- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
What do you know? Another vent about ILs!
Background – my husband is 30 years old, an only child. We’ve been together about 9 years, married in September 2012. His parents are very needy, can’t seem to accept he’s an adult and has a family of his own now (called us on our honeymoon – TWICE!). And they’re plain odd. Mother-In-Law has no filter, is very critical of everyone, including her own family. Father-In-Law is manipulative and can do no wrong is his own eyes.
So even when we were dating they were weird. But it got REALLY weird after we got engaged. My Mother-In-Law has had a really bad habit of calling me the wrong name since I’ve known her. And I’ve always been “accidentally” called either her ex-SIL (who she has this AWFUL history with, they hate each other and she blames her for “stealing her brother away”). I’ve also been called her current SILs name (who in my MILs own words is “selfish”). Nice, right? In addition to being called the wrong names, my Mother-In-Law loves to bring up my husband’s ex-gf, from when he was a teenager. He was 17 when they started dating.
Myself and my husband have spoken to her numerous times over the last 9 years and have told her to knock it off. She knows my name, his ex-gf wasn’t that big of a deal, not to mention it’s been 13 years since he dated her, 9 years since I’ve been in the picture… plus, it’s just inappropriate.
Among the issue with dropping names, my Mother-In-Law has suggested we beat our dog, that our house is small, our house smells like cat pee (we don’t have cats), and a slew of other rude, inappopriate comments. I generally just ignore her. But, she finally pushed me to the edge and I snapped.
This past Christmas we were enjoying our time together. Then… she dropped the ex-gf’s name during breakfast. I was pissed as was my husband. He told her “Mom, you have to stop doing this.” She pretended she had no idea what he was talking about. I was still fuming mad the next day so I called her and basically laid her ass out. I yelled at her. I told her she better get with the program, that me and her son are married and I’m not going anywhere. She started playing the victim, her go to defense – “I can’t do nothing right” and “I can’t believe my son would speak to me that way” (referring to him telling her to knock it off) and “I’m just not going to speak around you two anymore, I’ll just sit there and keep my mouth shut.” This makes me crazy. If you fuck up, then nut up, and take responsibility. I told her to stop playing the victim because “you’re not the victim… your son is the victim because you are constantly putting him in a position to defend me.” I told her “I’ve been with your son for 9 years and I’d prefer not to hear about his ex.” She told me “Well, they were together for 6 years.” First, it’s plain old untrue. Second, what is this? A pissing contest? I married to him for chrissake!
So it was ugly. But, we spoke several weeks later. She never apologized but I figured, whatever, can’t draw blood from a stone. We put it to bed. Fair enough, right? Nope, now Mother-In-Law and FIL are getting their panties in a twist. They told my husband that “Jemma is too sensitive. Jemma reads too far into things. I feel like we can’t say anything to Jemma anymore. Things will never be the same. There are some things you just don’t say to family.” My husband has my back so I’m fine there. My issue is now you’re just adding insult to injury. She never apologized and I was fine to just keep on trucking. Now this? Stop deflecting the blame to me. I did nothing wrong. I dealt with bullshit for 9 years and we BOTH tried to handle things diplomatically and did us no good. So I snapped. Who wouldn’t?
I’m just fucking pissed now. It was 2 months ago, I was ready to move forward, and now they want to stir the pot… they want a “sit-down” with my husband to discuss everything. He’s going to meet with them (he has his own issues with them outside of me that he wants to address). But I want to say what I have to say too. I know it’s probably not a good idea and I’m sure this is my ego talking. But I want to give them a peice of my mind and let them know that 1 – I stand by everything I said and 2 – take some fucking responsibility for what you have done.
So should I let my husband handle it? Should I speak to them on my own too? Is my ego leading the way? I don’t want to make shit worse so I know it’s probably best to stay out of it. But I also like fighting my own battles.