Post # 1
I’m having a bad week with wedding-related stuffs, so getting an e-mail from each of my BMs today regarding their dresses has sent me over the edge.
I posted here (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/when-did-your-bms-buy-their-dresses) my plan for the ladies to choose their dresses. On June 1st, I sent them all the e-mail with the 20 dress choices, pictures of them, with links to order, and the colors they could chose from. They have to decide on their dress by June 30th (but not order) and order the dress by November 1st.
Bridesmaid or Best Man #1) E-mails asking to see a picture of my dress so she can chose the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress closet to it so we’ll match. Then, she asked what colors I wanted, since the pictures of the dresses were not in the color she thought I wanted. After I replied re-explaining everything and that I don’t want her to base her choice on if the dress looks like mine, she responded that she may have narrowed it down to three dresses, but she really wants to see my dress so we can match. This is the same Bridesmaid or Best Man who tried to buy her dress before knowing what I wanted and she really wanted the strapless fuschia mini-dress with knee-high black boots.
Bridesmaid or Best Man #2) E-mails saying thanks for the e-mail and she’ll know by November 1st which dress she’ll want. I responded saying, “No, you have to decide by June 30th and order it by November 1st.” She hasn’t responded back.
Bridesmaid or Best Man #3) She e-mailed saying she doesn’t know if she wants to buy online. While the dress she chose comes from a seller with 100% perfect feedback, she doesn’t know if she wants to risk it. I plan on calling her, because she’s a worry-wart with everything and doesn’t trust people to begin with, so I doubt ordering in person would calm her down, anyway.
Bridesmaid or Best Man #4) She e-mailed saying she found a site with awesome dresses she loves and sent me the link. She asked me to look it over and choose what I like from there and let her know and she’ll decide from those choices. Uh, no! I e-mailed her back saying the 20 dresses I chose were the options. Plus, the site she sent were of dresses of the “nightclub” style and nothing like what I’m going for.
I’m about to pull my hair out!
Post # 3
That would drive me crazy! We’re not that far yet, but I’m sorry they’re giving you a hard time. Yay you for laying out the law!
Post # 4
#1) I’m with her I’d like to see the brides dress to kind of have a similar style or look. I wouldn’t want to look like her dress but I would want to choose one I thought was complementary to yours. Plus she’s in the bridal party.. why can’t she see your dress???
#2) UGHH I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I’d pick up the phone and have a chat with her and somewhere in there casually mention the dress situation. Maybe explain why you want the choices picked by that time.
#3) Again with her… if I’m buying a dress for a wedding I want to make sure it fits. I have issues, MAJOR issues buying things offline and having them fit correctly. IDK what the site is but maybe you could try and find a way for her to try it on. OR find a seller that is good with returns if it doesn’t fit right.
#4)Totally uncalled for. I would call her up and say ‘look this is what I’m going for, if you can’t pick something, I’m either 1) picking it myself or 2) you’ll have to step down from the bridal party!
Hope I helped a little!
I’m having my own drama with my BM’s becase 2 of them want to lose drastic weight before the wedding and are trying to delay their order… I’m worried it won’t be in in time.
Post # 5
PS with all of that being said… its your wedding so definitely lay down the law… so I was just playing devil’s advocate so you could see their side of the situation
Post # 6
@Woodstock: Thanks for playing devils’ advocate. Sometimes I do need someone outside my bubble to say things.
Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 has seen my dress several times, so I’m confused why she needs to see it once again. Plus, I want them to be different from me, so the dresses aren’t anything like mine, but do compliment it. She wants to be twins. I don’t.
Bridesmaid or Best Man #3 chose a dress from a great seller and all the dresses have a great return policies. I made extra sure of that. She gets this way clothing shopping in person, too. Sadly, she’s in another state or I’d walk her through this process even more.
I really didn’t think I’d have problems right after the first e-mail!
Post # 7
I find it crazy that you are being so accommodating (20 different options!!?) and yet, you still get push-back and need to hand-hold your lady friends. It must be so annoying for you! Rest assured that you are being an awesome bride, giving them so much freedom and choice, and following up and helping them out when they don’t understand!
Post # 8
That is odd that Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 is asking to see it again. I guess I wouldn’t see any harm sending her another pic just to ease her mind and cool the fire. and like you said none of the dresses you chose are like yours sooo its not like she could be your twin. I would be frustrated with her though. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. As for Bridesmaid or Best Man #3 maybe you could offer to pay for it/reimburse her if the dress doesn’t work out, she needs to get a new one, and she can’t return the one she got? Since you don’t see this as being an issue it could ease her mind a bit without breaking your bank??AAhhh the joys of dealing with bridesmaids!
P.S. If it makes you feel any better, my Maid/Matron of Honor who offered to throw my bridal shower called me up yesterday and asked when and where the shower was going to be and if my mom needed help!!! ACK l had told my mom not to worry about it since she had volunteered! Thankfully my mom is cool and was said don’t worry it’ll all get done 😀
Post # 9
OMG I’d be frustrated. Maybe they just can’t read plain English?
Maybe try e-mailing them again, a short e-mail. Ask them to nicely re-read the other email and say they need to choose a dress THEY like by June 30th.
Post # 10
@Woodstock: I could afford to pay for the shipping back, but I can’t offer to pay for the dress. Good idea, though. I’ll offer that. I’m sorry about your Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor issues! Why does it have to be this way?!
Post # 11
Having been a bridal consultant turned bride let me just say that it’s really difficult to know what a dress is going to look like and whether it’s flattering based on looking at a photo online of a stick figure model. unless of course all of your bm’s are the same measurments as the models. look at it this way, would you buy a wedding dress online without having seen it in person much less being able to see what it looks like on your body?
it’s super nervewracking to trust what you see online to be what you get in person. have you seen the dresses or even swatches in person? i gather that they don’t need to match, correct?
also as a fellow bride, i know how frustrating it can be to get this part done and get everyone to choose without them trying to give their opinions and other options as well.(just experienced this yesterday with Maid/Matron of Honor.) i suggest looking into seeing if they are able to go see and try on the dresses local to them since they are all over the place. this might help ease their minds.
good for you for giving a deadline, stick to it!
Post # 12
I gave my Bridesmaids the option of 5 dresses that they could try on at a popular Bridal Shop that is located all over the Country. That worked well for them and they each liked going to yry them on in the different states they lived in. Do you want to maybe try that? Giving a deadline is the way to go! That was awesome!
Post # 13
@janetsnakehole: I actually bought my wedding dress (vintage) online, so it didn’t bother me at all. But, I’m a minority situation, I know.
Sadly, the ladies don’t have the same bridal stores near them (all different states) and the stores they do have near them are Mom-and-Pop run, so they aren’t online (so frustrating!), so that’s why I’ve gone the generic online route. It’s also why I chose dresses that have excellent return polices and gave them the deadline to order by November 1st for a March 9th wedding, in case there are problems. Only one Bridesmaid or Best Man is having the ordering online issue, luckily. But, I can totally see why it’s nervewracking. But, I did tell them about this method way before I sent out the e-mail so they could speak up and voice any concerns, and none did.
Post # 14
I do not understand why bridesmaids fight the bride so much, especially one who is being really accommodating. Shut up and wear what the bride tells you!
Here’s what you do: tell them all to suck it up and buy the dresses YOU want.