicit emotions and opinions that come out of nowhere, it’s just odd.

Post # 14
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It is not the friends fault at all! It is very reasonable for them to want to spend some quality time with the bride, and if they can only take one trip up there, then they should do it when her family isn’t there so that she isn’t trying to please everyone at once. The Fiance and bride are over reacting badly.

Post # 15
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yeow!  I think the groom is overreacting and likely seeping onto the bride.  It sounds like the groom wants everything to be perfect – which is sweet, but not when you start alienating friends!!!

I think bride & groom need to step back, appreciate what they have, and reassess expectations.  The friends have their boundaries (both financially and the type of weekend they want with the bride) and the family needs to make their decisions accordingly (even if they come dragging their feet).

I think we all (brides to be) have certain expectations of how we think people should or will react – and, then when they don’t – we are disappointed.  This could be everything from wanting people to be as excited as we are, to planning parties, or to liking our decisions.  That said, hopefully the groom hasn’t been so vocal as to ruin the friendship with the friends… and hopefully everyone can just take this with a grain of salt and move on.  

The weekend will not be ruined and if the bride doesn’t realize that – then she’s the one that’s missing out.

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