Really messed up with her heart – I need advice

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

You are both too young/immature for a serious relationship. You for pushing her boundaries after hearing them explicitly from her and her for using “tests” to ensure your moral character instead of just talking to you. You both should apologize to one another and listen to how each other feels.

 

Beyond that, I don’t see this relationship working out because you are clearly on different pages intimately. If she cries over phone sex and only agrees to maybe having oral sex after marriage (since it seems like such a big deal to you) so you won’t cheat, I can only imagine the tears and the guilt you’ll both feel after you actually do it.

Post # 3
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
ky89 :  You’re right that it was wrong to say you’d die unhappy without oral. But she’s not completely blameless here either. I don’t think people who love and respect each other give silly “tests” to try and trick each other. If she’s not willing to be sexual during engagement (which is fine) she should have just said to you “btw, when I say I’m waiting till marriage, that means marriage, not just engagement.” And if she wasn’t comfortable with the phone sex, seems like she could have said “hey cut it out, that’s not cool with me.” 

The good news is, most people don’t end up marrying their first love and yet most people go on to be happy and healthy in their later relationships. So both you and her will probably find someone that you’re more compatible with. 

Post # 4
Member
2310 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

unfortunately this is what happens when people tie religious restrictions to natural human urges and desires. It’s why forced morality doesn’t work (religion). Look into spirituality. Good for goods’ sake. Doing the right thing for the right reason. 

Post # 6
Member
3803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Move on from this relationship. You shouldn’t feel guilty about what your desires are. Your desires just don’t simply align with hers no matter how much you try to convince  yourself otherwise. Neither of you are “wrong”, although your communication skills are severely lacking and immature. 

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

You watch porn, you are not that religious. Find someone who has the same views as you, this girl’s moral standards differ greatly. 

Post # 9
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

This is getting to be too much now. Bye.

Post # 11
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

Just put a break on all sex talk and be her friend again. Sex will naturally happen when the time is right. Plus you’ll need to start super vanilla, then you can work your way into trying new things. Negotiating sex acts in advance is like putting the carriage in front of the horse. Clearly she isn’t ready to be sexual yet. Just give it time and go at her pace for a while.

Post # 13
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

If you ever start talking with her again, is what I meant. Also oral is perfectly fine and fun with two consenting people. If I were you I would find like minded people to date and play with (if that’s okay in your religion.. or maybe religion can forgive you for exploring your bodily pleasures a little). Anyways good luck!

Post # 15
Member
3803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
ky89 :  No no no. Going to her house is a terrible idea. Send her a letter in the mail if you feel you must have closure, but going to her house will be uncomfortable for everyone. 

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