Post # 16
ditto what plannerbear520
said. And bring cash so that there’s no room for arguing or guilt trips. It’ll simply be “oh, sorry. We just brought enough for ourselves.” I’m petty, so I’d throw in a “oh, had we known we were expected to pay for other people’s meals, we would have recommended someplace much less expensive.”
Post # 17
Oh my, that’s pretty terrible! Did y’all confront her on the matter or just not bring it up?
That is true. Honestly, there is so much more to this story that I haven’t even mentioned. Basically, my DH was treated horribly by all of his parents growing up (his mom dumped him on his dad when he was little but wanted to keep custody of his sister, his dad married his stepmom when he was a teenager and did everything she said, which included kicking my DH out right when he turned 18 so he was homeless for several weeks, but expected him to babysit his stepsiblings, while he was at their house he wasn’t allowed to eat anything unless it was a meal time, just really weird stuff that definitely doesn’t apply to her kids now they’re older). His dad & step mom will talk about now that they realized they were super harsh on him, but the favortism is still mind blowing. He was in the Air Force 6 years and they didn’t go to visit him once even though he was so lonely and made it clear to them he wished they’d visit. I could understand if it was a money issue but as soon as SIL had her baby boom they were there to see her. They’ve also went on vacations. I just don’t see how it’s okay to never visit your son but go out of your way to visit your daughter. I have a lot of pent up resentment not really because of how they treat me but how they’ve treated DH. When you love someone so much it just hurts to see them treated a certain way especially by their own family!
That’s a good idea about encouraging him to have this talk, can always bribe him with food! LOL. It is hard to let go of worrying about my house and being a great host. I mean, they’ve invited themselves over so why should I go crazy making food and making sure my house is spotless? I guess it’s just because I’ve been raised to be the best host possible. Honestly no one in my family ever would say, “Oh I’m coming over,” so this isn’t something I’ve had to deal with before and I find it extremely inconsiderate. Knowing them though if they came over and it was a mess it wouldn’t change anything but just make them think that I’m a horrible housekeeper! It’s hard though keeping a clean house while working full time and having pets!
Post # 18
I would definitely say that if it happens. I’m not afraid to speak my mind to them, I just haven’t wanted to just go off because I don’t want to cause harm to the relationships but if SIL expects us to pay I think it will totally piss DH off regardless and I’m sure he would say something too.
Post # 19
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Don’t let your SIL in when she appears at your door. Don’t even open the door; either ignore her completely (can you disconnect your doorbell?) or go and yell through the door that it’s a bad time and she can’t come in. Also you might find some useful info over at the DWIL boards at the babycenter website.
Post # 20
I was raised the same way… cheeses in the fridge and a guest towel at the ready! Over time, I learned it matters Way more to simply pay attention to your guests than having snacks on command or a spotless house. Further, you don’t owe a drop of hospitality to people who won’t extend the same courtesy to you. Do unto others is literally the rule of etiquette!
I thought over what I said earlier and suggest you invent a financial goal instead, “sorry, we’d pay for your meal but we’re saving for [a baby/a boat/a bigger home/a box suite in the stadium!]. This should be your go-to excuse whenever money comes up. After all, as financial consultants they should surely understand following a strict budget to meet one’s goals!! 😉
Post # 21
We met at a restaurant halfway between our homes, about 3 hours one way each. DH dropped $250 on lunch and we walked to the parking lot and I told grandson to get his bag from his mom’s car. She said he didn’t bring anything, don’t ask. I was like what do you mean don’t ask? She said he left everything at his dad’s cause he wants to live with his dad. We had to spend $500 on clothes.
He’s now living with his dad.
Post # 22
I’m not able to tag people in replies for some reason …???
Anyway, orangeblossomhoney, we’re going to use an upcoming vacation as our go to reason. We’re also dealing with a sick cat so we can throw all the vet bills in there too!
karen12-I couldn’t imagine being okay with letting my parents drop $500 on my kid! Wow. She sounds like a handful to deal with. Poor kid too!
I had a long talk with my DH last night and honestly it made me more angry and resentful after hearing how he feels. He feels hurt no one in his family ever came to visit him while he was in the military and he feels like it’s always been obvious that his stepsiblings came first once they came into the picture. He also is sad he doesn’t feel close to his dad anymore because he feels he didn’t take up for him to his stepmother years ago. I wasn’t aware he felt this way so it just broke my heart hearing it.
It’s just hard to deal with people who have hurt the one you love especially when it’s their own family! And I feel like the favoritism still continues and makes these feelings I’m having towards them even worse and it’s getting to the point I’m not sure how to deal with it anymore.
Post # 23
Vacation and a sick kitty (get well soon!) are good plans. There’s always something in life, so I’m sure you won’t have trouble sticking to your “budget” going forward.
I’m so sorry for your husband, that is really really hard :(. My best friend’s family are emotionally abusive and one is a Narcissist, it was the hardest thing in the world for me to tell her, “your family isn’t capable of loving you like you need. You have to walk away so you don’t sink with their ship.” Deep down she already knew this and it helped alot to hear it from someone who cares. You’re right to not want to get involved, just keep supporting him and agreeing that you see the favoritism, it’s not in his head, and his care and affection is not reciprocated. One day he’ll be ready to set boundaries for his and your protection.