(Closed) Really irritated with MIL…

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You girls stick together! Fortunately, I can’t relate, bcs my Future Mother-In-Law is a very lovely, unassuming, polite woman who doesn’t overstep. 

I’m humorously imagining her towing these eight people into the hospital to visit you hours after you give birth. Get ready to set some visitor boundaries when that moment comes!

Post # 3
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Has your Fiance never mentioned how inconsiderate this is to her?

(Good on your SIL!!! SHe must have balls!)

Post # 6
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sounds like you have a great SIL! I’m glad she stood up for you.

And on another topic, if your Mother-In-Law is that pushy I would strongly consider waiting to tell her until after the baby has arrived. She sounds like she would easily be the type to strong arm her way in earlier than you’d like.

Post # 7
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

I can relate because my wedding was turning into that. Future Mother-In-Law was secretly inviting ppl and Fiance and I weren’t supposed to know, despite us paying for EVERY PENNY. Our solution? Cancel the wedding and were eloping. Future Mother-In-Law isn’t speaking to us now 🙂

good for your SIL for sticking up for what you want. Sometimes you have to just stick to your guns and wait for her temper tantrums to subside! 

Post # 9
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Part of me is sympathetic to these Mother-In-Law situations (but ONLY when Mother-In-Law is paying!) because come on, they just want to host a big party and to show you off/see all their friends and fam. How did it hurt you for a distant fam member to come to the bridal shower and not know right off that you are the bride? Didn’t you then introduce yourself and thus benefit from meeting a new fam member? And now that you know the people from the wedding shower, can they not be welcome at the baby shower? I understand wanting an intimate party sometimes, but these big-deal type of family events, babies, weddings, are how extended families keep in touch.

It is your wedding and your baby, so you have the right to make it all about you if you choose. But sometimes it’s nicer and more generous to let it be about other people as well, like Mother-In-Law and extended family.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  ohnatto.
Post # 10
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

My Future Mother-In-Law does the same crazy thing re: invites – she literally sent me a list of almost 140 people I “had” to invite to our 115 person (TOTAL) wedding!! She’s been incredibly passive-aggressive and bent out of shape ever since. I’m sorry she’s making your life so difficult! Just make sure your Fiance is supporting you and acting as a go-between – he should be the #1 wrangler for in-law issues. Good luck with everything!

Post # 11
128 posts
Blushing bee

OMG that sucks. I would suggest to start learning to say no to her though as I would suspect it will only get worse after your baby is born. Especially since it’s the first. 

My SO’s mom has been like that in the past (not to your MIL’s degree). But for instance when I was pregnant with my oldest they (his mom, sister and aunt) were trying to pressure my SO to “open the book” to name him (Hindu religion/tradition) and as my SO wasn’t really into his family’s religious traditions, plus I’m French/Irish with no religion, and we had picked out a name for our first born about 5 yrs before we even got pregnant, he said no. As soon as he left the room they turned to me and started asking me if I would want to do it. And told them all that it’s his family’s tradition and if he doesn’t want to do it I’m not going to pressure him into it. And try backed off after that (thankfully cuz I wasn’t really into The process as it had been explained to me as best as my SO could explain it). 

But you will have many many more instances of her pushing her will on you with the new baby. Practice puting your foot down for smaller things with your Mother-In-Law and then work up to the bigger things that will more than likely pop up after baby comes and you are tired and stressed with the new baby. 

Post # 12
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

missjewels:  I just don’t understand this either and I too would be super annoyed. One of my biggest pet peeves is having to make small talk with people I barely know, especially when that comes at the cost of time I could have spent with people I know we’ll and truly care about!! I love that your SIL stuck to her guns.

What I ALSO DON’T understand though is why all these people want to attend events celebrating the milestones of someone they barely know. Attend baby shower, buy gift and sit around talking baby with strangers?? No thanks! I’ll never get it.

If people want an excuse to host a party for all THEIR friends, then host one. Don’t hijack an event that should be about the guest of honor who may not feel like spending that event with a bunch of strangers.

Post # 13
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m first taking from this how awesome your SIL is! Seriously, go her. 

As for your Mother-In-Law that’s rough. I just think there are times where the husband needs to step in. That’s too much. “We’ll just not tell her” makes my blood boil. As if you wouldn’t notice on the day?!

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